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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to ceremony and evening reception but not wedding breakfast

523 replies

jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:29

More than happy to be told I am BU.

DH and I are invited to a wedding on the weekend and upon first reading the invite, thought that we were invited to the whole day but we have just had it confirmed that although we are invited to the ceremony, we aren't invited to the wedding breakfast. So essentially we will be in a town we don't know in our glad rags with bugger all to do for over 5 hours. We do not live close by so going home is not an option and we have already booked for a babysitter for the whole day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
movingornot · 05/04/2019 11:35

The people that send out these type of invites are the people that deserve all their "not good enough for dinner guests" to end up getting drunk and having so much fun elsewhere whilst waiting, that they actually don't bother returning to the wedding for the evening reception. And the bride and groom look like numpties with a very empty dance floor.

Go and enjoy the day elsewhere OP! Thanks

3boysandabump · 05/04/2019 11:36

I would just find something else to do during the day and then go to the reception only.

BringMeTea · 05/04/2019 11:36

RUDE. I've had this once. We took 2 flights to another continent for the pleasure too. Again the wording on the invitation was not immediately clear. Worst wedding ever too. It has made me look at the couple involved with much less positivity. They had the money to feed everyone, just didn't want to spend it.

Don't go OP.

LynseyLou1982 · 05/04/2019 11:37

I'm getting married in October and I wouldn't dream of doing this to my guests. In my mind if you're invited to the ceremony you're invited to the wedding breakfast as well as the evening do. It's so rude to say come to the ceremony but then off you pop and amuse yourselves till the evening reception.

MidgeRidge · 05/04/2019 11:37

I'm with @PlainSpeaking - I honestly don't know why people get so worked up and offended by these requests. They want you there but can't afford to pay for everyone they'd like to share the day with. So rather than not invite you at all, they invite you to part of the day. I get that it means you're not on the A1 list, but usually you already know that (family, wider relatives, closest friends being on the A1 list). I've been to a few weddings where we've been at the ceremony and then had hours to kill before the evening do. We just make the most of it - go have a nice meal, or pack sandwiches and go for a drive if there's nice countryside around. I don't mind doing that in my gladrags. I really don't think it's a big deal. You have a babysitter, make the most of having a free day with your husband.

AdvancedAvoider · 05/04/2019 11:38

All these people saying it's normal? It's very poor etiquette and I've never heard of anyone doing this.

Sorry I'd be declining the entire thing and politely explain to the bride and groom why.

Hollowvictory · 05/04/2019 11:39

Nobody wants to pack sandwiches and go for a drive for 5 hours do they.

Mitzimaybe · 05/04/2019 11:42

Either you invite people to the whole day or just to the evening. Ceremony & evening but please piss off while we're having the reception is really rude unless you are very local and could go home in between. Even then, I'd have made it clearly an evening-only invitation and added that the ceremony would be at x place at y time in case they wanted to attend.

QueenKubauOfKish · 05/04/2019 11:42

I had this last year, I was on my own at the wedding (kids with ex) and was chatting to someone at the photos after the ceremony, then people started wandering off towards a schmancy hotel, and this person assumed I was invited to the wedding breakfast but I wasn't, so I had to embarrassingly extricate myself at the doorway and skulk off Blush

I had a nice child-free day shopping and having lunch out (in my glad rags) then reading in my hotel room before going to the evening do. But it was in a reasonable sized town - harder if it's in the middle of nowhere.

On the plus side I missed the speeches. I hate the speeches!

Shakeitoutnow · 05/04/2019 11:42

May be due to numbers/ venue capacity.
Go for a leisurely lunch then go early to evening reception to get a good seat and be first at the bar!!
Turn it into a positive.

Whoops75 · 05/04/2019 11:43

I'd skip the ceremony, have a nice child free lunch with dh, then get ready to go to evening ceremony

I would do this or my preference if ye have the money book into a nice/cheap hotel between the two for some afternoon fun.

