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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with friend

132 replies

NC080419 · 08/04/2019 16:58

NC for this...

Friend is getting married this month and I am bridesmaid so have been helping her out. A few months ago she was talking about first dance songs, her and her DF are rockers so she was thinking along them lines.

As part of the convo I said that xyz song is mine and DP's song and it will be first dance when we get married because when it was first released he text me two lines from it, and I responded with the next two, we have been to see the band numerous times together, always sing it in the car to each other, cheesy stuff like that.

At the weekend she told me she is currently "trying to convince" her DF to use xyz song for their first dance, but he isn't convinced. All I text back was "that's mine and DPs song because...(reasons listed above)" I know I told her that was our song and the reasons, but I told her again. She still seems dead set on using it.

I have bent over backwards for her for the last two years as the other bridesmaid hasn't been helping (lives abroad). I am doing her wedding cake the days before the wedding, and she does this?? If said band were to walk across the road in front of her car she wouldn't know who they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Pigflewpast · 08/04/2019 18:12

Just make sure you don’t tell her what baby names your considering if that’s in your future plans

See I’m evil, I’d tell her I was using the names I hate most.

TheweewitchRoz · 08/04/2019 18:13

That's a fantastic idea @Pigflewpast Grin

BeanBag7 · 08/04/2019 18:15

It wouldn't bother me that much and in all likelihood nobody will remember especially if your weddings are months/years apart. If you love the song, your first dance will still be special for you.

I couldnt tell you the first dance songs for any of the weddings I've ever attended...

FizzyGreenWater · 08/04/2019 18:18

You could box a bit more clever and be oooh well it's sad that you have to use mine because you can't find one of your own, won't that feel fake to you? Just don't get upset when you have people asking you why you had to borrow 'me and DPs' song won't you, as everyone will know it's come from me not you... don't you think it should have to be personal to you? etc.

If she still ignores or flips you the bird over it tell her if she uses it you will make her cake look like a dog turd :)

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 08/04/2019 18:18

honestly, her using it does not make it any less meaningful for you.

Pigflewpast · 08/04/2019 18:25

Actually after the baby name thought, how about “ oh we decided that’s not a good song for the wedding we’re changing to ......” insert whatever song is horrendous but not unbelievable

MitziK · 08/04/2019 18:42

Please let it be My Baby is a Headfuck by the Wildhearts.

AnnieMay100 · 08/04/2019 18:59

I’d feel the same as you it may not be ‘your song’ but it’s special to you and rather than thinking of something sentimental she took your idea. Are you sure she didn’t think you were suggesting it to her to use? Can you speak to her fiancé and encourage other song titles in hope she changes her mind. Think some posts are a bit harsh, it will look like op ‘copied’ her friend if they both use the song so she has every right to be upset.

Barbie222 · 08/04/2019 19:04

Nobody apart from you will remember first dance songs I'm afraid. You are rising to something and it's really not worth the hassle.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 08/04/2019 19:05

If it was really important to you that the song was 'yours', what on earth made you share it with her?! Did you tell her straight away it was your choice for a first dance?

If it's bothering you this much and she's a really good friend, I'd speak to her if I were you. If she doesn't get it, you may have to just let it go. I can't imagine a song being more important to me than a close friendship.

sonjadog · 08/04/2019 19:09

Yes, I get that it is annoying, but does it really matter? They will play the song at your wedding and it will bring back special memories for you. You can even tell your guests about the memories if you choose. It won´t be any less special at your wedding because someone else has used it at theirs, even if they do remember your friend using it. The memories and reasons for using it at your wedding are uniquely yours and no-one can change that.

firstbrightday · 08/04/2019 19:09

I get why you're a little miffed but I wouldn't be more than that. At the end of the day does anyone other than the couple really remember, or take much notice, of someone else's first dance song?

They'll be two different weddings and people won't remember. It's not like she's getting the same dress

ImMeantToBeWorking · 08/04/2019 19:46

@LL83 mine isn't a rock song, far from it.

So rang my friend on the way home, she told me she doesn't care she is still usong it (DF still hasn't agreed). She had told me I can't use it for my first song, told me she would dump me as BM if I brought it up again, and when I said thats grand I won't do the cake either she went mental and said I can't let her down so close to the wedding.

I told he she can decide if she wants my song or my cake and hung up.

Petty? Probably. But she has pissed me off even more now. 🙈

Gitfeatures · 08/04/2019 19:53

Well that escalated quickly.

pinkyredrose · 08/04/2019 19:54

Brilliant!

PissOffPeppa · 08/04/2019 20:04

My friend had a song by a rock band who are known in this country but not hugely. I’d never heard the song before. If you played it to me now, I wouldn’t recognise it.

People are likely to remember a very famous song being used at two weddings but a “not typical” song from an unfamiliar band? They’ll have no idea it’s been used at both.

Dotty1970 · 08/04/2019 20:05

I understand, its heart wrenching, just when you think things can't get worse someone uses 'your' song.
I don't even argue anymore, anyone plays our song I just go mental

Dotty1970 · 08/04/2019 20:06

Are you sure your parents are OK with this?

Celeriacacaca · 08/04/2019 20:13

You both sound immature and awful.

Kel801 · 08/04/2019 20:18

Your song? Yes I think you are being unreasonable. By the first dance most guests will have had more than a few and it’s unlikely that anyone will remember or even care if you both thane the same song!

BunnyTeapot · 08/04/2019 20:22

Noone will even remember the song other than those whose wedding it is. Let it go

funkybum · 08/04/2019 20:23

Is it foo fighters? 'Breath in, so I can breath you out..'

TheSandman · 08/04/2019 20:29

You both sound immature and awful.

Very true. At first I thought it was a wind up.

itsabugchicken · 08/04/2019 20:31

It's very annoying op. But honestly, just say no more and let her have "their" song. Most people have a song that reminds them of the honeymoon period in their relationship or one that is special to them so she's probably just jealous that she doesn't have that with her fiancé.

Equally go ahead and have your song for your wedding. No one will remember. I doubt she'll even be on the guest list for your wedding at this rate.

Raspberry88 · 08/04/2019 20:32

songs hold hear meaning to me, and seeing my friend dance to 'my song' at their wedding would upset me.

Whaaaa! But what if it had meaning to them too. You can't own a song.