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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using a disabled loo.....

368 replies

countrymousesussex · 12/04/2019 19:10

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

OP posts:
Tinyteatime · 12/04/2019 22:05

@SarahAndQuack honestly it’s never even occurred to me that you can undo flies, sit on loo, wee, wipe, pull trousers up and do up flies again all whilst holding a baby. I’ll try it next time. I often leave the buggy by the end cubicle with the door opensnd pee too. I’m not too bothered that someone might see me but I always worry that they might be offended by the sight. I think the point about changing a tampon or pad (or doing a poo might be tricky) still stands though.

OvO · 12/04/2019 22:07

The problem is every one of you that's saying you di this, but only if you HAVE to, and youre so quick, etc and blah blah blah well theres thousand and thousands of you saying and doing the exact same thing.

So the disabled loo is frequently taken by somone with no disability when I need to use it. And I KNOW about hidden disabilites but its usually pretty clear when someone doesnt have a disability is coming out the disabled loo as they give it away. I dont say anything just in case but it does annoy me.

So stop pretending youve never inconvenienced a disabled person, or in fact caused them to have an accident. You have.

To save yourself any inconvenience youre happy to pass that onto disabled people.

SuperSara · 12/04/2019 22:09

I’m utterly aghast at some of the posts in this thread.

Do you honestly think that disabled facilities are fair game for anyone who decides it would be easier to use them than spend a few moments accessing the correct facilities?

Just incredible.

Imadehimlikethat · 12/04/2019 22:10

what on earth stops you leaving the pram outside? because holding a toddler whilst you pee, poo, change a tampon etc is hard enough without your handbag and shopping too. In our local supermarket you'd need to leave it outside even the toilet block so def not safe to leave handbag etc. Then you're squeezing all of that into a tiny cubicle and trying not to touch your child with the hand that wiped the poo

JacquesHammer · 12/04/2019 22:10

I absolutely wasn’t disabled when I used the disabled loo. I was, however, unable to use the ladies loo.

So yes, I’d say I had to use it. But the problem is I couldn’t not use it because other people abuse it.

MoaningMinniee · 12/04/2019 22:10

I've been able-bodied, pregnant with associated problems, a mother of babies in a double buggy, then toddlers, and then disabled, and now thank you wonderful NHS I'm now able bodied again. I think all large loos with level access and hand grabs and space to manoeuvre a buggy or wheelchair about should be called Accessible not Disabled. And available for use by all of us who need it whatever the reason might be. And baby change should be in the outer area of a loo complex. It doesn't need to be in with the actual loo. So long as there's an appropriate bin for the nappy and somewhere for the nappy changing person to wash her or his hands it doesn't need to block up an entire accessible cubicle.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/04/2019 22:12

Op putting the changing mat into a dirty floor then lying your child on it and pinning them down with your dirty feet is ridiculous. And not hygienic.

If only more shops would shove a loo in the baby change. It isn't rocket science. Mom's need to pee too

Tinyteatime · 12/04/2019 22:12

No, sorry, I draw the line at putting your baby on the floor of a public toilet. Would you roll around on the floor of a loo? They are people too and they’re quite vulnerable. I would rather piss on the floor in public than put my baby on the floor of a bog.

OvO · 12/04/2019 22:13

You have choices. Sometimes not great ones but choices nonetheless. Just remember that before you start complaining about how hard you have it.

And remember this is a temporary problem for you. When you’re past the pram/buggy stage there's another thousand babies in prams right behind you so its a constant problem for disabled people.

Amongst many MANY constant problems. Many of which are caused by the selfishness or just sheer ignorance of other people.

JacquesHammer · 12/04/2019 22:14

OvO

Not sure if you were replying to me or generally, but I didn’t use the disabled loo with a pram. I didn’t have a choice (other than not use the loo, which isn’t really an appropriate choice)

PinkyU · 12/04/2019 22:15

Again, campaign, petition, fight, beg for your own fucking toilets then if your big bastard buggy can’t fit in.

