AIBU or is this OTT? 5yo's Ballet show

[Emergencyblueberries]

DD is 5yo and does a weekly 30 minute ballet class. All the children in her group are 4 or 5. It mostly seems to involve skipping and running around in a circle waving a fairy wand but they all seem to enjoy it. At last weeks lesson their teacher told them they were going to do a show and that all their mummies and daddies would be able to watch. No further details given but we were told we'd get an email. The children were all very excited.

Yesterday we received a very lengthy email informing us that the dance school are putting on a show this summer at a local theatre, there will be a matinee and an evening performance on the same day. It was emphasised that all children must perform in both shows. It's on a Sunday, in term time, each performance is 2.5 hours long but they have to be at the theatre in costume and make up an hour before it starts. The evening performance doesn't finish until 9pm! DD is usually fast asleep by 7pm.

It went on to say there will be a dress rehearsal on the Friday before the show for which the children are expected to miss half a day of school and a parent must be present to chaperone them. No acknowledgement that some parents have jobs and might therefore be unable pick their DC up from school at midday, drive them to the theatre and hang around for hours on a working day. The Sunday before that there is a 4.5 hour rehearsal which finishes at 6.30pm.

It also said "each one of you is expected to volunteer to help backstage for at least one of the performances". In those words. No "please" or "we would appreciate it if you could.."

Tickets to watch the show are £16 each (is that normal for a kids dance show??) and apparently we will be recieving a bill for our child's costume/costumes in due course.

AIBU in thinking that it's completely OTT to expect this level of committment from a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds?? I realise that most of the other dancers will be older, have probably been dancing for years and are taking proper ballet exams etc. so of course for them it's different. But WIBU to tell the dance teacher I don't want DD to be in the show as I feel it's too much pressure and she'll be too tired? I don't want her to feel like she's missing out but she's usually shattered by the end of a normal week at school as it is.

[TooStressyTooMessy]

The hours of the show sound long. I’d expect the younger ones to be able to go at the interval but otherwise I would view that as normal.

[TwoShades1]

This is dance. This is also why I will never encourage or even suggest my child does dancing. If they are very keen of their own accord it’s fine, but I certainly wouldn’t point them towards it as I personally find the cost and commitment a bit excessive.

[MotherOfDragonite]

I'd withdraw her, this is crazy and stressful.

If they have to do this, can't they just do a matinee and do all the rehearsals in class time?

[Chickychoccyegg]

unfortunately seems to be standard, its a long and boring day, watching loads of kids you dont know dance, just to see your own dc dance for less than 5 mins, costs an absolute fortune for tickets, hiring costumes, buying food etc in the hours between performances , im gladcmy dd's gave it up
yanbu

[llangennith]

Find another dance class.

[Frazzledmum123]

@littledoll33 whilst I share you loathing of hobby groups actually I doubt a great deal is made from the show. I felt exactly the same but seeing it in a big hall (which would not have been cheap to hire) with all the props which the teacher made herself and which must have taken hours and the people she had in to film it etc, I honestly don't think there was a huge profit, and what profit there was would have been earned for the hours she must have put into it. I'm definitely not a typical dance mum and I'm bloody glad she only does them every 2 years but it really was lovely to see my normally shy dd so proud of having performed in front of so many people. I'd been trying to convince her to give up ballet before but it made me realise the good it is doing her and that perhaps I should be more encouraging instead

[wendz86]

Some of it normal . Some seems over the top . I wouldn’t take my child out of school for rehearsal . Also evening is late for little ones . The costs etc are pretty average though .

[Smelborp]

It’s ridiculous but normal.

My 6yo had a dance which went on till 11pm. Took ages to recover.

[HelicopteringBastard]

Welcome to the world of kiddy dancing - they had mine in full make up at the age of 4, and me paying £20 for tickets, doing days 7am-8pm three days on the trot. Absolutely insane, but DD loves the skipping dancing.

[Newyearnewname2019]

Not a chance. I have a 4 year old. She wouldn't be doing any of those things at her age.

[Parker231]

It is not normal. I would be finding another dance school. My DD did ballet but without any shows and never any time off school.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Dd and ds both did loads of eca’s including dance, drama, singing, music and several sports related activities.

I probably placed more emphasis on those than actual school because both were severely dyslexic and had other issues and neither (even at a young age I could tell) would have suited jobs in an office environment or just doing a basic 9-5 job 5 days per week.

Dd has made a career out of her ECAs and is qualified to teach a couple of the activities

Both really enjoyed doing the end of year shows but I went down the route of the MT and drama type organisations which were so much different in a better way to the purely dance schools.

[Coulddowithanap]

Sounds normal to me.

DDs ballet school always schedule rehearsal during a half term or on a weekend.
The little ones are usually allowed to be signed out at the interval and brought back for the evening performance.

DD has only ever had time off school for ballet for her exams.

[thismeansnothing]

This is almost pretty normal.

At my daughter's previous dance school they also do a yearly show in a theatre. She does ballet tap and modern. Costumes were £40-50 for each style. Worn for all of 5 mins never to be needed again. Plenty of rehearsals in the run up that needed paying for. Parents to be chaperones on the day. £15-20 a ticket to watch and 2 performances on the day. Then there were also exams to pay for. She is 6!!!!

Needless to say we switched schools. Still got exams to pay for which is fine. They also do a show, but it was in the local church hall. £5 a ticket. Rehearsals were during lesson time and costumes were recycled from previous years. Much more our thing

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

I would be writing back ‘lol no’. It’s bad enough that they are even having a performance in the first place (nobody wants to see that ffs) but just expecting you to take you child out of school, take time off work and volunteer back stage (what are they even going to do with so many parents?) is mad. You’re paying them not the other way around. If this was the royal ballet that’s one thing but it’s a local dance class for four year olds.

[TooStressyTooMessy]

Gregory, I, and lots of other parents absolutely love seeing the dance shows. In addition to seeing my own DC and their friends, we get to see some truly amazing dancing from the seniors.

[Lllot5]

My granddaughter does ballet and tap. This year’s shows were Saturday evening Sunday matinee and Sunday evening. But she’s a bit older than your daughter op. They do a show every two years, and the little ones go on first and can go home if they are tired.

[Selmababies]

Mumsnet so hates a good dance show that is well organised and professionally staged!

As a parent, if you don't want to make the committment to your child being involved in the show, then simply find a different dance school. There's plenty around that never put on a show, and these will clearly suit you better.
You'll be doing all the parent helpers/chaperones (who usually give up about 20 hours of their own time) a huge favour as you won't be at the stage door moaning about your child being late out from the dress rehearsal etc (usually because they're having a good time).

Dance is a performing art and it's not unreasonable that the children get an opportunity to showcase their talent and achievements in a show.

[Selmababies]

If this was the royal ballet that’s one thing but it’s a local dance class for four year olds.

And where do you think the dancers from The Royal Ballet began their training?

[Cushellekoala]

My dds dance school (ages from 4 -18ish) does a show every 2 years. All the children are given the option of being in it, its not compulsory. There were a lot of rehearsals but none during school hours. The youngest ones are usually in scene 1 and there is an option of collecting early. Its a lot of commitment but a good experience.

[princesspeppax]

I would say pretty normal, my DD has been in a 30 min a week dance class since she was 2 y/o, and since 3 y/o they have had an annual show held in a big venue tickets priced at £15 and outfits are £15/£20 per costume change/ dance. A bit OTT and expensive at that age IMHO but they did say it was parents decisions to wether kids opted into the show or not

[Mrskeats]

Special exemption! Beyond ridiculous. It's not the Olympics.

[Emergencyblueberries]

Wow, Selma sorry this thread has clearly touched a raw nerve! Are you a dance teacher by any chance?

Dance is a performing art and it's not unreasonable that the children get an opportunity to showcase their talent and achievements in a show.

As I said in my OP, perfectly reasonable for the older children who actually have "talent and achievements" to "showcase". DD's little group are 4 and 5, they have just about mastered twirling and skipping.

You'll be doing all the parent helpers/chaperones (who usually give up about 20 hours of their own time) a huge favour as you won't be at the stage door moaning

You think you can tell so much about me from one post on mn? That's a bit presumptuous. Either DD won't be doing the show or if I do decide to involve her then I'll suck it up and keep my opinions to myself because I've chosen to involve her.
As for the parent helpers giving up 20 hours, of course that's lovely of them to give up their time but I for one resent being told (not asked, told) that I will be giving up my time to volunteer by people who know absolutely nothing about me, my life or my circumstances.

And where do you think the dancers from The Royal Ballet began their training?

Again, they're 4 and 5 year olds! Why does everything have to be so intense, competitive and on such a grand scale? Why can't children just be children?

[KneelJustKneel]

Much better ways for little ones to showcase their talent to their parents, than having to wait around all day for 2 mins of dance with people they're not sure of in an unfamiliar venue. Lots of pressure and really not worth it for the small children apart from mums who want to boast about the kids.

Completely different once theyre 7/8

[ShinyRuby]

It sounds pretty normal. This could be your early warning to get out!! I had 2 dds at dance school & used to dread the show. Mine were a bit older than your dd but the bill for costumes, tickets etc was pretty big. Plus the stress of getting across town for rehearsals at rush hour times & organising transport etc for elderly relatives to come & watch! I could've chosen for them not to take part but the whole dance school was focused on The Show for at least 6 months before & they would've wanted to be part of it. . I used to tell them they could do 3 dances each even if the teacher had put them down for many more & it was still expensive; I was the only parent who tried to keep costs down & it was made clear that wasn't normal. The one upmanship from other mums for extra practices, routines & costumes was ridiculous. Looking back it honestly wasn't worth it.