AIBU or is this OTT? 5yo's Ballet show

[Emergencyblueberries]

DD is 5yo and does a weekly 30 minute ballet class. All the children in her group are 4 or 5. It mostly seems to involve skipping and running around in a circle waving a fairy wand but they all seem to enjoy it. At last weeks lesson their teacher told them they were going to do a show and that all their mummies and daddies would be able to watch. No further details given but we were told we'd get an email. The children were all very excited.

Yesterday we received a very lengthy email informing us that the dance school are putting on a show this summer at a local theatre, there will be a matinee and an evening performance on the same day. It was emphasised that all children must perform in both shows. It's on a Sunday, in term time, each performance is 2.5 hours long but they have to be at the theatre in costume and make up an hour before it starts. The evening performance doesn't finish until 9pm! DD is usually fast asleep by 7pm.

It went on to say there will be a dress rehearsal on the Friday before the show for which the children are expected to miss half a day of school and a parent must be present to chaperone them. No acknowledgement that some parents have jobs and might therefore be unable pick their DC up from school at midday, drive them to the theatre and hang around for hours on a working day. The Sunday before that there is a 4.5 hour rehearsal which finishes at 6.30pm.

It also said "each one of you is expected to volunteer to help backstage for at least one of the performances". In those words. No "please" or "we would appreciate it if you could.."

Tickets to watch the show are £16 each (is that normal for a kids dance show??) and apparently we will be recieving a bill for our child's costume/costumes in due course.

AIBU in thinking that it's completely OTT to expect this level of committment from a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds?? I realise that most of the other dancers will be older, have probably been dancing for years and are taking proper ballet exams etc. so of course for them it's different. But WIBU to tell the dance teacher I don't want DD to be in the show as I feel it's too much pressure and she'll be too tired? I don't want her to feel like she's missing out but she's usually shattered by the end of a normal week at school as it is.

This is perfectly normal for dance schools. The school my daughter attends does annual shows, and they also dance annually in the local pantomime which takes place in January. All of these require a massive commitment. Rehearsals, chaperoning, hair, makeup, early/late finishes. We did the pantomime one year and my daughters were exhausted. Not to mention the bad weather which meant it took longer for us to get home, finally getting settled after 10pm. The show also costs a fortune in terms of costumes, tickets, time off work etc. We never did that again either. Just say no.

I think normal for dance schools but if you get a place that does drama and singing as well it is a lot more rounded and the groups Dd and ds have been involved with have been a lot more relaxed with an eye being kept on budget despite being in an affluent area they know some people cannot afford huge amounts so doing costumes that involve clothes people already have at home.

I know of one place that only has ever done lessons, no shows and that was the best place Dc attended

My daughter goes to a professional stage school including ballet - it has an agency attached to the school and my daughter has earned £150 for half a days work. Shows days are long....but the children that age are only included in the matinee to avoid issues and the school would never never ask any child to leave school for a rehearsal.
Older girls from about 8 will do a full 12-13hr day on show day though. Tickets are at a proper theatre and cost about £15.

Pretty normal apart from the Friday & chaperoning bit, they need properly checked chaperones & usually it’s better not to have parent with their own child! Usually you’d have more notice too. And yes, often little ones have their numbers in the first half so the second half they can often go & watch the show with parents/have a longer break.

It might seem like a massive hassle & money making thing, but believe me, it’s really not, I’ve taught for a couple of good dance schools, and though it’s expensive, it’s rare to make much if any profit by the time you pay for everything to do a show well. I know the one I’ve taught for most really do what they can to do a proper show without costing an absolute fortune & minimises hassle for everyone. They might only be tinies skipping around but especially as they get older, shows teach children so much & not just dance skills. But you don’t have to do it, just let the teacher know in good time before choreography, costumes etc are settled. But sounds like you’re part of a generally good dance school (in terms of show approach anyway)

I know someone whose children dance and this does sound familiar to story's she tells. Personally I couldn't do it which is one of the reasons I didn't push my daughter when she gave up dancing at 8 weeks when she was 4.

If she had loved it I would have supported as much as I can but the taking her out of school would have been a resolute no. I would have thought very hard about letting her stay up till gone 9 on a school night too.

Another one saying it's normal for serious dance schools. Seems bonkers to me - and I was absolutely astonished when I found out how long very young kids were supposed to be available. But nobody else batted an eyelid.

I've got family members who are seriously involved with dancing and it really does dominate their lives - everything else, including family time and holidays, is planned around it.

Have a think about whether this kind of dance school is right for you. If you aren't happy about the school's expectations then it might be wise to have a look at a new dance school which doesn't get so involved.

It's typical of dance schools and utterly ridiculous. But as long as parents are daft enough to put up with it, it will continue.

Fuck. That.

That's an insane expectation for children that young. And I can't imagine the school will be happy about the afternoon off either.

This is pretty normal for dance schools.

My five year old isn’t doing the show. They altered the class so that those who wanted to do the show did one time and the others did a different time

It is OTT.

Dance teachers are obsessed with dance, which is understandable given their job. As a result, dance teachers expect everybody else to be obsessed with dance and to arrange their lives around dance.

If you don't want to arrange your life around dance, then just say no to it. Don't be peer-pressured into a weird obsession. At worst, you can find another more sensible dance school or enrol your daughter in a different sport club.

It is to a degree fairly normal but they can't expect to take kids out of school in this day and age. Some dance schools are more full on than others but generally speaking this is the world of dance/performing arts.

