Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

To be annoyed with friend

132 replies

NC080419 · 08/04/2019 16:58

NC for this...

Friend is getting married this month and I am bridesmaid so have been helping her out. A few months ago she was talking about first dance songs, her and her DF are rockers so she was thinking along them lines.

As part of the convo I said that xyz song is mine and DP's song and it will be first dance when we get married because when it was first released he text me two lines from it, and I responded with the next two, we have been to see the band numerous times together, always sing it in the car to each other, cheesy stuff like that.

At the weekend she told me she is currently "trying to convince" her DF to use xyz song for their first dance, but he isn't convinced. All I text back was "that's mine and DPs song because...(reasons listed above)" I know I told her that was our song and the reasons, but I told her again. She still seems dead set on using it.

I have bent over backwards for her for the last two years as the other bridesmaid hasn't been helping (lives abroad). I am doing her wedding cake the days before the wedding, and she does this?? If said band were to walk across the road in front of her car she wouldn't know who they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

Report

mumineedawee · 08/04/2019 17:35

Sounds like she’s struggling to come up with ideas for a song, then got caught up in the ‘romance’ of your song, and isn’t bothered that it might upset you!

GaynorGoodwin · 08/04/2019 17:36

Yeah it would certainly pee me off but I think on this occasion you’ll just have to let it go. In future, keep things a bit closer to your chest.

HeavensToTenby · 08/04/2019 17:38

Are you sure she doesn't think you suggested it as an idea, rather than telling her it was ringfenced for you? Why would she be trying to 'convince' her fiance?

urkidding · 08/04/2019 17:40

Tell her clearly you do not want her to use it as it is your song, and it is very important to you, and that you hope she understands it has a sentimental value to you.

If she argues about it, tell her you will not make the wedding cake.
Life is too short to put up with this. She probably doesn't have a clue how you feel, and you need to communicate this clearly to her.

LostInShoebiz · 08/04/2019 17:41

I didn’t have a “typical” wedding song for mine. But I’ve been to three other weddings since that had the same song. Wasn’t in the least upsetting. There is nothing new under the sun.

NC080419 · 08/04/2019 17:41

Yes she knows I wanted it as my own. She is trying to convience him as he does not like the song, and it is something he would never listen to in a million years.

its does irk me when people go on about how they have something "not typical"

It is not intentional that is is "not typical" it is just a song we love and holds so much meaning to us and we always dance along too.

I will know for the future what to share with her!

OP posts:

spanishwife · 08/04/2019 17:43

I would annoyed too OP. People on MN are not very sentimental or romantic, but like you, songs hold hear meaning to me, and seeing my friend dance to 'my song' at their wedding would upset me. We have 'a song' too that we had at our wedding that people know about, with a full story behind it.

Pigflewpast · 08/04/2019 17:44

If she’s trying to convince her fiancé that could be your way to sort this, tell him it’s your/dp special song, that you are using for your first song, and that you mentioned it to her which is why she now likes it? Not in an arsy way, but maybe “I’d better not tell her any other ideas or it will be identiwedding” or just as a fact.

BlueJava · 08/04/2019 17:45

YABU it's up to her and her future husband what they decide to use. But lesson learned I think - keep stuff like that to yourself in future then there won't be an issue.

TeaForTheWin · 08/04/2019 17:46

Sounds like something a typical narcissist would do. They have to take your stuff. If you say you want something they have to have it first and let you know they bought it ect… wouldn't trust her as far as you can throw her. Doubt this is an honest mistake but...i'd maybe give this one thing the benefit of the doubt. But if she makes a habit of similar things, competing and one-upping ect...she ain't your friend and you should run for the hills.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 08/04/2019 17:47

It wouldn’t bother me.

I cannot remember even one of the first dance songs from the various weddings I have been to over the years. No ones cares what song it is except you and the groom.

LL83 · 08/04/2019 17:48

Friend "I can't think of wedding song we want a rock one"

OP "I love this rock song for my wedding"

I am not shocked she took it as a suggestion. Dont tell someone a good idea they have the chance to use first.

TidyDancer · 08/04/2019 17:50

I think you were daft to tell her tbh. It's not a huge big deal in the grand scheme of things but I'm surprised she hasn't realised this would at least irk you.

Has she responded to your last message about it?

spanishwife · 08/04/2019 17:51

@LegoPiecesEverywhere No ones cares what song it is except you and the groom. exactly?? She's upset for herself, because the song means something to her. She hasn't mentioned once what others will think.

hazell42 · 08/04/2019 17:53

Unless you are getting married the next day and you are having all the same guests, it doesn't matter at all. No one except you will remember.

FifisLovelyApron · 08/04/2019 17:56

Please tell her explicitly that you don't want her to use it. Don't just fume through icing her wedding cake.

She was probably at a loss for a song, and has picked up on it because your reason was a romantic one. She's not thinking that it was only romantic to you. Ask her why she wants to use it when you said it was your couple song. Don't let her get away with it!

Giraffey1 · 08/04/2019 17:58

Good grief. Talk about first world problems!

FifisLovelyApron · 08/04/2019 17:58

Unless you are getting married the next day and you are having all the same guests, it doesn't matter at all. No one except you will remember.

I went to three weddings last summer. They had "Loving You", "Just Haven't Met You Yet", and a Korean ballad that I don't know. During the first dance you're all standing there watching, it's not like people are ignoring it!

FifisLovelyApron · 08/04/2019 17:59

Talk about first world problems!

This is Mumsnet, not Reuters... But by all means, start a thread about poverty and famine.

Loopytiles · 08/04/2019 17:59

YABU.

ScreamingValenta · 08/04/2019 17:59

She's upset for herself, because the song means something to her

But no one is stopping the OP from using it.

Jaxhog · 08/04/2019 18:01

Be graceful about it. It won't matter by the time you get married.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TheweewitchRoz · 08/04/2019 18:01

I get why you're annoyed - totally understandable but not much you can actually do about it unfortunately.

Just make sure you don't tell her what baby names your considering if that's in your future plans!

FairNotFair · 08/04/2019 18:03

This is Mumsnet, not Reuters

SweetMarmalade · 08/04/2019 18:09

When I first read your thread I thought you were BU but I really don’t think you are.

If the song is as obscure as you’re making out and if your friend wouldn’t have thought of it before you told her, I really think you need to have a chat with her.

Have you set a date for your wedding? If not, maybe that’s why she thinks it doesn’t matter.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.