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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being invasive? I can't decide!

412 replies

WhyReschedule · 08/04/2019 16:10

I've been looking after a friend's DD today and I cleaned her downstairs from top to bottom.

Not out of rudeness, just because I genuinely adore cleaning. I thought she wouldn't mind since her DD is older and happy. Was offered different entertainments by me, etc etc. My own DC was there too but a baby so not of any companionship to her.

Friend came home and said "Blimey! You really have outdone yourself". Her DD even said she hoped I would look after her again. The atmosphere was randomly very tense.

I just left not 15 minutes ago and have received a text saying "Next time you look after DD please don't worry about the housework, you're there to look after her. Not the house. Please just leave it".

AIBU to think this is a bit rude? Blush I feel extremely upset that I would make someone feel down or upset. I really didn't want to offend and did text as much back.

I know a lot of people dislike cleaning and it's something I genuinely enjoy. Most people are over the moon if I offer or do jobs for them. MIL once cried with happiness on return to her clean house from a long day of working.

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 11/04/2019 12:48

OP when are you free for some baby sitting? I HATE cleaning, honestly if O came home and found someone had done it for me I'd be elated, I'd probably sob with relief.

I know not everyone is like me though so perhaps albeit with the best of intentions you overstepped

peepholepringle · 11/04/2019 16:45

Plurabelle I can see how those two things are EXACTLY the same... 🙄

WatershedMoment · 14/04/2019 06:41

"when they went into hospital we cleaned it top to bottom it looked beautiful the husband was so happy but the wife went mad and said we shouldn't of interfered"..

Ok, Im sure it's sexist to even suggest this but it would be interesting to see the % of men who would be offended if someone cleaned their house compared to women.
Also, do the people who are mortally offended by the OP cleaning have a problem with a cleaner coming in. Would that make them feel uncomfortable?

wafflyversatile · 14/04/2019 07:03

What I'm finding interesting on this thread is how many people seem to think that doing a favour by looking after a friends child means you have to be an entertainment machine. Omg a child was left happily entertaining themself for an hour!!!! Shock

snapcrap · 14/04/2019 07:09

Very late to the thread, but this gave me the heeby jeebies.

I think you were really rude to do that OP.

It's not done with good intentions.

At least a part of your motivation was to make a point that the house was messy/dirty. At best you would make someone feel grateful yet embarrassed.

My mum used to bleach my loos and clean my oven when she babysat my kids and it upset me every time. I knew the house wasn't spotless when the children were young, I didn't need reminding of it! And it felt horribly intrusive.

snapcrap · 14/04/2019 08:10

And also I agree with the posters saying that OP and others in support of her are missing the point.

It's great if you'd think it was a lovely gesture someone cleaning your house. But surely anyone with a grain of empathy would understand that not everyone would feel like that. It's not how you, me, or OP feels but the person in question. It's their boundaries. Therefore, don't go through someone else's clothing and belongings without being asked.

So tempted to write 'simples' but then I would have to punch myself in the face so I won't.

memaymamo · 14/04/2019 10:24

Also, do the people who are mortally offended by the OP cleaning have a problem with a cleaner coming in. Would that make them feel uncomfortable?

@WatershedMoment this is obviously completely different. You've asked the cleaner to come and clean! And paid them! You've had time to prepare the house and put away things you know have a place, hide things you'd rather they not see.

Waveysnail · 14/04/2019 10:32

If your good friend and open. Stop texting and go and see her with packet of biscuits. Apologise profusely, that you were trying to help and you realise it was invasive. Your reading tone into a text that may not be there

Waveysnail · 14/04/2019 10:34

She could have lots of her own issues and deflecting - guilt around working, state of the house. She may feel judged even though your not. You need to see her and hash it out. Good friends can get past this

Princesspeachy0 · 14/04/2019 10:35

I think you're a saint!
Your friend said she hadn't done much cleaning that week so you did it for her! While looking after her DD, please be my friend Blush

PBobs · 14/04/2019 12:14

You've already apologised. Fuck that. Don't go apologising again. Friends should be able to have disagreements and minor fall outs without it requiring one of you to grovel to the other. Take the DC on Friday and then leave it for a bit.

woodhill · 14/04/2019 12:24

I know Waffly how would you ever get anything done with your own dc if you felt that angst all the time.

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