Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much you have helped, or intend to help your children financially?

109 replies

AK86xo · 12/04/2019 19:44

Whether it be private school fees for them (I know they can't pay for this one themselves), university fees, cars, deposits for houses, mortgage free houses, weddings, private school fees for grandchildren, paying for your adult children to go on holiday with you etc.

Also do you think there is a point where helping them too much financially isn't beneficial for them?

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 12/04/2019 20:50

My mum paid a good portion of our wedding. She just saw it as her 'place' as her parents paid for hers. I was privately educated too. She has also given me money on a couple of occasions to help out when we've needed it and I've been very grateful for what she has chosen to do for us. I hope one day to be in a position to help my DC in the same ways.

Having said that, I don't agree with money being given hand over fist. I've always been expected to work and live within my means and DH and I provide everything for our home and DC. If my mum wants to financially help my DC in the future that would be something we'd need to discuss. I wouldn't want them to simply expect Granny to open her purse.

flowerycurtain · 12/04/2019 20:59

My parents theory was they'll pay for education but nowt else.

They were v lucky to be able to afford private school for us. They paid my uni fees, books etc.

But after that it was up to us. They helped me in other ways though, they let me live at home for a year so I saved 10k for my first house deposit in 10 months. They encouraged a brilliant work ethic.

We plan to send our kids private and teach as best we can a work ethic. We'll pay for uni/further training. I suspect me might pay towards a house deposit if they are doing well as house prices are just so ridiculous these days.

Kaddm · 12/04/2019 21:01

I’d pay for everything described in the OP if I have the cash when the time comes
Struggling financially is miserable

AJPTaylor · 12/04/2019 21:04

My parents couldn't do much financially for us but gave us love, a roof over our heads and encouragement.
We will be able to help ours with a modest deposit that they would have to add to. Driving lessons and first car. They also will also have a home with us should they need it and we help them out with a few quid before pay day if needed.

Shopperami · 12/04/2019 21:11

I would help out to the best as I can.

Whitechocandraspberry · 12/04/2019 21:11

Parents not well off supported us all through uni. Three of us were there at same time. After graduation there was no more financial support. We were always encouraged and made to get jobs as soon as we were 16 and worked after school. We still got pocket money. We are very successful.

My children on the other hand are somewhat spoilt and I feel that they don’t have same work ethic as me and their dad. Both the eldest Are taking driving lessons and want new cars when they pass their test and they will be indulged by their father. I just hope they are happy and successful. Both eldest are sitting highers and are contemplating going to uni. I have suggested that if they don’t go into further education they will need to get full time jobs and support themselves. The look of confusion .....

PlatypusPie · 12/04/2019 21:13

Supported them at university ( both at separate unis at the same time, a year apart), free board and lodging post uni, in London, until they were settled and ready to move out again, , paid for main costs of wedding of DD1, thus far. Both v hard working and not extravagent or entitled.

Mummyshark2019 · 12/04/2019 21:15

Plan to cover university.

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 21:19

Yes, we privately educated her since rhe age of four, paid for uni, did driving lessons, pay some living bills now, and will help with a house deposit.

She's going to inherit it all one day anyway, and she is an equal in our family, so what's ours is hers and we will always do what we can to make her life easier and better.

Youngandfree · 12/04/2019 21:20

Well if Ireland stays the way it is I’m hoping university will still be “free” by free I mean we pay registration fees only so approx 2k a year. I will hopefulily be able to pay their accommodation unless some crazy emergencies crop up where I need to raid all savings. I fully intend on them getting a job in university though as it's pretty much the done thing here. We are very lucky also that GPs have money put aside for them too so that may help them into the housing ladder when needs be. 🙏

Idontmeanto · 12/04/2019 21:24

As much as I can. Which is limited. At 17 dd1 knows we will do our best for her at uni, but can’t cover everything we’d like to, and, in the interests of being fair to her siblings, she’ll be welcome with open arms to move home after uni, but we’ll need her to pay board. (Youngest will be at that stage after retirement and we may not be able to continue to run a family home.) She got money towards driving lessons for her birthday, but we’re not covering the full cost. I’ve also agreed that we’ll add her to the insurance on my car as long as she has the excess saved just in case.

Babyroobs · 12/04/2019 21:34

We have four kids. Ds1 is at University and we pay for his accommodation, pay to maintain his car ( only because he needs it to get to much needed work experience) and are currently bailing him out as he has run out of money. We also paid for driving lessons. DS2 is 18 and we currently pay for driving lessons. I guess we will do the same for them all unless our financial situation alters dramatically. We will try to help with house deposits / weddings when the time comes but will depend on circumstances. My parents gave us quite a lot of financial help when our kids were little and finances weren't great.

MissLucyHoneychurch · 12/04/2019 21:36

What about you, OP? Care to share your plans?

user1461609321 · 12/04/2019 21:40

Watching

Echobelly · 12/04/2019 21:50

My dear grandfather died earlier this year - he had already given over an unexpected life insurance payout partially towards our kids as university funds when they are 18, and his estate is arranged than when his widow sells their flat or dies, our kids will get a share of that (along with my 2 nieces and nephews), so this should mean they can start life without university debt and maybe some more left over from that. I'm not going to insist they go to uni - if they have a good plan that doesn't involve it we're open that to, so maybe they'll use the money another way.

Other than that, I'm not sure we'll be able to help massively - if we come into any more money we'll probably need to it to have a vaguely decent retirement. Our mortgage will be paid off by the time they are in their 20s, possibly before, as I have got a reasonable sum from my grandfather.

I expect we will be open to them living with us in their 20s in order to save up money, and we live in a house where we have the space, especially if we extend into the loft (and honestly, having adult kids here is the main reason to do that)

bigbluebus · 12/04/2019 22:02

My parents paid for our wedding - but that was 30 years ago when it was still traditional to do so! Other than that I didn't get anything off them until they both died.

My DS is now an only, so it is easier to help him. He went to state schools but we have funded him through Uni so far and intend to help him with a deposit for a house once he is working. We also bought him a car so that he could get to work when he wasn't at Uni.

CherryPavlova · 12/04/2019 22:10

School fees
Support through university in terms of actual costs and extras such as flying boyfriend out to overseas placement or a car to placements plus ballgowns etc. An agreement to pay off tuition fees on successful completion - 2:1 or higher.
21st birthday celebrations.
Masters fees.
Help with house deposits.
Furniture
Holidays
Wedding costs.

It’s lovely to be able to help and they appreciate it. We are fortunate to be able to do so. It’s a privilege.

Greeborising · 12/04/2019 22:15

My parents didn’t have much but they gave us what they could.
They gave me the deposit for my first flat with money they had been saving for something else. (I paid them back)
All my adult life we had a ‘floating’ amount of money that we would happily give to who needed it.
They worked hard and gave us a very loving childhood.
As an adult, I have more disposable income than my parents ever did.We have given oldest dc deposits for property, supported them through university .
Youngest will get the same.
All our kids are hard working and successful (go me gloating) but my point is they give it back, we as a family help each other out when needed.
If my kids need it and I’ve got it it’s there

JudasIscHarriet · 12/04/2019 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mari50 · 12/04/2019 22:17

I intend to help my DD in every way I can. I’ve already ensured that my mortgage will be paid off before she goes to uni so I can pay her accommodation, she’s at state school now but going to private school when she gets to high school age, will give her money for a deposit on house etc etc. However DD is an only child so all these things are affordable in a way that they might not be if I had a larger family.
My parents have always been incredibly generous with me so I’m just paying it forward.

PumpkinPie2016 · 12/04/2019 22:17

We have a junior ISA for our son (currently 5 years old) and a pay into that every month. When the time comes we will use that to help with uni/driving lessons/deposit etc. Topped up by us if possible.

I am fortunate that we will be in a position to support him financially at least for some things and I want to do that for him.

He is an only child and will one day inherit the whole lot anyway (house, savings etc. ) so I don't see the harm in helping him.

scaryteacher · 12/04/2019 22:18

Put him through his BA and MA...no loans. Money from a children's bond funded by gps in an account for a deposit, and added to by us. He is currently living at home job hunting, and as we are not currently based in the UK, that means we are housing, clothing, feeding and and financially supporting him.

Seniorcitizen1 · 12/04/2019 22:19

Paid for 6 years at university - fees and living costs - deposit for first home, car and running costs while at university and annual foreign holiday. Comitted to pay for medical exams which believe should be paid fir by nhs, and for buying into a GP practice. Although seems generous none of it has put us in financial straights - all well afforded.

MaisyMary77 · 12/04/2019 22:21

Paid school fees, helped throughout uni and paying deposit for their first house. Feel very fortunate that we are able to do this for them.

yearinyearout · 12/04/2019 22:22

We've helped both through uni by topping up rent and giving them an allowance (but they've both also had part time jobs either at uni or during holidays) and bought their first car (not new). When the time comes I expect we will help out towards house deposits, but only if they save a good chunk themselves.

We are in a fortunate position to be able to help them financially but I don't think it does them much good to have everything handed to them on a plate. They need to learn the value of money and stand on their own two feet.