Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy

Margot the point is that Mumsnet threads are not exclusively for the OP. Other people read them and they inform their thinking on all sorts of life decisions. So there could be people on here who are, for example, thinking about having a third DC, and they might think again when they picture how life will be when this kids are older.

The girl needs the box room. The boys have to share.

Dd needs her own room. Ds1 and ds2 share.

There’s no point in getting a bigger house if it leaves her broke.

There was no point in having a third child if it left her broke but she did it.

She’s made her choices. Her children have to do without because they were born into a family who can’t afford them. That’s their reality. If she can’t afford everyone to have a proper bed and bedroom, she won’t be able to afford holidays or tv or video consoles...

I wonder how many of them would have been so harsh IRL.

I would absolutely be that harsh in real life if someone told me they lived in a two bedroom unit, already had two children, and were going to bring a third child into the mix with a vague plan of moving in the future, but no real definite arrangement for doing so. I'd also be just as harsh if someone told me the setup that the OP has and has no plan for actually accommodating the family that they have created.

Oh come off it, it's just an excuse to feel superior and take the opportunity to stick the boot in. The OP simply asked for advice and isn't here to be used a public information tool, and the posters having a pop aren't doing it for the good of others either .

MargotLovedTom1 Is that the sort of person you are? Why would it even cross your mind that people are doing it to “stick the boot in” which I presume means kick someone if you didn’t do that sort of thing yourself?

Sorry haven't RTFT so maybe someone has mentioned this already. Perhaps you can use the space more flexibly. It doesn't have to be a case of, "This is your room and it is where you must keep your things, spend your time when awake, change clothes and sleep."

For example, when I had a teen and a younger child in a 2 bedroom house, at first the younger one slept in with us parents, but kept her things in the older one's bedroom. Later she slept in with her sibling, while most of their clothes were kept in our room. During the daytime the bedroom was for the teen's sole use. After the little one went to bed each evening, the teen could use our bedroom to study and relax.

Later, we moved to a 3 bedroom house. The kids preferred still to sleep together in the same bedroom, the biggest bedroom in the house, which the younger one also used as a playroom during the day. The teen and I used the box room as a shared study. She kept her things there, except for clothes.

Maybe you can do something similar to give everyone some private space. I am guessing that both of the boys could do with having some space away from everyone during the daytime. If you are dead set against having your daughter sleep in the same room with one of her brothers, you could still have different arrangements for daytime use of the rooms.

If someone asked me in real life whether it would be a good idea to have a third child when they lived in a small 2 bedroom house, with a vague hope at some point they would be able to move, I would tell them honestly that I thought it would be a bad idea.

They have 2 bedrooms between them, doesn't mean they're in an2 bed house.

The vast majority of children around the world grow up in some form of shared accommodation. It's ridiculous to suggest that there's any kind of human rights infringement of making them share.

DD shouldn't be sharing with a 16 year old. Boys have to share, with room divider or two high sleepers so each have their own space.

Soon enough the 16 year old will be out anyway.

I came away from the thread for a bit, in the hope that all the nonsense would calm down, and I could get back to the posters that are taking the time to actually advise on the issue I asked for.

Their seems not to be not much change. I feel I'll have to just get the thread pulled, due to the ignorant comments on here.

I'm not fucking broke @Supercuts. I just can't afford to dish out ££££££ on a new house, just so 2 of my children don't have to suffer the seemly terrible abuse that is sharing a bedroom.
My DC have holidays, I told you already, plenty of times. We have a TV. And the DC have their consoles (although news to me that buying your kids consoles is the current parenting line here

I'm not putting DS1 needs over DD's either. My words have been twisted. I said that I want DS to feel like he has a home to come to, whenever he should choose. Not that he should have his own room, and fuck the rest of them.

DS1 will go to uni, if he so chooses.

No one is moving to their grandparents.
My children are all perfectly happy.
No one is suffering here.
We have lovely family days.
My DC do like each other.
DS1 does not need to get a job to help fund our family.

So what's the problem? And why cant you sort this yourself without asking Mumsnet who actually don't have any idea what your kids are like, how you live, sizes of rooms. Etc
Just make a decision..jeez.

Oh yes, and to the poster who suggested that my thread may be used as a warning sign to any others hoping to have a third child, fuck off

I hope the opposite, as we have a really loving, happy family. The kids are great mates, despite the age difference and we have a lot of fun together with the 3 of them.

DS1 will go to uni, if he so chooses.
No one is moving to their grandparents.
My children are all perfectly happy.
No one is suffering here.
We have lovely family days.
My DC do like each other.
DS1 does not need to get a job to help fund our family.

So, WTF do you want from us? You think that three growing children in a two bedroom place with the parents sleeping in the living room is perfectly acceptable. You think you're life is 'lovely'. So why did you even post?

So what's the problem?

So, WTF do you want from us?

Just posting to get a bit of a sounding board. Nice to have other opinions, and suggestions that you not have thought of yourself.

Isn't that what people post on forums for?

All the folk horrified at kids sharing better head to the thread with 6 DC plus parents in a 3 bed house!! The horror!! The neglect!!
Nasty attitudes here, for those saying why did you have them, you have no idea of someone's circumstances and why they can't afford to move; job loss, health crisis to name a few. Not everyone has 6 figure salaries and savings.

Nice to have other opinions - but you’ll ask for it to be “pulled” if you don’t agree with them?
And you’re being ridiculously defensive- the poster who suggested moving in with a grandparent was simply making a suggestion based on a real life scenario they had experienced.

Well you know the options and know your children best. Just be a parent and decide. I dont even know why this is an issue tbh.

@SouthernNorthernGirl

Have you tried partitioning off the double room? It was also suggested on your last thread, and may help DS1 feel like he isn't really sharing a room as the boys then have separate spaces.

Or as other posters have suggested renting out the house to be able to rent a bigger one yourself.

The problem with asking for solutions again is that the space available hasn't changed since your last thread, but the children have grown and their needs have changed.

In your OP you say you are at a loss how to make everyone happy, so I assume your children aren't happy with the current /proposed sleeping arrangements.

Children as adults tend to have a very different view from their parents rosy eyed one.

Having little space, privacy etc is a number one complaint for many who as adults can understand that their needs were secondary to parents wants.

Bookworm
you have no idea of someone's circumstances and why they can't afford to move; job loss, health crisis to name a few.

OP has explained why she thinks she can’t move and has mentioned none of these things.

OP I totally understand where you are coming from and I sympathise. we were in the same dilemma but were lucky, (or unlucky really)in that we had some inheritance cash so we're able to have a loft conversion which the eldest had.A friend of mine has the same problem and they bought a lot cabin for the garden, boarded it out and put in an electric heater.
Their DD loves it and has her budgie living in there too! it's surprisingly warm and spacious. Could this be an option for your eldest?

Your older boy will have to accept that he will be sharing with DS2 quite soon. He'll survive! I had 3DC, girl, boy, girl. 13 months between youngest two and elder girl 6 years older than younger girl.
For a while the little ones shared and oldest had her own room but when DS was about 8 or 9 the girls had to share and he had the small room to himself. You have to do what works best and too bad if your DS1 doesn't like it.

I have no issue with the kids sharing, but the fact you OP don't even have a bedroom baffles me!

Sorry, you should have moved before having a third child. 5 people in what sounds like small 2 bed if the 2nd bedroom is a box room was never going to work long term.

Oldest should have his own room for gcse's