AIBU or is this OTT? 5yo's Ballet show

[Emergencyblueberries]

DD is 5yo and does a weekly 30 minute ballet class. All the children in her group are 4 or 5. It mostly seems to involve skipping and running around in a circle waving a fairy wand but they all seem to enjoy it. At last weeks lesson their teacher told them they were going to do a show and that all their mummies and daddies would be able to watch. No further details given but we were told we'd get an email. The children were all very excited.

Yesterday we received a very lengthy email informing us that the dance school are putting on a show this summer at a local theatre, there will be a matinee and an evening performance on the same day. It was emphasised that all children must perform in both shows. It's on a Sunday, in term time, each performance is 2.5 hours long but they have to be at the theatre in costume and make up an hour before it starts. The evening performance doesn't finish until 9pm! DD is usually fast asleep by 7pm.

It went on to say there will be a dress rehearsal on the Friday before the show for which the children are expected to miss half a day of school and a parent must be present to chaperone them. No acknowledgement that some parents have jobs and might therefore be unable pick their DC up from school at midday, drive them to the theatre and hang around for hours on a working day. The Sunday before that there is a 4.5 hour rehearsal which finishes at 6.30pm.

It also said "each one of you is expected to volunteer to help backstage for at least one of the performances". In those words. No "please" or "we would appreciate it if you could.."

Tickets to watch the show are £16 each (is that normal for a kids dance show??) and apparently we will be recieving a bill for our child's costume/costumes in due course.

AIBU in thinking that it's completely OTT to expect this level of committment from a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds?? I realise that most of the other dancers will be older, have probably been dancing for years and are taking proper ballet exams etc. so of course for them it's different. But WIBU to tell the dance teacher I don't want DD to be in the show as I feel it's too much pressure and she'll be too tired? I don't want her to feel like she's missing out but she's usually shattered by the end of a normal week at school as it is.

Sounds like the one our local dance school put on and was the reason my daughter never went to ballet classes! (I also can't sew so knew I would struggle to make the costumes )

I think it being compulsory (are you really sure this is the case for 4/5 year olds ) and taking them out of school is batshit.

The rest is pretty standard and it's an amazing experience for the dancers most of whom are never going to dance in 'proper shows' elsewhere. It might also be that the info is standard and they don't expect the tinies to stay till the end.

To the pp I've never had to sew a uniform they'd regret that and the buns are varied in their quality. Most people don't take it as seriously as the ballet posts on MN imply.

it will be nice to see the show imo,
they are demanding though, my youngest dd was in similar show, her older sister refused.

in fact i think my dd was preschool

my friend's nearly 4yo does ballet, and the last class of each term the parents are allowed to watch (when they're younger the parents sit at the back) and I presume they show off a bit of what they'd learned.

I'd happily pay and take dd to the matinee performance but not get her to participate.

Bit of an update.

DD mentioned the ballet show this morning and it quickly became clear that she was under the impression it would be in the same village hall where they do the ballet classes, with just a few parents watching. So I explained that it will be in a proper theatre, the one where she went to see a pantomime last Christmas with her GP's, and she immediately said "I don't want to do that, mummy". My initial instinct was to think "great, problem solved!" but then I felt a sudden pang of guilt as I really don't want her to feel she's missing out. So against my better judgement I found myself telling her that it's normal to be nervous because she's never done anything like this before but that she would be fine, that she'd have a chance to practice on the big stage to get used to it and it could be a lot of fun etc. She was adamant though. She just kept repeating "I don't want to". Obviously the dance schools expectation is that all the DC "must" be in the shows but I'm not going to push my DD to do something she feels uncomfortable with.

I've emailed the dance teacher explaining that while DD really enjoys the classes, she really doesn't want to take part in the show and I'm not prepared to force her. I've also suggested (I tried to be as polite as possible in my wording) that if participation in productions on this scale, time out of school for rehearsals and parents being available to help backstage are to be treated as compulsory then perhaps in future this could be explained to parents when they first sign up for classes so that they can make an informed decision as to whether this is something they're able to commit to.

Probably won't go down well but hey ho.

Sounds like you dud the right thing. I struggle to believe that a performance of this scale will be to the benefit of a bunch of 5 year old's! Bet they'd be more happy on a stage in the village hall!

I do too, Mini. Last night I was all decided "right, she's not doing it!" but having slept on it I wanted to know how DD felt about it first. If she'd really wanted to do it then no doubt I would have felt guilted into going along with it but I have to admit I'm relieved.

Half expecting the dance teacher to say she can't carry on with the classes if she doesn't so the shows but if that's the case then so be it.

The shows have never been compulsory at any dance school my two have attended and I’m also friends with a lot of dance school owners.

In fact at the school dd went to before going to vocational school the show was always held the last week of term when a nearby private school had broken up and each year a handful of kids didn’t take part due to being on holiday.

Most of it sounds fairly normal. But DDs dance school always do their shows the first weekend of the summer or Christmas holidays and we know at least 12 months in advance that they’re happening.

As for chaperones, they ask for the exact number they need to cover all shows to include parents still being able to watch one show.

I know DD is permitted to be absent from school for exams, just like with music ones.

DH is often aghast at the level of commitment expected but understands that dance and theatre is incredibly important to DD. The teacher is also incredibly good at not pushing the children if they’re not emotionally ready for an exam or performance.

My experience has always been that the shows are of an amazing standard and the children love it and are incredibly proud of themselves at the end of it.

I can’t see there should be a problem if you say your Dd is unable to participate in the show this year though. It certainly shouldn’t be in the T&Cs that it’s compulsory.

Its such a shame isnt it as I expect the young children would love a chance to dance in front of their parents at the village hall without all the crazy!

I certainly wouldn't force a 5 year old!

