AIBU or is this OTT? 5yo's Ballet show

[Emergencyblueberries]

DD is 5yo and does a weekly 30 minute ballet class. All the children in her group are 4 or 5. It mostly seems to involve skipping and running around in a circle waving a fairy wand but they all seem to enjoy it. At last weeks lesson their teacher told them they were going to do a show and that all their mummies and daddies would be able to watch. No further details given but we were told we'd get an email. The children were all very excited.

Yesterday we received a very lengthy email informing us that the dance school are putting on a show this summer at a local theatre, there will be a matinee and an evening performance on the same day. It was emphasised that all children must perform in both shows. It's on a Sunday, in term time, each performance is 2.5 hours long but they have to be at the theatre in costume and make up an hour before it starts. The evening performance doesn't finish until 9pm! DD is usually fast asleep by 7pm.

It went on to say there will be a dress rehearsal on the Friday before the show for which the children are expected to miss half a day of school and a parent must be present to chaperone them. No acknowledgement that some parents have jobs and might therefore be unable pick their DC up from school at midday, drive them to the theatre and hang around for hours on a working day. The Sunday before that there is a 4.5 hour rehearsal which finishes at 6.30pm.

It also said "each one of you is expected to volunteer to help backstage for at least one of the performances". In those words. No "please" or "we would appreciate it if you could.."

Tickets to watch the show are £16 each (is that normal for a kids dance show??) and apparently we will be recieving a bill for our child's costume/costumes in due course.

AIBU in thinking that it's completely OTT to expect this level of committment from a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds?? I realise that most of the other dancers will be older, have probably been dancing for years and are taking proper ballet exams etc. so of course for them it's different. But WIBU to tell the dance teacher I don't want DD to be in the show as I feel it's too much pressure and she'll be too tired? I don't want her to feel like she's missing out but she's usually shattered by the end of a normal week at school as it is.

[cloudymelonade]

If it's a serious dance school, this is pretty standard. I did them all through childhood, including week-long runs of shows approx age 5.

It really is completely batshit but yeah, normal.

[Witchend]

Normal other than the dress rehearsal.

However I would query the chaperone arrangements. If they are missing school then they need a letter from the school to say that they authorise it to get the licence. This is for performance and dress rehearsal, so it sounds to me that they're not abiding by regulations.

5-8yos can only be in the theatre (I think) 8 hours, and under 5s less, 5 hours I think. So the 4yo will definitely be performing illegally.

[KneelJustKneel]

Barbarian. Absolutely not just 2 choices

1. Find a school thay is less expensive show focussed. They exist! Or those that go all out every 2 years for example.

1. Stick with it if they love it, but just refuse to do the show for a couple of years and let them do it all the other years when theyre older!

[Witchend]

Oh and rereading the OP they can't just have parents back stage they need to be licenced chaperones. Contact the local council's children in entertainment and they'll talk you through it.
This is a legal requirement.

[minisoksmakehardwork]

Yanbu buy from what I've been told it all sounds fairly standard, except missing school time.

When my dc had a gymnastics show rehearsal I picked them up half an hour before the end of school to ensure they were there on time but didn't miss their registration mark. I suspect most schools would frown on missing education for a recreational hobby. If it was to compete at a high level they would likely be supportive and mark as approved.

There are usually smaller dance schools around so as this is an activity which will otherwise do wonders for your child's confidence etc, personally I'd be looking elsewhere.

Due to a clash with our gymnastics club over various issues, I pulled my dc and they then enrolled in a completely different sporting activity. However, there is a much more 'family' feel to the new club and the children are thriving there. They are happy and have scope for improvement. With gymnastics they were stagnating as due to age/ability, they were never going to be able to progress to higher levels.

[Ionacat]

Some of it is a bit OTT for the younger ones. Our dance school puts on a show every two years at a proper theatre and as it isn’t cheap to put on, we do have to pay show fee and then £10 per costume, plus make up and inevitably new tights etc. However the juniors do one show only the matinee and the youngest ones turn up later in order to rehearse their dance, short break and then the show starts and it is finished by 4.30. We’ve had the details since January for July.

[pepperpot99]

Yep totally normal in the dance world. Just wait until your dd embarks on the competition circuit.....costumes/ entry fees/ rehearsals/chaperoning/£££££££ and driving up and down motorways all day every weekend every half term and holiday. Oh, and as a parent you pay to watch your own kid in a competition as well.

[coragreta]

My 3yo is doing her first show soon. We paid £10 for costume hire and that's it. (Although we do need to buy her new ballet shoes). She is only in one of the two shows and then is collected at the interval.
We've been told we can't chaperone because our child is only in one show and all the chaperones have to have their chaperone licence which the dance school help organise if you don't have one already.
I'm looking forward to it.

[Gatehouse77]

At that age mine were only expected to do 1 of the shows - the little ones were spread out among the performances and were only in the first half so they could go home earlier for the evening performances. No one was ever expected to miss school - that's outrageous!

Personally, I would say that my child was unavailable for all the rehearsals and performances and, as such, won't be participating beyond the paid for lessons. If the teacher doesn't like it, find an alternative.

[vintanner]

Just say NO, this is way too much.
Speak to the other parents and see what they think.

[PleaseEmployMe]

That sounds ridiculous. DD's dance school puts on a show every two years at the local theatre.

We take them at 930, with a packed lunch. One or two parents (3 or 4 for the younger) from each class stay with the class. Dress rehearsal before lunch, show at 1430. Costumes are very simple and made by the dance teachers, we might be asked to provide e.g. black leggings or shorts but nothing more expensive or complicated. Hair is done by the teacher.

[Serin]

Yep that sounds about right.
Ballet is like belonging to a "get poor" quick scheme.
Wait until you get the instructions for taking her hair up into a bun

[Mrskeats]

Some people on here need to look up normal in a dictionary.
It's not normal to take half a day off school-I am a teacher and have never heard of that.
Totally ridiculous at that age.

[Frazzledmum123]

My daughter just did one (shes 5) and at first I thought it was all ridiculously ott but she absolutely loved it and it has done an amazing amount for her confidence, it was lovely to see how proud of herself she was.
BUT it was £10 a ticket, £7 for costume and no entrance fee. Younger ones did one of the 4 shows (sat or Sunday, matinee or evening) and rehearsals were all in classes apart from the dress rehearsal the morning of their show for 1/2 hour. You were also able to take them home in the interval if they were in the first act. If she really wants yo do it I'd contact them and say her school wont allow her to leave and you will accompany her to the rehearsal so you can take her home after her bit.

[Hoppinggreen]

See if there is a Baby Ballet franchise in your area.
I know the lady who started the company and her Mum was a well known teacher of a local dance school so having grown up in that slightly over the top environment with shows, exams etc she set up the company for the kids to just have fun. They do occasionally do shows but it’s very unpressured
Obviously it varies from franchise to franchise (head office was near us so we went to the actual ballet school there) but if there IS one near you it might be a welcome change from the usual “have to wear your hair like this, buy loads of costumes etc etc” that a lot of dance schools do

[woollyheart]

Are people really saying that it is normal to expect children to miss school for a dance rehearsal?

I thought that schools were very strict on attendance these days.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

If this a dance school that is more ballet based then perfectly normal (apart from the time off school)

Dd at 4 was in a MT and drama group that ran on a Saturday morning for 3 hours and was only £60 for the term.

There end of year show that was run on a shoe string was excellent.

All the parents chipped in their skills to make the costumes and everything was done with one eye on budget.

There was a dress rehearsal on the Fridays before the show which was performed in a school hall that had a stage in the hall and 2 performances per day on Saturday and Sunday which were packed out.

OTOH Dd did attend a ballet emphasised dance school for 1 year. The end of year show resembled the scenario you are describing op.

Definitely not a friendly environment

[IceRebel]

Whilst I can see the appeal for older dancers, I can't see how this could be fun or enjoyable for such young children. All that waiting around, late nights, missing school just to sit backstage and wait for their few minutes on the stage.

[Farmerswifey12]

Perfectly normal for dancing. We've done this for many years.

The only part which is not normal in my opinion is missing the time off school, I wouldn't be happy about one of mine missing school for a rehearsal

[Farmerswifey12]

Do the younger children have to stay till the end? In my experience they are usually only in the first half and can leave after that

[Friendabc]

Yep from experience totally normal.

[MIdgebabe]

ROUND Here schools refused time off for dance exams for children who later joined the Royal Ballet.

[megletthesecond]

Sounds normal for dance schools. I've heard similar from friends.
This is why DD never did dance classes.

[PaquitaVariation]

Completely normal arrangements for a dance school show. It’s an invitation, if you don’t want to do it then don’t, but please don’t say you’ll do it without committing to do the whole thing as asked. Schools around here generally will allow time for rehearsals etc. I’ve never had anything not authorised relating to dance and neither have any of the other pupils in our dance schools.

[BarbarianMum]

Maybe Kneel but I can't think of anything sadder than spending months practising for a show then standing by watching all the others get their costumes/get excited by it and then not be allowed to take part.