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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with friend

132 replies

NC080419 · 08/04/2019 16:58

NC for this...

Friend is getting married this month and I am bridesmaid so have been helping her out. A few months ago she was talking about first dance songs, her and her DF are rockers so she was thinking along them lines.

As part of the convo I said that xyz song is mine and DP's song and it will be first dance when we get married because when it was first released he text me two lines from it, and I responded with the next two, we have been to see the band numerous times together, always sing it in the car to each other, cheesy stuff like that.

At the weekend she told me she is currently "trying to convince" her DF to use xyz song for their first dance, but he isn't convinced. All I text back was "that's mine and DPs song because...(reasons listed above)" I know I told her that was our song and the reasons, but I told her again. She still seems dead set on using it.

I have bent over backwards for her for the last two years as the other bridesmaid hasn't been helping (lives abroad). I am doing her wedding cake the days before the wedding, and she does this?? If said band were to walk across the road in front of her car she wouldn't know who they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
outpinked · 08/04/2019 17:00

Are you even engaged yet?

Sonders · 08/04/2019 17:01

YABU.

Original poster
NC080419 · 08/04/2019 17:01

Yes I am.

OP posts:
shumway · 08/04/2019 17:02

I'd be annoyed too.

InACheeseAndPickle · 08/04/2019 17:02

Surely you can both use the same song?!

turquoisebaby · 08/04/2019 17:02

You are being unreasonable, your be sharing any song as your first dance with copious others. No one besides you will even bother noticing the song you have chosen anyway.

Lemonsquinky · 08/04/2019 17:03

Grow up. It's a song. Are you old enough to get married without your parents permission, or are you older than 16?

Ratbagcatbag · 08/04/2019 17:04

But it's not "your song" as such. Anyone can use it.
We didn't have a song so we randomly played songs until we liked the lyrics for one. I wouldn't know the artist if she fell over me. But I still liked the song.
Sounds like she's really listened to the lyrics after you talked about it and now wants it. Nothing you can do other than smile and be happy for her.
When you get married it will have special meaning to you.
I've been to tons of weddings. Couldn't tell you the first songs from any so it really does only matter to you guys what it is.

Eatmycheese · 08/04/2019 17:04

I can understand you being pissed off: i’d have kept it to myself tbh.
What’s the song ?

PengAly · 08/04/2019 17:04

YABU. Anyone can use that song, including your friend.

MrsXx4 · 08/04/2019 17:04

It seems like a big deal to you but it really won’t matter in years to come. Can’t it also be something nice for you and your friend to share? No one will even put the 2 together if you have it at your wedding too. I’d just get over it if I were you.

louisvootin · 08/04/2019 17:04

she is being unreasonable op that s a shitty thing to do my sister did this too me aswell. its a horrible thing to do x

Pbelle · 08/04/2019 17:04

Yep. Leave her to it. Nothing against you having the same song and nobody will even remember, believe me.
Be flattered, she likes the song that you picked and is not imaginative enough to find her own.
Life is too short (and friendship too precious) to get worked up over something like that.

FlopsyMopsyRabbit · 08/04/2019 17:05

YANBU

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/04/2019 17:07

I'd be flattered, it's nice that she likes your taste and wants the same. It won't be any less special for you, it's not only special because you're the only people who like that song - it's special because of your memories and attachment to it. It won't be anywhere near as special to her but that doesn't matter either - just live and let live.

MeredithGrey1 · 08/04/2019 17:08

Depends on the song. Generally I would say you are being unreasonable, an exception would be if it is a really outside the box type wedding song, that no one else would ever have. But still, it would have to be very niche for me to think its reasonable to be bothered by it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2019 17:08

Feel sorry for her that she has to borrow your song which means nothing to her, and that she’s now spatting with her DP about it.

Two years?! I feel for you. I’m never being a BM again. Epic ballache.

AliceRR · 08/04/2019 17:10

YANBU

She’s being shitty

louisvootin · 08/04/2019 17:12

what is the song op?

Iltavilli · 08/04/2019 17:12

I REALLY hope it’s Rammstein’s Du Hast and she doesn’t understand the lyrics

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 08/04/2019 17:13

My friend had a song I really liked for her first dance, so i had it for walking down aisle.No biggie.

adulthumanwolf · 08/04/2019 17:15

Down with the sickness?

PawPawNoodle · 08/04/2019 17:16

This screams Panic at the Disco to me.

Chocolateisfab · 08/04/2019 17:17

Note to self to never let on to a chosen baby name.

notharryssally · 08/04/2019 17:21

Well yes you are being unreasonable, but also you're not. If she didn't already have the song in mind, then it's odd behaviour to use the one you know your friend has her heart set on. No you don't own the song but a lot of people would be miffed by this. Only miffed mind - don't make a big deal of it!