AIBU: Can't forgive husband

[shoeshoebadoo]

My DH booked a big holiday for this year for me and our 2 DC. Then my mum also booked to go to the same place along with my sister and brother - without telling me first. My mum's logic was that she would be able to help us out with childcare and at the same time we could get the big family holiday she's always dreamed of since my Dad passed away in a horrific incident many years ago. Not the greatest logic but her heart was in the right place.

My DH kicked off big time and changed the dates of our holiday even though it was unlikely, due to the nature of the type of holiday it was, that we would spend loads of time together anyway. He paid for it as I'm not earning much at the moment so he saw it as his right to change the dates. My mum was gutted and crying that she'd caused this issue.

I was really upset with him that he couldn't just go with the flow and let us have this holiday together. I understand his point of view but my family aren't monsters and we all get on well. My mum literally does everything for us, she babysits at the drop of a hat, dotes on our children, is always there for me and needs as much family support as she can get as she's still grieving.

I now feel that if anything was to happen to my mum in the coming years and I missed out on this last big family holiday together I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him. AIBU???

Just RTFT

I can see both sides too... I’d be livid if I were your husband but I also feel for you and your mum. Sorry, not much help! Although I will say that your husband sounds very unpleasant if you wanted to go ahead with the family holiday - sounds like he doesn’t respect your decisions either and he should have taken into account your thoughts.

Is it wrong to peg washing out tonight as I know it'll be sunny tomorrow? I leave for work at 6am...really don't want to get up earlier...my mum would have gone mad and told me it was 'common' to leave washing out overnight...thoughts...

My thoughts Ginfanatic is you’re on the wrong thread.

I think you mum definitely crossed a boundary booking the same holiday as you, i can't imagine either of our parents dreaming of doing that without asking..but I think your husband handled it badly even though he had the right to be very annoyed and cancel he does sound a bit mean about your mum to. I mean she babysits alot for you and he doesn't mind that but won't ever consider a family holiday with her ever? Also I think it's crazy he books holidays without consulting you because he earns the money. My husband when he was just earning the money it was still our money and big purchases where done together. I think he sounds a bit controlling sorry. But I can totally understand he was annoyed at you mum because she was in the wrong on this occasion definitely. I hope he can forgive her as it's your mum and he should still respect her as your mum.

Was it really worth resurrecting a zombie thread for that load of pious bullshit?

No, sorry I think your husband is completely unreasonable! Your mum did not book out of malice. If anything she has offered to help you out with childcare so you and your husband can spend some time together. Sister and bother are also going so as you’ve said, it’s not a holiday where you would get under each other’s feet and mum could take turns and not spend everyday with you’s.
Your husband has not thought about anybody but himself. He has not asked you if that’s what you want. The fact that he has gone and upset your grieving mother when she was trying to get the family together would be unforgivable.
To all the people saying they would be furious of their in laws going on holiday with them. That’s a strange family dynamic to me. Especially with grandchildren involved. For me it would be the more the merrier!

Firstly, wasn't this EXACT post put up about a year ago? Right down to the hand wringing and drip feeding??
Secondly, YABU, you knew what would happen after talking to DM, accept your hand in it and apologise to your dh

@redwinefine

YABU for replying to a thread that finished 5 months ago

Correction, a thread that finished a year ago and then someone else randomly bumped it 6 months ago

Is this an update OP? I remember this being posted several months ago.

Can see his point of view. Tricky with families.
You lucky you dont have my setup. We cant mention hols or she sulks. She difficult. My line is a last minute deal! I would not bring her away. Then the cold treatment!!

Yes @redfinewine you are right, this exact post was written a year ago and is a zombie thread which you have resurrected just to have a go at the op

Why does this post keep getting randomly bumped?

Im checking the dates on all the threads i read from now on.I spent ages reading this and its an old thread.

Should delete if thread is old!

Your husband is most likely railing against the presumption underlying your mum's actions which can be infuriating - parents often act on assumption without discussing things first. I don't think it is asking too much to be consulted beforehand. But is all this resultant distress really necessary? Why don't you arrange a long w/e away or something similar with the family, dates and location that ALL PARTIES are agreed on and go away and enjoy your holiday with your husband.

Now that this old thread has been resurrected, OP how did the eventual holiday go?

I see both sides here.

Your DP has a right to react from this. No one has the right to interrupt a family holiday, I know your mums heart was in the right place but she’s pretty much gatecrashed the holiday!

But I think your DP was wrong to just change the dates like that, he could have reacted in a better way.

I think you need to settle this and explain you your mum that although he acted very defensively, she needs to leave your holiday be between just you, your DP and your children.

tuts

I’m a sucker for these zombie threads

@Euclid it was resurrected well over a month ago and then went quiet again. Why are you dragging it up again now?

@shoeshoebadoo

She doesn't do stuff to make me feel guilty - I just automatically feel guilty anyway because she's on her own so I try to involve her in family things. I guess I find it easier to be angrier with DH than my DM...

I think this is what you need to address because you are understandably feeling very sorry and sad for your mum but you cannot support her at the expense of your own primary family unit.

Yes you might all get on well but you dont seem to see your DH's perspective at all. If you guys are seeing each other all the time with the babysitting etc can't you empathise with the that he may have been desperately looking forward to some time alone with his immediate family unit?

You may well very well get along but there is no doubt that having in-laws in the mix changes the dynamics.

Your mum was very presumptuous not to discuss first and I can see why your DH has reacted the way he has. Maybe not an ideal reaction but I imagine he feels sidelined and disrespected by both you (his wife - who seems to care more about her mum bro and sis than him) and also by your mum who doesn't think he deserves to be informed or consulted.

ZOMBIE!

ZOMBIE THREAD!