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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think autistic people don’t understand the impact they have on people

352 replies

SpectrumBlues · 04/04/2019 20:53

Is a pretty appalling statement to make?

(On the guest blog thread about the under-diagnosis of autism in women and girls)

As an autistic person, I find it hurtful and also deeply unfair. But am I completely naive - are we really just viewed as horrible sub-humans? Should I give up trying to argue that we are just people who process the world differently? Is the fact that I have had to suffer a whole load of bullying and pain by NT people because I’m different irrelevant?

I know this is a huge indulgent pity party but I just don’t get why hurtful comments are continually made about autistic people in this website and it is accepted.

I’ll now await deletion.

OP posts:
Kaddm · 04/04/2019 20:56

There are bullies in the world.
People with autism are an easy target for them.
That’s it.

Ragnarthe · 04/04/2019 20:57

Can you link to the article?

JamPasty · 04/04/2019 20:57

That's bonkers! Unless the impact they mean is that autistic people highlight and answer the need our society has for people who think and act outside of the box and make the place that bit more interesting!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/04/2019 20:57

Can we have it in context ? One line out of an article, isn't really giving context - can we have a link?

To think autistic people don’t understand the impact they have on people I would alter that statement to To think some (autistic) people don’t understand the impact they have on others people

DailyMailSucksWails · 04/04/2019 20:57

I need a link to see the remark in context.
I know it's somewhere on MN but I've worked 10 hrs, ran 40 minutes, cycled 2 hours today. Too knackered to know where to look.

snowdrop6 · 04/04/2019 20:58

It's gone ,I just went to read it

Macaroni46 · 04/04/2019 20:58

This is a very difficult one to answer. I can only give my personal experience. My dad has Aspergers and whilst I know he never means to hurt me there have been times when he's said things that have hurt me deeply, because he tells it how he thinks with no filter. Likewise his lack of affection or warmth and sometimes inappropriate behaviours in social settings.
However, I realise this is one individual case and all the above may have nothing to do with aspergers at all.
But do I think badly of autistic people? No, not at all. As you say, you frame the world differently. There's room for us all.

Friedspamfritters · 04/04/2019 20:58

It's a ridiculously stupid and mean spirited thing to say. Such a general statement it's clearly rubbish. Lots of people don't know the effect they have on other people and autistic people are a huge and varied group.

PookieDo · 04/04/2019 21:00

I never assume anyone knows the impact they have on other people. I have met plenty of very irritating mean or annoying people who do not have autism and either choose to be that way or are unaware they are selfish. I would assume someone making a statement like that lacks self awareness indeed Wink

PlasticPatty · 04/04/2019 21:01

I haven't read the article yet. I'm waiting to gather my autistic resources and have strength to do it. I tried to watch a YouTube video about women with autism (termed 'HFA./no -longer-Asperger's) and was at meltdown point within two minutes of the psychologist starting her spiel.
MN is full of people who don't know shit about autism. Also, as each autistic has their own form of autism and expression of the same, it probably is difficult for others to 'get it right' with us. But - people could be nice, kind etc and that would help.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 04/04/2019 21:01

I've not read the full guest post, I got distracted and not gone back yet, bit that is an appalling statement and YANBU.

My first experience of someone with Autism properly came at university, and I really thought this guy hated me...every point I made in a seminar he seemed to take issue with, but as I got to know him, and learnt more about his particular form, we actually became good friends.

I think the issue is a lack of understanding on both sides, and it's easy to sideline people with Asperger's or autism as being difficult and not making efforts when really people who don't have it are just as bad.

aprilanne · 04/04/2019 21:02

My son has made an impact on our lives he is brutally honest can't lie .so yes sometimes he comes across as rude if your bum is big in that dress it's big .but he is out working contributing to society .My son is a wonderful young man who I am very proud off .and I am sorry about the bullying unfortunately you will always get bullies in life just rise above it

OP posts:
Monstermissy36 · 04/04/2019 21:04

My ds is autistic and brutally honest/literal that can be hurtful at times which he struggles to understand... do you mean I'm this way??

Original poster
SpectrumBlues · 04/04/2019 21:04

But this will
Probably get pulled now as a TAAT which it’s not meant to be - it’s meant to be a genuine question. Why do MN tolerate statements like that?

OP posts:
Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 04/04/2019 21:06

...To think autistic people don’t understand the impact they have on people..

“I never assume anyone knows the impact they have on other people...”

This

ShawshanksRedemption · 04/04/2019 21:08

Not "horrible subhumans" at all. But I know my autistic HF DC does struggle to understand innately how some of their behaviour impacts on the family as a whole. When I explain to them, they take it on board as they just hadn't realised. It's about communication IMO.

I suspect my DH is also autistic (he has very similar traits to DC) and can find that a lot harder to deal with. There are times I feel a single parent as he doesn't get the nuances of how to deal with some things with the DC, he's very black and white with his thinking. However he has other skills I don't have (incredible focus on a job that needs to doing), so as far as I'm concerned, it's just the way things are and part of life's rich tapestry!

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 04/04/2019 21:09

Well this statement:
“- are we really just viewed as horrible sub-humans”
Would not be tolerated but no-one said it.

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 04/04/2019 21:10

OP I think you are stuck talking about a previous thread.

museumum · 04/04/2019 21:11

Some autistic people though aren’t just people who process the world differently. Some are very disabled by the condition. Unable to communicate in any but the most basic way and unable to relate to anyone even parents who love them so much. It can be utterly heartbreaking and require lifelong care.

Original poster
SpectrumBlues · 04/04/2019 21:12

No it was just me that made the subhumans comment as that’s the way the comments make me feel, and they are not deleted.

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 04/04/2019 21:13

DP is definitely on the spectrum and has no idea the impact on me or many others around him
He can’t understand why he has no friends and struggles with colleagues and employers which is why he’s frequently out of work - he is NC with his family which I also think is part of this
As he genuinely is unable to see this or get how anyone else feels - and knows he is always right - I don’t see an answer
It is why despite being D we do not live together anymore

RaffertyFair · 04/04/2019 21:14

OP are you referring to a comment posted on the thread or a statement in the guest post?

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 04/04/2019 21:14

Ok, I simply don’t read them as being at all similar.
Each to their own interpretation I guess!
But I haven’t seen the thread.

Original poster
SpectrumBlues · 04/04/2019 21:15

Rafferty it was a comment - not in the original OP (who is a very distinguished professor)

I should have made that clear.

OP posts: