To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

[GillianUsedToLiveHere]

Messing with another person’s body in their sleep without consent is no laughing matter

Terrifying that people are thinking this is okay. This is about consent.

It is permanent marker and maybe the families had plans for today that they now have to change.

I would be absolutely furious as the parent of a child who had been drawn on.

[Jessgalinda]

You can't be serious! I can only presume that the person on this thread who claimed that has never experiencedrealassault.

You would hope so

[reindeermania]

I agree with those saying this is awful. Then I often feel humourless in regards to this stuff- a joke to me is told / said and doesn't involve touching/ harming/ humiliating another person. I'd be so let down to find that my children did this. It's cruel and unnecessary

[MazDazzle]

Washable felt tip: funny. Permanent marker: not funny, especially since it’s on their face.

I’ve two kids of a similar age, one would think it was hilarious and the other would put on a brave face, but would feel humiliated and would be upset once home.

I don’t think you’re overreacting OP.

[PassMeTheWine]

This is a mild prank.
If your worried about this then god help you when they are older!
Boys will be boys I'm afraid.

[IncrediblySadToo]

Kids 😖

Has your DS genuinely apologised to his friends that are upset? Not a cursory ‘soorrryyy’, but a genuine sorry?

I would talk (talk not tell off!) ALL of them and tell them it’s a) not nice to do things like that to people when they’re sleeping because they TRUST you and by doing things like this when they’re sleeping breaks that trust. They’ll have to work on getting that trust back and the drawn on boys will have to work on learning to trust them again, but they might not be able to. They need to understand this is different than them all drawing on each other when awake. Then explain it’s not a good idea because of toxins in the pens & possible reactions to removing it too. Don’t be cross, just explain why it’s not a good idea.

Yes, lots of people do it when they’re drunk etc, but they’re older and can sort it out themselves. Not so with children who might struggle to understand/explain why they’re SO upset by it.

I’d try some of the things suggested to remove it, but be careful what you use. I’d rather get the kids back ‘drawn on’ than with reactions to anything too harsh.

It’s all very well people saying ‘no harm done’ but they don’t know that. They might be going to a wedding or something else this weekend - how would you feel if you had to take your child looking like that?

I would go over all that again with DS and if I felt he understood that would be that. If I thought that he still thought it was no big deal then I’d decide on what punishment was suitable, but it would happen in my time, not his Dad’s. Unless it’s VERY serious (school suspension etc) then I think parents should only punish in their own time, not anyone else’s.

[youarenotkiddingme]

Can't believe people think you're over reacting

I would be angry at my ds for doing this and angry if my ds was drawn on.

It's a permanent marker and the aim of the action is humiliation. It is not ok.

[TotalNoob]

I think anything done to someone asleep or unconscious is a no go area and should be treated very seriously.

I 100% agree with this. I would be furious if this happened to either of my dc and also if they thought it was an ok thing to do.

As an aside, I am always when I see Sharpies marketed to children in art and craft sections in the shops. They’re permanent markers

[S1naidSucks]

My middle boy would have thought that it was hilarious if it was done to him, but my oldest would have found it very distressing as he has Aspergers, though many of his friends don’t know. They just think he’s a bit ‘quirky’ or set in his ways. Should he toughen up or grow some resilience? Why do some posters think that all children should react in the same way? You don’t expect women to react the same way in certain situations, do you?

[TotalNoob]

Boys will be boys I'm afraid

Oh dear.

[wonderingsoul]

It was a 12 year old doing harmless stupid things.

Not assault.

I might if raised an eyebrow told them it wasnt very smart but I wouldn't bollock them.

What has the world come To

[Lindtnotlint]

I’m astonished so many people think this is jolly japes. I would have been extremely upset as a child, and would be very cross with my kids if they did this. It’s getting towards bullying because you don’t know that the sleeping person is ok with it. Not nice behaviour at all in my book. (I can imagine that people who never got bullied at school may feel differently!)

[S1naidSucks]

BTW, OP, have you contacted the parents to apologise to them? It might be an idea to do that, as you don’t want them thinking that you condone this behaviour, by your silence.

[mumineedawee]

It’s a stupid prank, but I don’t see how a tech ban is fitting here.... maybe get his friends to draw on your son’s face with said Sharpie as punishment?

[TreadingThePrimrosePath]

If they’d done it to each other, awake and idiotic, that’s one thing.
But they drew on sleeping friends in permanent marker, and that’s unacceptable on all levels. I’d have been less angry if they’d grafittied a wall in my home.
Let’s hope the children’s parents can help them deal with their confusion and embarrassment so that the friendships aren’t damaged.

[S1naidSucks]

Boys will be boys I'm afraid.

FFS! 🙄

[HotpotLawyer]

I would be really upset with my Dc did this and more do if my child was forced to spend a Sunday lunch out, football practice and the next day at school looking like a clown because some other child did this.

So I don’t think you are over reacting.

How is your Ds reacting to the other boys’ upset? I’d he sorry? Has he apologised?

I would talk to him and explain that this is a horrible thing, to expose his friend to something that makes him feel embarrassed and will look stupid.

And consent. Tell him you never ever to anything to anyone else’s body or property without consent.

At 12 they are old enough to understand this, think about it, reflect and learn. I would be less bothered abou a punishment.

[LuvSmallDogs]

Oh pfft, they’re lucky it’s not dicks or something.

As a late teen, DH crashed at a mate’s after a party, woke up the next day and left immediately. On the way home he stopped by a shop and was chuffed at the pretty cashier girl’s constant glances and smiles. Got home and he had dicks drawn on his face.

[S1naidSucks]

We’re talking about young boys, not stupid drunken men.

[gamerwidow]

I'd be cross about this too it's not just good fun it's nasty bullying behaviour towards two people who are supposed to be his friends and trusted him.

I would be having strong words with him about consent and things only being fun if everyone involved is enjoying it and i'd be making him apologise to the boy's parents himself.

Yes in the grand scheme of things it will be ok and the boys won't be scarred for life by the experience but this was unkind and I wouldn't sweep it under the carpet.

[WhiskersPete]

Complete over reaction. They are 12 year old boys!

Have him explain to the other boys parents what he did and then he might appreciate he’s been silly.

[BinaryStar]

I would be furious if this was done to my child. This isn’t a “mild prank”, the aim is to humiliate the child for days.

[MotherofDinosaurs]

I once wrote 'cunt' on a friend's forehead when they were napping on holiday. We were well into our thirties. It was fucking hilarious. So yes chill out.

[GreenTulips]

Baby oil works

[Shadycorner]

Yes try hair spray or rubbing alcohol.

I get that as host it does put you in an embarrassing position op and it would be pretty awful if one of the boys had his Communion or was attending a wedding or something today. All you can do is do your best to remove it, apologize to the boys and their parents profusely and tell your lad in no uncertain terms that this is not on. Twelve yr olds can be daft sometimes.