DH referred to me as "my cleaner"

[namechange1796]

So DH works from home on Fridays...using the kitchen as his office. He has lots of conference calls and it means is can be difficult when the kids are around/jobs need to be done. I needed to be at the Church for the Primary dc service and needed to get downstairs vacuumed before I went. Therefore, I asked DH to move so I could get the vacuuming done ...as a “joke” he said to the colleague “just hang on a minute, my cleaner has asked me to move” Then he followed it up with “the cleaner is actually my wife” “now I’m in the bad books” “if looks could kill I’d be dead now”

So as not to drip feed - I’ve had a hard time recently - 2 mc in 6 months - one a mmc and one earlier one just this week. I’m the wrong side of 40. I’ve been a SAHP all my life and am finding adjusting to this part of my life very hard.

Dh is all “sorry!” “It was just a joke” “you’d have found it funny before” etc I’m just fed up with everything and feel my life has been reduced to tidying and cleaning. 2 of my dc have ASD And DH’s job also makes retraining for me near impossible.

Am I just being over sensitive? It would be the first time in my life I’ve been told I am!

OP, you mentioned a midlife "crisis". This is a time of self-reinvention, and it doesn't have to be unpleasant. You can take a playful approach as you rediscover your own interests and enjoyments. Daydream a little - what puts a smile on your face?

My mother was a SAHM for two decades, and then in her forties she started a successful career in complementary therapies. Not my kind of thing at all, but she has so many people who swear that she helps them, and she finds it hugely satisfying.

As the maternal role is huge for you, maybe you could start looking into fostering in a few years - you can't do it now with a 2-year old, but I believe there are some self-study modules you can do to prepare for further down the road.

And there's frivolous stuff too - if you loved embroidery earlier in life, why not pick up a needle again? Join a book club or do couch to 5k or something, just for you.