Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to ceremony and evening reception but not wedding breakfast

523 replies

jonathanvanness · 05/04/2019 10:29

More than happy to be told I am BU.

DH and I are invited to a wedding on the weekend and upon first reading the invite, thought that we were invited to the whole day but we have just had it confirmed that although we are invited to the ceremony, we aren't invited to the wedding breakfast. So essentially we will be in a town we don't know in our glad rags with bugger all to do for over 5 hours. We do not live close by so going home is not an option and we have already booked for a babysitter for the whole day.

AIBU?

OP posts:
chickenalapesh · 05/04/2019 11:56

I once had this exact situation. So us and 3 other couples went out for a boozy late lunch. The bride was then fuming when we turned up late to the evening do trollied. Whoops!

LeSquigh · 05/04/2019 11:56

I agree, it’s really rude.

I recently received an invite for the ceremony only, not the evening. This is clearly because the bride has booked a massive church, is a bit of a show off and needs to fill it. I don’t even know her that well. I won’t be going obviously!

floribunda18 · 05/04/2019 11:56

Have to say one of the best ones I went to though was where it was in one venue, where we were staying, and there was a natural break between the wedding breakfast and the dinner/dance for everyone, so we could go and have a siesta for a couple of hours. Fantastic.

TheSerenDipitY · 05/04/2019 11:57

its how they up the gift quota

DontCallMeCharlotte · 05/04/2019 11:58

This has happened to us a couple of times. The first time was an evening invitation to an extended family member's wedding with a written note saying "it would be lovely to see you at the Church as well if you can". So we did. While the main reception was happening, we had fabulous hotel sex and spent time in the hotel pool etc. and were glowing more than the bride by the time we turned up to the evening Wink All good.

The second time, we were self-employed and had to organise paid cover, animal care etc. etc. etc. It was only when I double-checked the invitation to see what time the ceremony was, I saw that we were invited to the ceremony at 1pm and then to the reception from - in tiny writing - 7.30pm. We didn't go at all because if we hadn't double checked, we would actually have turned up to the main reception and how embarrassing would that have been?

Sitdownstandup · 05/04/2019 11:59

You're not BU.

I've no objection to evening invites personally, but expecting someone to be at the start and the finish and twiddle their thumbs in the middle is twattish. It does seem to be more common than it was, but it's not acceptable. Unless maybe it's all happening in a really small area where the guests live locally? But I wouldn't go to the ceremony, especially if it involved travelling.

BlueberryFool123 · 05/04/2019 12:00

I think it’s incredibly rude. I’m going to a wedding recently where we have made the cut and invited to the whole day, but others come to the ceremony and then have to disappear for several hours.

However you have accepted now. You have a babysitter. Find somewhere nice to have a nice lesiurely lunch (maybe somewhere with a nice bar/lounge for after so you can chill). Enjoy a bit of time as a couple and no kids.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 05/04/2019 12:01

It's really NOT rude.

Lweji · 05/04/2019 12:01

OP, I hope you adjust the wedding present accordingly.

Fraula · 05/04/2019 12:02

BlueberryFool123 has it. Lovely day out together. Spend much less on a gift and use it for your lunch out!

RosemarysBush · 05/04/2019 12:03

I don’t see how it’s rude to invite someone to your evening reception to celebrate your marriage and also say they’re welcome to the service too, if they fancy that?

cloudymelonade · 05/04/2019 12:04

Been to a few like this, mostly church weddings. Just go to one or the other, simple

Sockwomble · 05/04/2019 12:04

I've been invited to a few evening only receptions where it has the time and venue of the wedding ceremony on the bottom of the invite, saying that people are welcome to come to church ( it's usually a church) if they wish. Only for local weddings though.

Babuchak · 05/04/2019 12:05

All these people saying it's normal? It's very poor etiquette and I've never heard of anyone doing this.

I'd take it up with Buckingham Palace ..... they do it every wedding

so the bride and groom think they are royalty? Grin Grin Grin
So we go from rude to being chavvy, brilliant.

Sitdownstandup · 05/04/2019 12:06

It is rude. If you've done it, plenty of the people you invited in that capacity will have thought you were cheeky fuckers.

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2019 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmrysAtticus · 05/04/2019 12:08

Would definitely be a no from me.

Sitdownstandup · 05/04/2019 12:08

Yeah I get it when people are really local, like if it's in a church then a hotel over the road and the people you're inviting live round the corner.

But in OPs situation, nah. Dont do it!

BlueberryFool123 · 05/04/2019 12:09

There’s a big difference between saying you are invited to an evening ceremony and by the way if you would like to come to wedding ceremony you are welcome, but no pressure and sorry can’t invite you to meal...and as in OPs case invite where you are expressly invited to parts of the day.

Capri0 · 05/04/2019 12:09

I personally think that this kind of invites are ridiculous! Why bother inviting you when they know you don't live locally and would need to find something to do for the hours between the ceremony and the evening do. Is it a friend/colleague/relative?
If I were you, I would just spend the day with my husband. Go to a spa, shopping and/or lunch. I guarantee you would enjoy it more.

M4J4 · 05/04/2019 12:10

No way would I go! Shock

I would decline and do something else that day to make the most of the babysitter.

It sounds like you have been invited for a gift. If you do, don't give them a gift.

SunshineCake · 05/04/2019 12:12

While it's sad that people can't afford to have everyone there so have to have two sets of guests I think it's more sad that people think miss the ceremony and just go to the meal or evening do. Surely the marriage ceremony is the most important part of the day ?

Margot33 · 05/04/2019 12:12

Can you just go to the evening part and tell the baby sitter you only need her for the evening?

woolduvet · 05/04/2019 12:14

Could you two go out for the day then go to the evening do? Get changed in the hotel toilets?
If asked the babysitter was late...

Babuchak · 05/04/2019 12:18

While it's sad that people can't afford to have everyone there so have to have two sets of guests

most people could afford it, they just chose not to. You could organise a very cheap and friendly wedding in a hall or other, or you could chose to book an expensive venue, wear an expensive gown, spend a fortune on invitations, photographs and nail varnish. It's a choice.
(I had a big wedding, I like them, but the guests I could afford where all catered for)