To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

[JacquesHammer]

This attitude is why men get away with everything

Great post.

OP - I would be furious too. Pranks are generally unkind and this is no exception. It’s only a joke if everyone finds it funny.

[Bishbashthrash]

OMG I would have totally laughed and taken pictures. At 12 you are lucky it wasn't willies and boobs!!

I'd find it hard to get cross over this tbh. Also cringing at you helping them clean it off. They are 12 not 2!!!!

[CarolDanvers]

OMG I would have totally laughed and taken pictures

Really? Laughed and taken photos of upset humiliated children? Sure you would

[JollyAndBright]

DS (12) is pale and when at a rugby match his team decided to write their team initials on their cheeks in sharpie.

I was less than impressed, as were most parents.

If you slather some hand sanitiser (alcohol based) on and rub with a cotton pad it does wipe it off completely.
It takes a while though.

DS was one of the only ones at school the next day who’d managed to get it off.

[GeraldineFangedVagine]

I wouldn’t be furious if my son came home having been drawn on. It’s not the end of the world and I’m sure the boys who did it weren’t thinking of the implications of it in the moment. Just tell him why he shouldn’t have done it and ask him to apologise properly to his friends.

[faeveren]

I think the OP meant the dad was a bully in general not her son.

[JollyAndBright]

Woah, if your son is a bully then that changes things.

The OP was talking about her exH.

[MrsRyanGosling15]

And also as the adult in charge I think you have to take your lead from how they boys responded. So if they are laughing and think it's hilarious or if they are upset and feel embarrassed annoyed.

[ShesABelter]

If I collected my son and it were him that had been drawn on I wouldn't be bothered. it's what a lot of boys do at that age (and older) if you fall asleep.

[Busybusybust]

My son did this on his ittle sister's face (came home a bit pissed and thought it was a good idea!) but the problem was - it was my mother's funeral the following day.

[NewName54321]

OP, The things you can take away from this are that:

1. Unless you know them very well, the friend's parents' reaction could be absolutely anything from "Boys will be boys" to accusations of assault.
   
2. There are people who would recommend you try all sorts of liquids on other people’s children's faces in an attempt to shift the marks.
   

If we were going to an event this weekend where the children needed to look smart (wedding, Christening, tea with easily-offended FIL who has glasses and a moustache) then I would be crosser if it were just a weekend at home.

As the Sharpie won't come off, you need to contact the parents, apologise, and tell them how you plan trying to remove it.

[Trekkingbeyond]

Really torn here. They are only 12 but yes not great. Think calling it assault is ridiculously overreacting though. As long as they all realise that it's not acceptable then it's a lesson learnt.

[Newyearnewname2019]

Huge overreaction.

[Peridot1]

TaylahForsyth - I read it that the OP’s X is a bully. Not her DS.

I’m not surprised you are angry OP. I would be too. It’s a horrible thing to do.

Have you let them all know you are angry? I would be letting all the parents know and suggesting they do something to make it up to the two victims. Yes it was a silly prank but silly pranks can have consequences.

[NewName54321]

Crosser than...

[O4FS]

Are they still there?

If it were me, I’d be ringing the parents and apologising. They probably already know but it needs to come from you.

The parents of the other boys need to know. It’s not funny, and it’s up to them to discipline them. They didn’t stop the others from doing it, so have to take some of the blame.

You know you ultimately need to take responsibility for this, but make sure your DS knows how very disappointed you are.

It IS serious because of their age and what is/isn’t appropriate. Ok, so ‘assault’ is pretty strong but those boys are the butt of someone’s humiliating prank.

My friends son is 16 and recently had an eyebrow shaved off and was drawn on while asleep. He was so upset, his parents were furious. Made him realise who his friends are.

Do people really say ‘boys will boys’ anymore? Jeez. Thought we had evolved.

[ineedaholidaynow]

I would have felt really humiliated if this had happened to me at a sleepover, especially if I was the only one.

I would also hate it if it happened to me now.

What would happen if one of those children had something important to go to in the next few days, and the ink still hasn’t come off?

I wouldn’t be too impressed if my DH did something like this to any of his friends.

I absolutely hate the phrase ‘boys will be boys’. We have a DS and we are definitely not bringing him up with that attitude.

[Still18atheart]

Yanbu I’d be angry at him but only for not coming up with a more original prank They are 12 yo boys at a sleepover surely a prank is par for the course and a right of passage

[KnifeAngel]

I was drawn on when I left my job. Cif works well just make sure you wash it off well afterwards.

[peoplepleaser1]

To clarify, DS' dad is a bully and inconsiderate, not DS.

I'm not aware that DS has done anything bully like until this.

[bubbleheady]

My sister drew a willy on my forehead after I passed out drunk. She wasn’t so kind as to use a sharpie. Permanent marker was much more effective.
I didn’t notice it until I’d walked back to my house from hers. Oh and she also coloured my nose in red for extra good measure.
Honestly it’s part of life to have people do stupid things to you unless you live in a fortress maybe and you’re unlikely to come across this. The ability to laugh it off, look back and laugh and move on are all great skills to have. If the dc are very upset then I suppose explain that he’s hurt their feelings and one day those snowflakes will get into the big wide world and realise it’s the least of their worries.
Ps me and sister are professionals. Unless it’s the weekend

[Orangecookie]

Not overreacting, though I think a lot of boys do silly stuff. I really don’t like the practical jokes on others, but if my son did this I’d be angry, definitely make him apologise to the parents. Face to face. I’d have him at the doorstop with them to explain!

Then I’d leave it at that.

[Orangecookie]

I really hate the whole pranks are a right of passage crap too.

It’s not public school / frat! We can live differently. There are loads of ways to have a laugh without hurting or humiliating people you know!

It’s about time we all stopped doing it. Or you get horrible stuff like boys assaulting each other and it goes too far... like really really too far.

[Peopleshouldread]

This happened to me when I was about 13 at a sleepover. I fell asleep first, and everyone else decided to put a bunch of clown make up on me. Blush, blue eyeshadow, fake eyebrows, lipstick etc.

When I woke up , no one told me. There was no mirror in the separate toilet, and when the mother appeared she said nothing either.I knew everyone was laughing at me but didn't know why, and was really uncomfortable so I rang my Mum to get me, saying I felt unwell.. A couple of hours later. Only after I called my mum, they told me to look in the mirror in the bathroom. I was humiliated, and so upset but made out like I was fine and thought it was a great joke.

As a result, years later I can't sleep in public spaces like planes, hospitals, on my couch, in a friends lounge etc .I don't trust what people will do while I'm asleep.

I'd be really cross with my son if he did that, and even if the boys who got drawn on are saying it's okay - I doubt they really think that. I'll bet they're mad , upset and feel singled out.

[O4FS]

‘Snowflakes’ FFS.

These are 12 year old children.

It’s enitirely different to pissed up 18 year olds.