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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to ceremony and evening reception but not wedding breakfast

523 replies

jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:29

More than happy to be told I am BU.

DH and I are invited to a wedding on the weekend and upon first reading the invite, thought that we were invited to the whole day but we have just had it confirmed that although we are invited to the ceremony, we aren't invited to the wedding breakfast. So essentially we will be in a town we don't know in our glad rags with bugger all to do for over 5 hours. We do not live close by so going home is not an option and we have already booked for a babysitter for the whole day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hanab · 05/04/2019 10:32

These kind of invites baffle me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Northernparent68 · 05/04/2019 10:33

Can you set off from home so that you arrive in time for the part you re invited for ?

hopeishere · 05/04/2019 10:34

Me too. I literally have never heard of it. Also an evening invite being somehow insulting.

iwantatattoo · 05/04/2019 10:34

Depends how much you want to go - is there anyone else who you can go for a meal with during the 5 hours?

BiscuitDrama · 05/04/2019 10:35

You could just go to the evening bit I suppose. Or decline it.

MulderitsmeX · 05/04/2019 10:35

I find this sort of thing incredinly rude. Decline wedding and use the day of babysitting to do something lOvely with DH (/sleep all day!)

sirmione16 · 05/04/2019 10:35

Money saving. End of. They want you there but can't afford to feed everyone. Personally I think YANBU, it's rude to basically say "we want you to come and support us and see us get married, but we don't value you THAT much to feed you - just come to the free bits."

I used to work in a restaurant and a couple of times we had small tables come in at around 3/4 all dolled up with the same reason.

BiscuitDrama · 05/04/2019 10:35

What do you mean, northern ?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 05/04/2019 10:35

Perfectly normal. I don't know why people make a masive issue of this. It's been a thing for as long as I can rememebr, and Im ancient.

TBH, the ceremony is a courtesy, its advisory, no one expects you to go to that then have to kill 5 or 6 hours. You are only expected to turn up to the evening.

Unless you are ridiculously close to the B&G, you cannot conceivably expect them to be laying out 60 odd quid a head for a sit down meal for you at the wedding breakfast.

Northernparent68 · 05/04/2019 10:36

Sorry I misunderstood, can you leave after the ceremony ?

GottenGottenGotten · 05/04/2019 10:36

Are you being unreasonable about what?

It looks like you have just stated the facts.

Iamblossom · 05/04/2019 10:36

What Northernparent68 said. Do not see the issue. Surely the Wedding Breakfast is the least important part?

AmethystRaven · 05/04/2019 10:36

I would maybe go to the ceremony then have a lovely day just the two of you and forget the evening!

Original poster
jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:36

Northern, we would only go to the evening part but have already booked a babysitter for the whole day and too late to cancel as she'll be relying on the money.

OP posts:
pansydansy · 05/04/2019 10:36

Never heard of that happening before. People are such cheapskates. If you can't afford to feed your guests then don't get married is my opinion on that!

Northernparent68 · 05/04/2019 10:36

Or just go to the evening event ?

Merryoldgoat · 05/04/2019 10:36

That’s a ‘no’ from me.

Awrite · 05/04/2019 10:36

Bad form. Come to the cheap parts and bring us a present, preferably cash.

Just where do they get their cheek.

YANBU

Remieatscake · 05/04/2019 10:37

I'm getting married in the autumn and all our guests are invited to everything!

I personally just wouldn't go not to be spiteful or anything, just simply as it is not practical

Northernparent68 · 05/04/2019 10:38

Spend the day with your husband stand then, a child free day

blackteasplease · 05/04/2019 10:38

I would just do one or the other. Use the rest of the day to do whatever you want by yourselves!

JaneEyre07 · 05/04/2019 10:38

I'd say make a day of it. Get dressed up nice, have a lovely day out somewhere and then just go to the evening do.

It's bloody rude to ask people to watch you get married and then come back 5 hours later IMO.

MRex · 05/04/2019 10:39

I think that kind of invite is incredibly rude, so I'd decline it. People would be better having a wedding that suits their budget. If you feel it's too late to decline or would cause family issues then go for a meal in the town. Which would most likely be far nicer than the wedding breakfast anyway.

LL83 · 05/04/2019 10:39

That is rude. As babysitter is booked I would look into places for you and dh to go between ceremony/reception. If there is nowhere suitable then do something else together that day and go to evening reception only.

Original poster
jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:39

Mixed response... interesting. I suppose I've just never heard of this as a format and honestly the invite is so vague that I expect quite a few guests won't have realised they're not being fed!
Will make the most of a child free day and head to a pub in between I suppose.

OP posts: