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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using a disabled loo.....

368 replies

countrymousesussex · 12/04/2019 19:10

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 12/04/2019 19:55

Yes I would use it, I did the same in the hospital the other day, no toilet in the baby change and no room in the ladies.

Abcd3 · 12/04/2019 19:58

I am disabled and I would not have minded you using the disabled loo. That said, I really do think that people should try to keep use of the disabled loo to an absolute minimum. In my case, standing up causes pain in my leg muscles, and standing for a few minutes waiting for the loo can lead me to be in quite a bit of pain, which can last quite a while afterwards. And, as PPs have said, some people need to use the disabled loo because they have medical conditions that might cause them to soil themselves if they can’t get to a loo quickly enough. So I don’t think it’s ok for someone able-bodied, without a buggy, to use the disabled loo just because they don’t want to wait to use the normal loo.

OP, it’s really considerate of you not to have used the disabled loo, but I think it’s ok to do so if there’s not another buggy-friendly loo nearby!

MRex · 12/04/2019 20:00

@Flockingflamingo - what do you mean by Pram users shouldn't need to use them? Of course if there are other options then those come first, but how can we avoid using them for baby changing when that's where the table is? What are we supposed to do with the baby and pram otherwise when going to toilet while out alone?

IvanaPee · 12/04/2019 20:03

A lot of homeware stores etc only have disabled access toilets which is the way to go, I think.

That way they’re just toilets that everyone can use and it avoids all of this.

Ribbonsonabox · 12/04/2019 20:04

It's like that in our village too. Fine in the city because they have wide cubicles for pushchairs and even family toilets which are really large cubicles with two toilets and a sink in.

But here most places have a gents loo a ladies loo with tiny cubicles and a large disabled cubicle.
I dont even use the pushchair when out on my own, I use the baby carrier and I cannot even fit into the womens cubicles in my local pub with that on. I couldn't fit in when I was pregnant either!

I think the disabled cubicle is for anyone who needs it.
My mother is disabled and has a blue badge and radar key etc but she usually actually manages to use the other cubicles. Sometimes people who are disabled do not need the larger cubicles and sometimes people who are not permanently disabled will need to use them. It shouldnt be a competition! If someone is desperate for the loo and needs to use the disabled then they should.

I have a really weak bladder after childbirth injuries and I'd just have to stay in the house and never go out on my own with the baby in my village if I did what people on here are saying and never used the disabled loos.

Original poster
countrymousesussex · 12/04/2019 20:05

Ok I do feel like a bit of a doughnut now, but thank you all for reinforcing what my OH has just said!

If there is any feasible way for me to get the buggy into the ladies then I always do that - even if it means leaving the buggy by the sink while I have the quickest wee on the planet and watch the wheels under the door 🙈

OP posts:
Jon65 · 12/04/2019 20:09

The problem is that while you lot are using the disabled loo, the disabled person can't. For someone who can't wait it's a bloody horrible position to be in. Mothers with toddlers are not disabled. They should not be using the disabled toilets.

EKGEMS · 12/04/2019 20:10

It's so difficult when you have a loved one in a wheelchair and having to use disabled toilets and non disabled people are using them which is why family bathrooms exist. If those aren't an option then yes no problem with it

JacquesHammer · 12/04/2019 20:14

YANBU.

They’re accessible facilities. Of course you should use another option if you can, but I’d say being unable to get your pram through the door of the ladies is a fair enough reason.

Unfortunately due to people abusing the accessible facility, this is a very polarising subject for a lot of people.

Flockingflamingo · 12/04/2019 20:15

@MRex I mean that there should be separate baby changing facilities. Unfortunately there often are not, that's down to design priorities.

saraclara · 12/04/2019 20:18

If the alternative is leaving a baby on the other side of the door and out of sight, then a mum with a buggy should be able to use the accessible toilet. My husband was disabled and reliant on disabled/accessible toilet, but we had no problem with someone being in there very briefly. Nipping in for a quick wee is fine. Using it for nappy changing/a nice leisurely poo, is not.

NameChangeSameRage · 12/04/2019 20:18

The unreasonable thing here is that there are not enough disabled toilets, or toilets large enough to accommodate a pram / extra person.

I've used disabled loos in a few circumstances when I couldn't use a standard toilet. I refuse to feel guilty (it wasn't just a matter of not wanting to use a standard cubicle- once I would have shit myself and the second I had such bad back pain I couldn't physically get up from one without something to hold onto). Felt bad every time.

But you are brave posting this here.

Yabbers · 12/04/2019 20:20

Unfortunately due to people abusing the accessible facility
Like parents with buggies, you mean?

JacquesHammer · 12/04/2019 20:21

Like parents with buggies, you mean?

No. Parents who cannot fit through the ladies door? Perfectly fine.

Parents when the changing facility is in the disabled loo? Perfectly fine.

But then I got abused on MN for saying I used a disabled loo when I had a broken leg when the ladies were upstairs. Apparently that wasn’t reasonable use of the accesible facilities either Grin

Babynut1 · 12/04/2019 20:22

When I had my first, I had the same dilemma and managed to get the pushchair in a cubicle, took a picture and wrote an email to Tesco asking if they thought it was acceptable.
They emailed back and told me that in future I should use the disabled toilet as it’s for people who can’t access a normal toilet.
I never felt guilty after that!

MaryH90 · 12/04/2019 20:23

I always used the disabled toilet when DD was smaller. It was rare to find a ladies which had a cubicle big enough to fit a pushchair in and there was no way I would leave her on the other side of the door. Now she’s older I leave the pushchair and walk her into the cubicle with me. As PP have said, there are often baby change tables in these loos so they’re clearly intended for parents aswell.

NameChangeSameRage · 12/04/2019 20:25

My local shopping mall has a parent and child cubicle, complete with two toilets (separated by a half wall) and a changing area. Ample room to park a pushchair or pram.

Didiplanthis · 12/04/2019 20:30

My ds is 7and has ASD. He cannot come into a multiple cubicle ladies with me because a hand drier will cause him to run ( and I mean in bolt) and his rigid thinking causes him huge distress going into the 'ladies'. I would love family rooms but there often aren't any. He far too vulnerable to use the men's or wait outside alone. We have to use the disabled sometimes and get alot of grief for it. So many people STILL don't get that not all disabilities are visible....

LittleMissHappy19 · 12/04/2019 20:34

I'm disabled and have an extremely weak bladder, due to my disability.

I think the logical thing here is that, if it's just you that needs the toilet (while having your baby and pram with you)
You would have the decency to let anybody queuing behind you, with no pram or buggy go in front of you. As I would presume they do have a disability, and their needs are greater than yours.

I would have no issue with you using the disabled toilet, if nobody is queuing as I would want your baby to be safe and be in the same room as you.

I do have an issue with baby changing facilities being in the same room as a disabled toilet though, as some parents seem to take absolute lifetime changing their babies nappies!

This is not the customers fault though! Stores these days should have the correct facilities to suit everyone!!

JustTwoMoreSecs · 12/04/2019 20:35

Well if you can’t get in the ladies with a buggy I am not sure what other choice you have than using the accessible toilet.

Using it just to avoid a queue is BU, unless you are literally going to soil yourself in the next couple of seconds.

LudoFriend · 12/04/2019 20:38

I'm disabled, and genuinely so long as there is a reason better than a shorter queue I'm happy to wait for someone who needs it, whether it's a broken leg, a buggy, or small children who you can't leave alone. Next time just go ahead. Anyone who gives you any grief over it is being ridiculous.

Order654 · 12/04/2019 20:40

Iv been in your situation and Iv used the disabled toilet.

My son now is also registered disabled and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if you were using it.

Needs must.

AuntieStella · 12/04/2019 20:40

"it's just the same if someone is using the disabled toilet..they may have to wait a minute or 2 for their turn"

And if part of their disability is urgency, then they've just wet themselves whilst the person who couid wait used the only facility available to thise with additional needs.

Don't be a dick and don't use diasability access loos.

HenSolo · 12/04/2019 20:40

As a parent with a buggy I would definitely say it is not unreasonable to use the disabled toilet as that is the only one you can access.

Having said that it was very kind of you not to use it. My db is quite severely disabled and has a real fear of not being able to get to the toilet in time. So much so that he is now virtually housebound as he said when he would go to places that he knew had easily accessible disabled toilets, they were too often occupied. Often by people (like me!) with prams. So there is no way YABU to use the disabled toilet, but if you can try not to if you don’t HAVE to it would help people like my brother!
I’m not sure I’ve made sense Hmm

livinglavidavillanelle · 12/04/2019 20:42

I think as a one off it's fine.

But honestly, the attitudes on here that diabled toilets are for everyones use makes me really sad. Seriously people, have some consideration.

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