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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Can't forgive husband

547 replies

shoeshoebadoo · 05/04/2019 11:23

My DH booked a big holiday for this year for me and our 2 DC. Then my mum also booked to go to the same place along with my sister and brother - without telling me first. My mum's logic was that she would be able to help us out with childcare and at the same time we could get the big family holiday she's always dreamed of since my Dad passed away in a horrific incident many years ago. Not the greatest logic but her heart was in the right place.

My DH kicked off big time and changed the dates of our holiday even though it was unlikely, due to the nature of the type of holiday it was, that we would spend loads of time together anyway. He paid for it as I'm not earning much at the moment so he saw it as his right to change the dates. My mum was gutted and crying that she'd caused this issue.

I was really upset with him that he couldn't just go with the flow and let us have this holiday together. I understand his point of view but my family aren't monsters and we all get on well. My mum literally does everything for us, she babysits at the drop of a hat, dotes on our children, is always there for me and needs as much family support as she can get as she's still grieving.

I now feel that if anything was to happen to my mum in the coming years and I missed out on this last big family holiday together I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him. AIBU???

OP posts:
DoItAfraid · 11/02/2021 12:52

omg that's 5 mins of my life i won't get back.

MyLittleOrangutan · 11/02/2021 13:11

😂😂 wow this thread has lived a chaotic life! Wonder if they got to go on holiday after all that.

SparkysMagicPiano · 11/02/2021 13:36

@DoItAfraid

This thread is nearly 2 years old.

Did you not once wonder where/how they were all going on this big holiday in 2021 with several households mixing?

SparkysMagicPiano · 11/02/2021 13:37

Oooops - and I see you have already noticed.

I shall go and sit on the naughty step Blush

Staffy1 · 11/02/2021 14:37

Can't help feeling sorry for your mum. You've said from the nature of the holiday you wouldn't all be together all the time anyway. I can understand her feeling hurt, and understand you being upset by that.

Staffy1 · 11/02/2021 14:42

Ugh, it's years old. Why do people find these old threads and add to them out the blue, so that they reappear in "trending"?

littlepattilou · 11/02/2021 14:57

@Staffy1 It's so annoying isn't it?!

I think a thread should be locked, say, 6 months after the last post on it. So all the info and help remains, but no-one can resurrect it after 2 bloody years! (And the poster has long gone from the forum, and the situation has completely changed!)

Staffy1 · 11/02/2021 15:10

@littlepattilou, good suggestion, 6 months would be long enough before a thread was locked.

littlepattilou · 11/02/2021 15:29

I think so @Staffy1 Smile

Pebbledashery · 11/02/2021 15:46

Was about to get emotionally invested in this thread then saw how old is was 😂

cheeseismydownfall · 11/02/2021 16:33

This is a hard one because I really can see both sides. Your mum was mad to book without telling you, but your DH has behaved very badly to unilaterally decide to rebook the dates, and it sends a really unpleasant message to your mum.

Given that there is no changing what has happened, I would be looking to arrange a long weekend away with everyone together instead. Assuming that your mum, siblings etc are nice, normal people, it is absolutely reasonable to expect your DH to graciously engage with a few days away with them. If he refuses even that, then I think you have a DH problem.

Aprilx · 11/02/2021 16:35

@cheeseismydownfall

It’s a zombie thread. The clue is in anyone booking a big holiday this year. 😀

DoItAfraid · 11/02/2021 16:48

[quote SparkysMagicPiano]@DoItAfraid

This thread is nearly 2 years old.

Did you not once wonder where/how they were all going on this big holiday in 2021 with several households mixing?[/quote]
Is there really any need for this snippiness?

Crockof · 11/02/2021 17:01

Oh but it was so lovely to be immersed in a big holiday family corona free thread.

PCBristol · 11/02/2021 17:01

I had a similar issue. I wanted a family holiday after a tough time. We were going for 2 weeks and by chance the mother in law booked a week at the same time in the same place! I later found out that my now ex-wife had worked it out with the mother in law.....I was livid as I saw this as a chance to work through some issues. I also wanted to spend time with my family without the in laws (they were there all the time). It maybe that your partner might see the "help" you get from the In-laws in a different light to you and wants a real break from that. I used to get very annoyed when I would get home from work and the In-laws were bathing the kids and cooking their meals, something I would always like to do. There is a fine line between always being there for you and always being there....

SparkysMagicPiano · 11/02/2021 17:12

Is there really any need for this snippiness?

Possibly not, but is there any need to resurrect zombie threads?

Yours was the first post to resurrect the thread and now there are lots of posters spending time reading and commenting on something that is no longer an issue.

Sarahandco · 11/02/2021 17:18

I bet they wished they had all just gone on the bloody holiday now

threecee · 11/02/2021 17:35

The father passed away many years ago according to the post, why suddenly bring that up as a reason to tag along on daughter and son in laws holiday ?

lynxca16 · 11/02/2021 17:55

Not only did your mother invite/crash into your holiday but felt free to invite other family.
I would be pretty cross about that to say the least.

SparkysMagicPiano · 12/02/2021 09:37

She's probably not that cross almost 2 years later

DoItAfraid · 12/02/2021 20:47

@SparkysMagicPiano

Is there really any need for this snippiness?

Possibly not, but is there any need to resurrect zombie threads?

Yours was the first post to resurrect the thread and now there are lots of posters spending time reading and commenting on something that is no longer an issue.

And as soon as I realised my mistake I acknowledged it.

Do you know what a mistake is? Do you think I deliberately sought out this thread to "resurrect" it.

I made a genuine mistake.

You are on the other hand are just rude.

SparkysMagicPiano · 13/02/2021 09:11

@doitafraid

Perhaps you should have read my second comment.
I did realise that you had noticed it was a zombie.
Yes, we all make mistakes.

Do you think I deliberately sought out this thread to "resurrect" it.

I don't know, that's why I asked.

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