Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to ceremony and evening reception but not wedding breakfast

523 replies

jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:29

More than happy to be told I am BU.

DH and I are invited to a wedding on the weekend and upon first reading the invite, thought that we were invited to the whole day but we have just had it confirmed that although we are invited to the ceremony, we aren't invited to the wedding breakfast. So essentially we will be in a town we don't know in our glad rags with bugger all to do for over 5 hours. We do not live close by so going home is not an option and we have already booked for a babysitter for the whole day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 06/04/2019 21:37

I'd personally not go and just have a day out somewhere instead.
Its rude and insulting, "we like you but not that much but please bring a gift anyway!"
I don't get why people do it unless it is a cost thing in which case just do something cheaper or it's for reminding certain friends where they exactly stand with them.Hmm

TooManyPaws · 06/04/2019 21:50

I've only been invited to one wedding like this and it still rankles. It was a lovely outdoor woodland wedding and as we came up to the hotel, some went in for the meal and the B list were left kicking our heels. A friend and I had to drive to the next town for a fish supper which we then took back to my caravan (as I had the dogs who had also been invited to the outdoor ceremony!).Gods knew what the others did. Having said that, both the ceremony and the evening party were good with an excellent buffet in the evening but it was so incredibly rude. Yes, we want you for the ceremony as you are part of our religious community, unlike most of the family, but you're not important enough to entertain for the afternoon.

Being Scots, I've always known weddings that went on until the early hours after a damned good party and found the English weddings of the 1970s strange with finishing at teatime, but this was just bloody rude. Funnily enough,the bride fell out with me a couple of years later about an ethical situation....

Madmarchpear · 06/04/2019 21:55

Very scummy. They want a well attended ceremony for the photos and know the minimum is to offer a sausage roll and dance to Valerie in return.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 06/04/2019 22:13

I’m sure if they could afford to feed all guests they would

I would politely decline ceremony and attend the evening which is always the best part of the day

It isn’t rude it’s just being practical it’s their day and you can choose to accept or decline it’s not about you

And as for those who will not attend evening only and whole day or nothing I bet some have invited such self absorbed numpties to the evening only knowing they would thankfully decline Grin

MadameAnchou · 06/04/2019 22:16

No one owns a day. It's rude to tell guests to fuck off until they're wanted. Evening do's are lame.

MadameAnchou · 06/04/2019 22:20

And as for those who will not attend evening only and whole day or nothing I bet some have invited such self absorbed numpties to the evening only knowing they would thankfully decline

Most likely they do it to try to increase their gift intake.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/04/2019 22:53

So what did you do, OP?

The wedding’s this weekend?!

Coffeebean76 · 06/04/2019 23:08

I would just decline. That sort of arrangement is ridiculous.

riceuten · 06/04/2019 23:17

I had something similar a few years back. The place where the wedding was was very picturesque and thankfully there was enough to do to kill time before going to the wedding proper

manicmij · 06/04/2019 23:22

Who issues in invitations like that to folk. You could go to one or the other parts. Though really inconsiderate expecting you to spend 5 hours doing nothing. I would just go have a day/evening out without the wedding as you have organised a babysitter.

Rose87777 · 06/04/2019 23:29

I expect a lot of the people saying “what cheap skates?!” have never shelled out thousands of pounds of their own money on a wedding. It is totally acceptable to have evening guests - if it isn’t an arrangement that’s convenient for you given the travel etc involved I would 100% decline! I don’t imagine you are massively close to the bride and groom if you aren’t invited to the wedding breakfast.

Lovely13 · 06/04/2019 23:52

I would ditch the whole wedding and never see them again! As babysitter booked, go treat yourselves to a nice day out locally instead. You will make yourselves a whole lot happier.

Tweety1981 · 06/04/2019 23:58

An excuse to be dressed up and 5 hours with your OH ? Forget the wedding go find yourself something lovely to do and then go back when they are ready !

I went to a wedding where we were invited to the ceremony but upon arriving we weren’t allowed in to watch only a select few and we were all waiting outside to greet the new couple ... was a while being stood in high heels lol , but it was still a lovely day x

SchoolOfLife2 · 07/04/2019 00:04

That’s quite rude lol ! Come to cheer for us but don’t eat our food ! Lol

Ginismyfavouritefoodgroup · 07/04/2019 00:21

Fraula Madame it was pretty horrific. Made more so as we had to walk back down the line to get out!
We’d already handed over the gift but it never got acknowledged, nor did the whole event.

Fallingrain · 07/04/2019 00:48

I don’t think it’s rude at all. Not everyone can afford to pay for a wedding breakfast to feed everyone so they invite to the evening do and then the actual marriage part. My new mantra is “assume positive intent”. It will make your own life a great deal happier.

Arkenfield3001 · 07/04/2019 01:22

Whilst uncommon in the UK these types of invites are normal on the continent.
I wouldn’t miss the ceremony for the world and would just amuse myself with my husband in the hotel room until it’s time to
go to the evening do ! Whilst it may be an unfamiliar style of invite for you, it’s not an unreasonable type of invite ...

dreichuplands · 07/04/2019 02:05

This seems amazingly rude on their part OP. I would ditch the whole thing and spend a day with your dh.

steff13 · 07/04/2019 02:29

the breakfast is the meal part of the reception. You know - speeches, food etc. The expensive part. After the wedding ceremony.

So, if the wedding breakfast (is it in the morning?) is the meal, what happens at the reception? Here, the meal is part of the reception. We don't split things up like that here; if you're invited, it's to the whole thing.

Saltystraw · 07/04/2019 04:35

I’ve never heard of this in Australia, I find it a bit tacky. If your not that close to them then why invite them to the wedding at all.

RottnestFerry · 07/04/2019 05:06

So, if the wedding breakfast (is it in the morning?) is the meal, what happens at the reception? Here, the meal is part of the reception. We don't split things up like that here; if you're invited, it's to the whole thing

The wedding breakfast is the traditional meal. They are breaking the fast that they would have been on 500 years ago.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_breakfast

I suspect the main reason people choose to invite to the evening only is because of cost. We were on quite a tight budget and didn't want to exclude anybody so deviated from the conventional wedding format by throwing all day/evening garden party with no formal meals. This proved flexible enough to easily accommodate extra guests that had turned up the ceremony to wish us well.

RottnestFerry · 07/04/2019 05:14

I’ve never heard of this in Australia, I find it a bit tacky. If your not that close to them then why invite them to the wedding at all

I almost agree with you, although I'm not going to fall out with anybody that does just invite us to the evening only.

We have been a bit more selective since attending an evening do where only cheese and (not enough) biscuits were provided. We had travelled quite a distance to get there and ended up leaving early and getting fish and chips on the way back to the hotel.

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/04/2019 06:08

I'm with those who say 'have a different type of wedding', or at least work out what you can afford .The venue can be more informal, the catering can be more informal, no need to spend hundreds of pounds on clothes or honeymoon... all the above and the marriage will be no less special.
Brides and Grooms to be , please think of your guests .
For some reason I have a morbid fascination with these wedding threads . Saying that I have been to dozens of weddings and enjoyed them all.

lolaflores · 07/04/2019 06:36

Oh this happened to me once. My now DH was BM
I was invited to church then the evening. He went tot he meal the night before, church, lunch etc.
I wasnt happy bit was in the middlenif finishing my dissertation hadn't the energy to fight. Entertained by daughter for thr 5 hours between events in the nice hotel room we booked.
The couple are no longer ger friends. My DH had a bit of an eyenopenere about them as time went along but he didn't want to let his friend down at the time.
People are arseholes. DHs friend was too wet to stand up to his wife and still is

WhatAreYouSaying · 07/04/2019 06:37

If your not that close to them then why invite them to the wedding at all.

Happens all the time to work colleagues in my area. If you're not an exceptionally close friend or actual blood relative then you would find it more weird to be invited to the whole thing. Work colleagues get invited to the evening and some ask if they can come to witness the ceremony part too.

This is a classic mumsnet reaction. It doesn't reflect what happens in real life at all. Not round here anyway (and I've been invited to a lot of weddings).