To be annoyed with friend

[NC080419]

NC for this...

Friend is getting married this month and I am bridesmaid so have been helping her out. A few months ago she was talking about first dance songs, her and her DF are rockers so she was thinking along them lines.

As part of the convo I said that xyz song is mine and DP's song and it will be first dance when we get married because when it was first released he text me two lines from it, and I responded with the next two, we have been to see the band numerous times together, always sing it in the car to each other, cheesy stuff like that.

At the weekend she told me she is currently "trying to convince" her DF to use xyz song for their first dance, but he isn't convinced. All I text back was "that's mine and DPs song because...(reasons listed above)" I know I told her that was our song and the reasons, but I told her again. She still seems dead set on using it.

I have bent over backwards for her for the last two years as the other bridesmaid hasn't been helping (lives abroad). I am doing her wedding cake the days before the wedding, and she does this?? If said band were to walk across the road in front of her car she wouldn't know who they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

[Mycatwontstopstaring]

Wow that is really weird of your friend. Of course you ‘don’t own it’ etc etc, but you told her it was your wedding song. Any real friend would instantly cross it off the list.

She sounds like a frenemy to me.

[Eliza9919]

If she didn't back off the song I'd decline being a BM and sack off her cake. She's being a bitch. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

[Ringdonna]

FFS

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

weddings make people lose their minds

she has already and you're on the brink of it

her using your song does not in any way diminish its meaning for you and your partner.

there is no reason on earth why you should be upset at other people dancing to music you love

FGS in the 90s everyone had "Angels" by Robbie Williams and I've been to at least 3 weddings where the first dance was 500 miles by the proclaimers

[leafy22]

That sucks but you don't own the song

[MummBraTheEverLeaking]

Just stick the song from youtube onto facebook or the like, with a big gushy post to your DF about how much the song means to you both, and that how lovely it'll be to have your first dance to your special song etc etc. May make her think twice about using it because your mutual friends will twig she's copied you at her wedding.

Normally would say nothing to stop you having it, and you know now not to tell her anything in future, but if she's all "it's mine now and you can't have it you'll have to have something else" then screw her. I wouldn't trust her to back off the song so you'll do the cake either really. I mean, once you've provided the cake there's nothing to stop her having the song as well is there!

Maybe if your DF is game you can run up onto the floor and try and engage the happy couple in a dance off

[Eliza9919]

Tell her you've changed your mind to something awful and really hype it up and gush over it, she might decide to choose that instead.

[novasglowx]

Sticking with Rammstein, Heirate Mich?

[Kay2705]

Yabu it's just a song

[DieSchottin93]

Loving the Rammstein suggestions

[HollaHolla]

Bit of Marilyn Manson, or Queensryche?

[BadLad]

I hope it's I've Had An Absolute Cunt Of A Day.

I've arranged for that to be my funeral song, but don't let that stop you, OP.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao5Kq0hJwzY

[BadLad]

I have bent over backwards for her for the last two years as the other bridesmaid hasn't been helping

Fucking hell. Two years preparing for someone else's wedding. Is this usual?

And now it's all pissed up the wall over the choice of a song.

[DanielRicciardosSmile]

It's "Touch my Bum" by The Cheeky Girls, isn't it OP? Your fiance texted you with "You are a cheeky girl" and you texted back with "You are a cheeky boy". You're among friends, there's no shame in admitting it.

[Cherry4weans]

I could understand the yabu posts if she had just chosen the same song, but she only wanted it after you said and hasn't even convinced her fiance (who is the other half of this wedding not you and yours :/ ). It sounds quite sad actually. I would start mentioning it on fb and the likes as suggested by pp. Don't be afraid to use it regardless though. Or just call it out "why would you choose my song don't u have your own?"

[Ihatehashtags]

You don’t have the rights to a song. Weddings are so overrated and everyone gets so uptight about everything.

[ThanosSavedMe]

yanbu

Hopefully as her oh doesn’t like it it won’t happen

[starshollow1]

YANBU at all. What did she reply to your message?

I would be very explicit with her that this has upset you. If she still insists on using it I would subtly tell mutual friends and family what has happened in advance. If she doesn't like that then she shouldn't have done such a shitty thing.

I should say, all this only stands because it's a song that is such a big part of your relationship. If it was just a first dance song you'd randomly chosen I'd be a little irked but get over it.

[KatyaZamolodchikova]

My guess is Crazy Bitch, by Buck Cherry. I do also love the Rammsteine suggestions. I may be back later with more guesses.

[Mousetolioness]

It's a shame you'll possibly fall out permanently and won't be doing the cake. You could have suggested, or surprised her with, the extra-loving effort of piping one tier in a tight-knit curly-ish pattern and inserted the disguised words 'sodding* song thief' at various points. It's time-consuming but you'd have got it off your chest and had the satisfaction of knowing it was there, hidden in plain sight!

Are your piping skills advanced? The trick is to keep the pattern consistent so whether viewed from close proximity or at a distance the pattern is fluid and knitted, with nothing to indicate anything awry with the piping. It takes some doing.

*insert preferred swear word

[LazyLizzy]

You don't own a song, but it wasn't even on your 'friends' radar.

If she was a true friend, after your message she would have thought, 'I'll let NC have this one as it means so much.

But she's not a true friend.

[BlingLoving]

My god. People are crazy when it comes to wedding. It's a song. It's not yours. Anyone can use it or listen to it. Your friends an idiot that she can't come up with her own song, but that's a separate thing. I also can't quite work out why this is such a big deal. I love a big traditional wedding (had one myself) but the agonising over every single little detail never ceases to amaze me.

[spanishwife]

@Raspberry88 but it doesn't have meaning to the friend! That's the point

[spanishwife]

@ScreamingValenta It's a bitchy thing to do. Nobody 'owns' anything, but for example, if you tell your friend you're going to buy a dress for a special occasion, and then they buy it and wear it to the same occasion, that's just not a nice thing to do. It's the same thing.