Completely understand how it all seems too much at their age but they have to learn how the performance element of dancing works sometime and schools can be just as guilty of this kind of intensity. When my DS was in reception year the two week run up to Christmas was absolutely ridiculous including the Christmas nativity/show. Afterwards when I wrote to the head to explain my thoughts I was told that's fine, next year he just won't take part!

Fast forward to being a teenager and DS still very heavily involved in productions. Intensive rehearsals, late nights and all but she absolutely loves it and whilst I have been concerned over the years about lack of sleep etc she remembers all the details of every show and is making a lifetime of very happy memories.

It's ridiculous.

I'd say she won't be participating, and if they're vile about it, find her another dance class. There's no need for that at such young ages for most children.

We had this together with a demand for money for several expensive costumes and make up.

When I said my DD (aged 4) wasn't doing it I was told it was compulsory, so I withdrew her from lessons. I got a lengthy letter about how I'd let everyone including my daughter down. Dance schools are batshit crazy.

Sounds standard to me. Our last show was the same price, but there was also a Friday evening performance along with a Saturday matinee and Saturday evening. They only had an hour between shows to eat their tea (no food backstage) DD 9 loved it, she always does. School are usually pretty good at authorising for stuff like this too.

That sounds like the dance show that DD's dance school put on. However, it's the Senior show - the Junior one was in the local church hall and far less "professional"! That's utterly mad for 5year olds.

The dance class craze for that age group is a machine created to extract maximum ££££ from parents.

You are absolutely not BU.

Even for the senior show they never had to miss school though.

This is normal, but:

• I would point out that is too late for little ones
• I don’t think it is reasonable to ask them to miss school
• it seems odd that they want every child supervised, ours does it on the usual ratios and asks for volunteers to be chaperones.

Also expect to be asked to provide makeup eg bright red lipstick in due course - they say you can’t see children’s features in the theatre lights otherwise.

I’m assuming you may drop out of this, which would be understandable. But despite my initial reservations about the whole thing, it is a great experience and the final result will likely be fabulous - it’s not like a school production, to be frank.

Whilst this is normal for some dance schools, it is not universal. Some very nice, sane people do teach dance. It isn't always a case of giving up ballet or living with this level of insanity. But it does depend on where you are living and how lucky you are in terms of what/who is near you.

Chaperones at DD's shows have to be licensed by the council.

Yep totally normal in the dance world. Just wait until your dd embarks on the competition circuit.....

She won't be. I have no interest in being a stage mum, I don't want her to experience that kind of pressure at such a young age. The only reason we signed up for this ballet class was because we thought it would be fun. They basically just skip around in tutus waving wands for half an hour in a village hall every week, so I never anticipated they would be expected to be involved in a professional production. If I'd had any idea this kind of thing was considered "normal" or "standard" then I would have steered clear. I know that once they're in Year 1 at DD's school there is an after-school ballet club they can do so I may steer her towards that instead when the time comes as hopefully it'll be less batshit!

Re time off school, I was really surprised by this but apparently they have got some kind of special exemption from the council so all the local schools have to authorise it

Totally normal. My Dd's show last year cost us over £150 in petrol, tickets and new costume. That was for one dance. It's ridiculous.

Yes - fairly normal for ballet schools. There are new(ish) laws which have come in for performances involving children which have time limits based on age for the length of time that a child can be in the theatre per day. I believe these are quite strict and you might have to take your child out between the performances to comply with them. There are also strict chaperoning rules.

As much as I love my kids (now grown and left home,) this is one thing I do NOT miss about having young/school age kids. The dreaded 'hobby groups.'

Some may say it's part of what you sign up for when having kids, but as much as I enjoyed going swimming with them, playing table-tennis and badminton, and taking them to the park, and to the zoo, and to the beach, and going on little shopping trips with them, etc etc etc, I did NOT enjoy their 'hobby groups' and 'extra curricular activities.'

They had karate, footie, drama and dance club, singing lessons, golf lessons, netball, and several other hobby groups, and I either had to take them and hang around while they were there, (anything from one and a half to three hours,) OR I had to drop them off and pick them up later, and could not do anything else with the day as I was waiting around for them. Sometimes DH was with me, or he did it, but as he worked more hours than me/had a long commute, it was me 70% of the time.

@Emergencyblueberries

You have my sympathy OP, and I am sorry, but it's not going to get any better. This is only the beginning. When I was a kid, I made my own entertainment and went out to play with friends, and yeah, my folks were good parents and took me to the beach a couple of times a year, showed me a great Christmas, (and birthday,) and we went to the zoo and park now and again. But there was none of this bullshit of parents being expected to put everything in their life on hold, and cow-tow to every little hobby and interest their child had, and be there all the time to 'help out' in the group, and escort them everywhere. What utter bollocks.

And these days, parents are busier, more stressed, and work longer hours, and more mums work too!)

Don;t know what to suggest without upsetting your daughter, but YANBU.

Also, I swear it's a money making exercise sometimes; charging for the kids to run round in circles with a fairy wand for an hour, then £16 each for the tickets?! It's like this 'your child has had a short story published in an anthology of short stories' crap from school, with an 'offer' for you to buy 3 of the anthologies for the price of 2. Only £40 for the 2 instead of £60! Then you discover every kid in the class has a short story in it.

Parents are made mugs of these days, I swear....

And yeah it may be 'perfectly normal' for some dance schools, but that doesn't mean parents (mothers!) have to accept it. Some mothers do actually have busy lives, and an actual job, and don't have the time or patience for these kinds of demands!

I also find it beyond bizarre that the dance school is demanding the children miss school for the show! WTAF? Who do they think they are? Seriously..........?