Half expecting the dance teacher to say she can't carry on with the classes if she doesn't so the shows but if that's the case then so be it.

I think this is unlikely but if she does it is actual hard evidence that she is batshit, so find a different dance school. I can't get my head around forcing kids to take part, it's surely enough work preparing the ones who do want to do it

I doubt the show's compulsory, I think it's quite common for little ones not to want to do it. Be prepared for her to change her mind several times before the day though - that's normal too.

Completely normal for dance.

My girls dance school will do a letter for school explaining why they're missing time from school. They apparently then don't get marked as absent as it's arts / educational.

Omg. Is this what those "dance" kids actually do? Ffs

Yes white 'dance kids' dance in shows . Bit like 'football kids' play in matches every week with their parents freezing their arses off at the side of the pitch. Why is it only an issue for dance?

We had a similar thing only our DC was 6.

Originally, I said no due to cost but relented in the end as DC was mad keen to do it and all her friends would also be taking part. It also isn't a regular show, so unikely to be repeated anytime soon, and was taking place at a well known theatre near us.

However, it was organised to make it as easy for parents as possible. Parents were asked to volunteer but this was optional. Two pre show rehearsals were at the weekend (two mornings so not a huge commitment and DC saw it as extra playdates with her friends). Younger kids only performed in the matinee. Only older kids performed in the matinee and evening shows. We also had to pay a hire fee for show costumes and a portion of the theatre hire cost. All in (including tickets to attend the show) I reckon it cost is around £200 excluding cost of professional photos we purchased after the show (photos and videos weren't allowe during the show).

Yes, it was a lot of money. Yes, it pained me to pay it but they spread the cost out for parents over several months. However, I don't regret it and I'm glad I relented because:

• it was an amazing experience for my DC to be on stage in a large theatre. She loved it and I was surprised to see how confident and comfortable she was on stage. (Original reasons for ballet lessons was actually to build confidence for DC.)

• it really inspired her love of performance. She's done the usual "parent watching week" type of shows before but I had underestimated the impact of a large theatre audience, the lights, the back stage excitement, the applause!

• the discipline required and rehearsals. For my DC, she saw that the show and enjoyment she got out of it was a direct result of her own hard work which is a good thing to learn.

• I grumbled about the costume hire fee but I was blown away on the day by how slick and professional the show was. I was really impressed by the production and it felt like a proper night out at the theatre and I enjoyed every moment (not just when my DC was on stage for a tiny bit of it).

• Memories are priceless as I think DC will remember this all her life.

My DC didn't have to miss any school time for rehearsals but this wouldn't have been an issue for me even if they had requested it. At 5, they're not doing a huge amount of work in the time she'd be rehearsing. If it's important to you that she doesn't miss any class time, perhaps ask the teacher what she would be doing and ask if you can do it with her at home.

Tea this is nothing like footy kids. Tell me when a kids football team has ever charged 250 quid to be in a match like these shows. Or when they've had to attend compulsory training during school time. That's ridiculous.

Full weekends at competitions? Football might be a bit chilly but it is a couple of hours once a week plus another hour training. Hardly comparable

Ýeah its once a week rather than in one go. Tbh you seem sneery, presumably 'girls' hobbies are less worthwhile. As others have said anyway missing school and the compulsory nature are odd in the extreme.

Friends dd had exactly one of these a few weeks ago. She didn’t get home from the evening matinee until 11:30pm! She had to be up at 6 for school the next day. Sounds horribly intense for a 5 year old and not worth missing school for.

The rehearsal times and and performances sound very long.

However one show dd did at 5 has been rehearsal at 3:30, break at 6, back for the show at 7 until around 10 Which was a really long time but dd was ok with it all.

Normally with her other classes it’s a rehearsal for a couple of hours on a different day to the show and the a 7 start with a finish for the younger children at the interval.

I’ve never had rehearsals scheduled during school hours so that sounds very unusual.

Money wise tickets and costumes that all sounds like the norm and sometimes we pay a couple of pounds for the rehearsal space.

Skipping around you should really google, it’s very interesting to see why it’s done or you could just ask the teacher.

Your dd doesn’t have to take part in shows if for some reason it’s a problem.

My just 4 year old did a similar thing, apart from missing school. I was very dubious, especially as he hadnt long started classes. I was going to say no (show was definitely optional) but husband wanted him to have a go. It was a pain in the neck juggling a baby and helping backstage, but he absolutely loved the whole experience. I had to drag him away from the dress rehearsal when he'd done his bit because he wanted to watch the older ones. I had the option of taking him home at the interval but he point blank refused because he wanted to do his bow at the end!! Cost relative to time on stage was a bit insane but they did give us plenty of notice about the costs.

Also at all of dd’s dance schools the children aren’t forced to do shows or exams and are not penalised for not taking part.

Some children are quite happy (and rightly so) in doing the classes with no extras. It would be a shame for the love of the class to be ruined just because a child doesn’t want to do a show.

I would never force my child or expect a dance school to force a child into performing, what benefit would that be to the child.

There are obviously benefits to them taking part, confidence, team working, commitment etc but not if they are forced into something they don’t want to do.

Tea have you got out of the wrong side of bed?

Where did I say anything about "girls" vs "boys" hobbies? My niece is a footballer, my son hated it so doesn't go.

You are calling me sneery for having the same opinion as you!

I think its just like football.

Having to get up at the crack of dawn and taking your child to away matches spending £££ in petrol then if they are good there are sports tours abroad. Now not all kids football teams do expensive sports tours but not all kids dance schools have a show set up like the one the OP has described. My brother has spent farmore on football for my nephew than I have ever spent on dance for my son. I won't count my daughter as she is in elite training so of course we have invested as far as we are able in her future career.