Eliza9919 · 05/04/2019 11:43

My sister & her DH had an invite like this once. It was his cousin. Invited to the ceremony, then had to find something to do for a few hours elsewhere then back for the evening reception. And a fucking picnic the next morning Hmm In Bath when they (sis & BIL) live in London.

Personally, I wouldn't have gone but they did and she said it was a right pain in the arse.

floribunda18 · 05/04/2019 11:44

It's annoying, but I would just do want you want, have a nice chilled out day without the kids and go to the reception only.

MaMaMaMySharona · 05/04/2019 11:45

I was invited to a wedding like this once - well, my boyfriend at the time was, so I was there as his +1.

It was a complete pain in the arse, I actually felt embarrassed even though I'd never met them before. Being an evening invitation only is absolutely fine and perfectly normal, but making people hang around for hours in between the wedding and the evening is just plain rude!!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 05/04/2019 11:45

All these people saying it's normal? It's very poor etiquette and I've never heard of anyone doing this.

I'd take it up with Buckingham Palace ..... they do it every wedding

floribunda18 · 05/04/2019 11:48

I understand (just about) people being invited to the evening reception only (we had everyone there "all day" as we were getting married at 3pm and eating in the evening anyway) but to say you want all full church/other venue but then fuck off for a few hours and come back later I think is very poor etiquette.

Just have a smaller wedding.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 05/04/2019 11:49

How tedious and impractical! I wouldn't go anywhere near the ceremony or the evening do.

As you've booked a babysitter go and have a lovely day out with DH, spend the money you'll save on outfits/gift/transport on doing something nice together instead Smile

Knittedfairies · 05/04/2019 11:50

Long story short: you've been invited to the evening do and are expected to bulk up the numbers in the church/other venue to make it look like a bigger wedding? Very poor.

JassyRadlett · 05/04/2019 11:51

I'd take it up with Buckingham Palace ..... they do it every wedding

And again I come back to - if you’re equating yourself to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, then you probably need a reality check about your importance and how long everyone is willing to queue to get into your (I’m sure entirely charming) wedding.

MrsExpo · 05/04/2019 11:52

I'm assuming this is friends, not family. I'd go to the ceremony to wish them well and say hello to a few people, then take your leave and spend a few quality, child free hours with your DH doing something else for the rest of the time you've booked the sitter for. You can always take a change of clothes in the car and change in a loo somewhere.

PeanutButterBrownie · 05/04/2019 11:52

I think I would do evening only and explain why - it's a ball ache getting dressed up and fucking off for a few hours

Hollowvictory · 05/04/2019 11:53

@PlainSpeakingStraghtTalking we've already established that the royals do not do this at any wedding. You're talking rubbish. They do not invite people to the ceremony and eve only. Stop repeating this nonsense.

AdvancedAvoider · 05/04/2019 11:53

Plainspeaking don't be so silly, you seem to be deliberately trying to be annoying.

floribunda18 · 05/04/2019 11:53

Asking people to be there and do different things for the entire weekend can be a pain in the arse as well. I remember when DH, who I'd not been going out with long at the time was best man. We had to go to something Friday evening, he was there all day Saturday helping to set up and so on, we were sat on different tables so I hardly saw him for ages and I didn't know anyone, and had to put up with chancers chatting me up who thought I was single, then there was something else to go to on the Sunday morning. And driving to and fro from London - Somerset in the worst possible traffic each time. Then straight back to work - I was absolutely knackered.

When we got married we put the comfort of our guests first, especially those who had travelled a long way to get there.

nothinglikeadame · 05/04/2019 11:54

Never been to one like this where I've not been able to go home in between.

If you know a guest has travelled, I think it's incredibly rude to leave them stranded hungry for hours.

Basically, you're a seat filler , a number. I would never accept an invite like this.

Actually, as I've got older, I've looked at weddings as a shameful waste of money and try and avoid them completely.