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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking it slow or taking the piss

313 replies

Greekcheese · 11/04/2019 17:45

Boyfriend of nine months . Great bloke. Crazy about him . Started off meeting once a fortnight or theee weeks with plenty of text contact . Now up to once a week with an overnight stay. He wants to take it very slow. My friends say he is taking the piss . We are both 30. Him a home owner me a renter . No holidays ever. One weekend away . He has lots going on in his life. Mine is not as busy. He says he loves me but needs to take it slow. I have a history of being a mug for men. Staying in unhealthy relationships . Compromising and sacrificing to please them . I don’t want to fall Into this trap again. He loves the way it’s going. SAYs he feels valued and loved .Thanks

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/04/2019 19:46

He is either gay and in denial or asexual, there is no future in it, just heartbreak for you!

Plus he is infatuated with his colleague...

However nice he is he is using you.

FoxSquadKitten · 22/04/2019 22:14

Yes I saw him on Friday for a family event but he dropped me home afterwards as he was organising it and had to stay until the end

And why couldn't you stay with him?
So you didn't see him for the whole of the Easter weekend except for a couple of hours on Friday?

Oh god, OP just tell him to get lost - he's getting on my bloody nerves now 😡 How dare he treat you like this?!! 🤬

VaggieMight · 22/04/2019 22:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

AsleepAllDay · 22/04/2019 22:24

If he doesn't have a live in lover/wife, he's mean. Staying over once a week and not even a nice holiday? Tight

Original poster
Greekcheese · 22/04/2019 22:29

He told
Me that he was going to be very busy . His weekend was pre planned for months . I knew this and made my own plans . I will
See him
Tomorrow evening for a walk .I worry that being infatuated with her might be what’s holding him
Back from
Progressing our relationship . He has holiday plans made with his friend and his cousin separately
.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greekcheese · 22/04/2019 22:30

I couldnt stay with him at the event as he organised the event and had to make sure everyone got home safely and tie up loose ends at the venue . He was working basically

OP posts:
Fiveredbricks · 22/04/2019 22:31

OP why do you keep coming back to reply? We've all told you he is using you, not interested etc. Please listen, or you are going to be much more hurt further down the line.

No one is that busy when they actually want to see someone.

Erythronium · 22/04/2019 22:32

I worry that being infatuated with her might be what’s holding him Back from Progressing our relationship

No, no, that's not what it is. You're not listening are you OP?

What sex is the friend he's going on holiday with?

Original poster
Greekcheese · 22/04/2019 22:35

Male and males

OP posts:
Original poster
Greekcheese · 22/04/2019 22:36

As in his friends and a cousin also male

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 22/04/2019 22:50

I’ve got my fingers in my ears. La la la la la. 🙉🙉🙉

GruciusMalfoy · 22/04/2019 23:02

Are you happy with having a relationship with a guy who finds sex with you repulsive? Do you actually want to live your life like this?

He won't change, his behaviour runs too deep and has gone on for too long. Past girlfriends had the right idea in getting out if the so-called relationship. I'm not sure what sort of progress you're expecting.

FoxSquadKitten · 22/04/2019 23:13

His weekend was pre planned for months
But you've been going out with him for months so surely his plans should include you?

I couldnt stay with him at the event as he organised the event and had to make sure everyone got home safely and tie up loose ends at the venue
And he didn't want you doing that with him, so he shipped you off home?

I worry that being infatuated with her might be what’s holding him
Back from
Progressing our relationship
Even if he was infatuated with her it means he's not infatuated with you 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to be blunt but he sees you as a friend, nothing more☹️
Fgs get rid

PCohle · 22/04/2019 23:26

God this thread is frustrating.

Is there actually anything any one of us posting here could say that would make you reevaluate this relationship? Because if not, why are you posting? What do you hope to gain from this thread if you utterly refuse to listen to what is being said to you?

RandomMess · 23/04/2019 07:32

It isn't a relationship! You don't have sex, you spend very little time together. He needs a female that he can stick the label "girlfriend" on.

Why are you so afraid to end it? Wouldn't you rather meet someone that adores you, wants to have sex with you and wants to spend loads of their free time with you?

SlowDown76mph · 23/04/2019 08:19

Why are you your expectations set so low..?

ISpeakJive · 23/04/2019 08:46

Head———-Brick Wall————Bang Bang

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2019 08:51

OP you're really really mot listening here are you?

Sorry if I've missed it but do you have family?

Original poster
Greekcheese · 23/04/2019 09:49

I find it very hard to believe that he is gay . I don’t really see it now especially after spending so much time together . I’ve spent mote time with him on the last two weeks than I have since Christmas . We get in so brilliantly. I want so much to believe that it is beginning to step up a bit but I do agree with you all when it’s written down on. These pages . I had hoped that the intensity of two family events would spur him onto more commitment and development of this relationship. I don’t disagree with you

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/04/2019 09:58

So why can't you talk to him?

Why can't you ask "are we going to have sex again or is that not something you want?" Why can't you ask "how do you view "us" I don't feel that you see it the same way as me?"

If you can't talk to him then what is the point?

RandomMess · 23/04/2019 09:59

He could be gay and in complete denial or asexual.

Wildrose19 · 23/04/2019 10:28

You say in one of your initial posts that he is very feminine (though later you say he’s not,) he is repulsed by sex, he doesn’t like staying over with you and his previous relationships broke down due to lack of sex. Yes whether gay or asexual or what, is this the type of relationship you want?

Redshoeblueshoe · 23/04/2019 10:44

It doesn't matter if he's gay. It doesn't matter if he fancies the other woman.
What actually matters is you.
He clearly doesn't care.
It's going nowhere. It won't get better.
Why don't you just ask him outright if he is gay ?
His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Original poster
Greekcheese · 23/04/2019 10:48

Describing him as feminine is probably not right. I do t have any friends or family who are gay so from my perspective, he is very in touch with his feminine side, he is very emotional , huggy, open , comments constantly on women’s clothes, hair , make up , very into his body and appearance , comments about the attractiveness of men and their bodies . Loves the company you f women far more than men. I may be flamed for those opinions but to me they are more feminine traits than male , in my experience . Some
Of his friends have asked him if he is gay in the past

OP posts:
Original poster
Greekcheese · 23/04/2019 10:50

I have spoken To him.He sees that I am
Very attractive and he loves me but is not interested in sex really .

OP posts:
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