STOP being so fucking entitled to ride on the coattails of others who have fought just for one single toilet most times.

OvO · 12/04/2019 22:17

No, not aimed at any specific person, Jaques. Just a post aimed at everyone after 13 years of these threads. I'm like a moth to a flame...

OvO · 12/04/2019 22:18

Sorry, Jacques. Spelled your name wrong, oops!

MontStMichel · 12/04/2019 22:18

And I KNOW about hidden disabilites but its usually pretty clear when someone doesnt have a disability is coming out the disabled loo as they give it away. I dont say anything just in case but it does annoy me.

DD is disabled. Sometimes I go in with her; other times if she is in a stroppy mood, I’ll wait outside for her. However, she never wipes the seat and may forget to flush it. I always go in to wipe the seat, flush it and then wash my hands.

Obviously disabled people see me coming out; not looking disabled - but would they prefer the mess she leaves?

starsparkle08 · 12/04/2019 22:18

Stop saying able bodied ....... there are many more invisible disabilities

JacquesHammer · 12/04/2019 22:19

Sorry, Jacques. Spelled your name wrong, oops!

No problem Smile

MumofTinies · 12/04/2019 22:19

In real life I have never seen anyone bat an eyelid at a parent with a buggy using the disabled loo. I've never seen a mum peeing with the door open Hmm or put thier baby on a disgusting toilet floor.
I won't leave the buggy outside because I can't afford to replace it like for like if it got stolen. I also don't drive so it would be a pretty shitty walk home

MulderitsmeX · 12/04/2019 22:20

I can do the whole loo thing with DS under my arm but appreciate lots can't (i used to have him in the carrier too). Use the loo that you need to. Often in restaurants the non disabled loos are upstairs anyway.

Agree more places should have those fabulous parent and child rooms, i know where they are locally and always shop close by.

Yabbers · 12/04/2019 22:21

Yes I take my pram into the disabled toilet and I don't care what anyone else thinks.
And people wonder why mums are always labelled selfish and entitled.

ooft · 12/04/2019 22:21

It's an "accessible toilet" as in accessible to all

hidinginthetoiletagain · 12/04/2019 22:24

supersara how would you suggest I access the correct facilties with my baby and my toddler? All three of us simply will not fit into most cubicles, even if I hung the baby on the back of the door...

I do not have a disability and I understand that as such I can not truly understand how challenging it can be. However, I am a human person and I do need to use the toilet when I'm out. Perhaps like a PP said I should be campaigning for better family friendly facilities, but in the meantime should I just not go to these places?

Maybe I'm totally wrong but I just always hoped that if a disabled person was ever waiting to use the toilet when we were in it (which has never happened) they would see that I was struggling on my own with two small children and understand, because we're all just people trying our best.

ThinkingNotSpeaking · 12/04/2019 22:25

It’s an accessible toilet. Not disabled only. Where I live they actually have signs on them that say “accessible toilet for everyone”. Also it’s often where the baby change is located.

SuperSara · 12/04/2019 22:25

And people wonder why mums are always labelled selfish and entitled.

FenellaMaxwell · 12/04/2019 22:28

No, I didn’t unless that was where the baby change was. What I did was check in advance where the best facilities were. DS is 2 now and I’ve never had to jam a door open or use the disabled. On the rare occasion I didn’t know where there was a loo we could fit in, I took him out of the pushchair and held him in the cubicle with me.

I have in the past had to use the disabled myself, as I am coeliac and when I’ve been poisoned I need both the immediacy of access and the extra privacy, but that is a legitimate medical use, I suppose.

SrSteveOskowski · 12/04/2019 22:29

I don't like using the disabled toilet in case someone with a disability really needs it, but I had to yesterday. I was in a hospital where there was one ladies loo, one gents and one disabled. I went into the ladies (literally a single toilet) and discovered (thankfully before I sat down!) that there was no toilet paper so nipped to the disabled loo to get some only to discover that someone else had gone into the ladies and locked the door, so I went back and used the disabled toilet.

I did feel sorry for that poor women when she went looking for loo roll though .....