To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

[PeapodBurgundy]

Agree with PP. It was a stupid thing to do, but 12 year olds in company of other 12 year olds are often prone to doing stupid things. Again, as PP have said, they could have done MUCH worse.

If it makes you feel any better, if I was one of the parents I wouldn't be furious or blame you when I picked my child up unless it was part of a bigger picture of bullying etc. The fact that they were invited to, and chose to attend a sleepover it seems unlikely this is the case.

[Banhaha]

@PassMeTheWine
If your worried about this then god help you when they are older! and that's why this sort of thing should be addressed now so they learn boundaries.

Boys will be boys I'm afraid - seriously?!

[CarolDanvers]

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all actually. Takes ages for sharpie to come off fingers and hands let alone faces with far more delicate skin. How were the lucky pair chosen? Why them? Must be horribly humiliating for the two who had it done and they’re going to have to walk around having people double take at them for days. Just what self conscious 12 year olds enjoy. They’re young kids not drunk students who would laugh it off because anything goes. I don’t really do “punishments” but I’d make it clear how disappointed I was with my child and how nasty I thought it was and probably confiscate devices or gaming consoles for a few days.

[Happygolucky009]

I would be livid with my son and implementing punishments. No further sleepovers would be allowed, these kids were his guests and he treated them appallingly.

Further I agree this was assault!

[TreadingThePrimrosePath]

Just thinking of my two. DD would have been devastated and would’nt have got over it. DS would have dismantled them.
I wonder which response is more MN-acceptable, being a jolly old laugh about it isn’t an option. Snowflake or Cave Bear? And which response is more likely to prevent the pranksters/boyswillbeboys/allingoodfunchaps from repeating said joke?

[itsabongthing]

Their parents won’t be happy but I doubt they will blame you. You could not have been expected to supervise them all night! I would be cross with my child if they had been the one drawing on someone but if it wasn’t your son I don’t think you can blame him.

[Unihorn]

For the posters calling it assault, would you involve police in this situation then? As that's generally what people do when assault is committed

[DogHairEverywhere]

I don't think I'd be punishing ds, but i would be talking to them all about how inappropriate it is to interfere (in any way) with someone while they are sleeping. Ask them how they would feel, explain how the victims are upset etc etc.
I would use this as a learning experience rather than one needing punishment, particularly as you don't know how the situation played out, that your ds may have tried to intervene etc, etc.
I would also take the time to apologise to the parents and explain that you have had a chat with all the boys.

[TaylahForsyth]

@TotalNoob Why would you be surprised that they are in the kids section? Why do you think kids wouldn't need them? Kids use them for things like school projects and presentations such as on cardboard sheets or for artwork such as designing tshirts. In fact they are on the student book/pencils list required to buy each year at my local schools.

[CarolDanvers]

I hope you come back and see further replies OP rather than the airy So What? replies you first got. You’re not overreacting and most sensible people would agree with your take on it. I’m amazed at some of the responses on here.

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

Yeah I would be furious that my child had been intentionally cruel to their friends. I would also be mortified about dealing with this with the parents who would be totally reasonable if they were really upset.

They have humiliated two boys for shits and giggles. Has he realised that’s probably the end of those friendships? I wouldn’t have your son over again if mine was a drawn on child.

Is it actual sharpie permanent marker? That’s way worse than felt tip.

[LuvSmallDogs]

S1naidsucks, giddy 12 y/os and giddy, tipsy 18 y/os, both prone to pranks. Honestly, permanent marker isn’t an actual fucking tattoo. I dragged up my dad while he was asleep once, guess I should have been reported to the police for putting him in makeup and nail polish.

[Waveysnail]

This is so not ok. I'm laid back but this is a form of bullying. If just been been some makeup etc - that's a prank as can washed off. They knew they were using a permanenet marker that wouldnt come off and deliberately targeted someone. Its unbelievably wrong

[Dowdydoes]

It’s not funny - it might have been if they did it to each other but only two? And they are upset so it’s bullying? If my kid went to a sleep over and came home like this I would suspect that it had been more Lord if the Flies than daft jokes.

[Iloveacurry]

I don’t think your over reacting. I’d be angry too. The parents will also be annoyed too. What if they’ve got plans such as wedding or party? And their child’s face is covered in pen marks?!

[Banhaha]

@LuvSmallDogs - you should have been told it was wrong to do things to people in their sleep. Because it is.

[TotalNoob]

@TaylahForsyth because they are permanent markers? I’ve managed 12yrs of art and crafts with my dc without using them. I was meaning younger children then the ones the op is dealing with anyway really. That said, my 12yr old comes home from school covered in ink or paint most days so maybe I did mean that age group as well

[0ccamsRazor]

@PassMeTheWine

This is a mild prank.
If your worried about this then god help you when they are older!
Boys will be boys I'm afraid

Really?

Think about what you have said here.

[Shadycorner]

Meant to add; once your ds is back home I would enforce "natural consequences" ie if he wants to go somewhere alone for the first time, or stay out later than normal, or have another sleepover, (all things that involve trust) then you can refuse permission saying that he broke your trust (was not a responsible host) and that of his friends and that hosting friend requires an element of safeguarding and making sure things don't get out of hand.

[ConkerGame]

I think it’s a bit of an overreaction. They were having a laugh - that’s what kids do on sleepovers. It’s a shame the two boys were upset. Most of my friends would have found it hilarious at that age, a couple would at worst have been a bit annoyed but nobody would have felt upset or bullied! I think these kids need to learn a bit more resilience and would be helped by their parents laughing it off with them rather than treating it like an assault!

[c75kp0r]

I think the challenge is when the victims seem to be saying "ha ha yes what a jolly jape" - how you convince the 12 year olds who did it that actually the victims may be feeling humiliated and that their trust has been breached.
Chances are they just didn't think this through

[LuvSmallDogs]

@Banhaha, once the panic of hunting for makeup remover at 6am so he could go to work was over, my dad thought it was hilarious. Yet somehow I’ve managed not to rape or murder anyone in their sleep in the decade+ since.

People are blowing this out of proportion. Sure, tell the kids permanent marker is a bit much - could be they were the first coloured pens they could find. Tell them that when a prank fails to land you should apologise.

But crying assault and acting as though it’s the beginning of some nasty criminal who preys on unconscious victims? Lol.

[Twickerhun]

Boys will be boys? wTF?
I would be livid. And making them apologise profusely to the ‘Victims’ (for want if a better word)

[TotalNoob]

It’s only a joke if everyone’s laughing.

These boys are upset. Therefore it’s not a joke.

[TriarFuck]

I'm afraid I'd have been laughing if any of mine had come home from a sleepover complete with Sharpie moustache and bushy eyebrows. I wonder if the boys who are upset are upset because they've gathered from you that it's a problem, OP?

I'd have told mine off if they had been doing the drawing, but only because I would feel I ought to.

(Though I wouldn't feel guilty about feeling the way you do. You're entitled to feel however you feel).