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Original poster

Son shown his willy during lesson

349 replies

Harryy · 04/04/2019 18:42

Today after school the teacher has told me that my 5 year old son had pulled down his pants and showed his willy to the class during PE and tomorrow he will be missing out on his morning break time surely this behaviour should be dealt with on the day it happens? (PE was the last lesson)

OP posts:
CharlottesInterWeb · 04/04/2019 19:55

@chillipizza for some children yes, those are the boundaries that are tested.

Girls do this too - not just boys.
I just don't understand the hysteria over a little boy getting it wrong. Overreaction and punishment could lead to feelings of shame about his body - which could potentially lead to further issues later down the line. Not saying that will happen obviously but that's why I prefer to take a more relaxed attitude about children making mistakes when they are too young to fully grasp social etiquette.

CharlottesInterWeb · 04/04/2019 19:58

How the hell can you equate a reception age little boy to an adult flasher! Wtf am I reading???

JuniorAsparagus · 04/04/2019 19:58

I was an Infant teacher for 30 years.
It happens. He is in reception. He isn't a predatory teenager, he's a little boy.
No he shouldn't have done it, but he has probably realised that now.

Original poster
Harryy · 04/04/2019 20:00

He knew he shouldn't be showing people his willy! He won't even take his pants off at home when his sisters are in the same room. This is the first time he's done it I can't predict when he's going to do at school and I'm hoping this is just a one off

OP posts:
oblada · 04/04/2019 20:00

Meh it's just a body part! What would you do if you crossed a nudist beach? I can imagine my girls being surprised at a kid showing their willy but after the initial shock they'd laugh rather than be distressed. Maybe they're weird. Maybe I'm weird. But I kind of like our weirdness if that's the case and it feels a more secure state to be honest.

AverageMan · 04/04/2019 20:00

There has to some girl of punishment, otherwise the other boys will think it's acceptable behaviour.

Lucked · 04/04/2019 20:01

callmekaren is bonkers. I hope the teachers have more common sense than to waste social works time. Even if a jobsworth did contact them about it the OP has nothing to be concerned about.

The swimming my kids go to has communal changing (it’s a private pool for kids swimming lessons) with boys able to come into the female changing until age 8 as most are brought by their mums. I have not seen a child of either sex bat an eyelid at getting changed in front of each other. Certainly no one has been distressed.

I wouldn’t oppose the punishment because he sounds like he was misbehaving anyway regardless of his willy being out and it is not excessive but it is a shame it is the next day. Learning to cope with the rules and punishment is part and parcel of growing up and school.

jellycatspyjamas · 04/04/2019 20:02

I wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of it - my DS is 6 and while he knows his privates are private, he’s fascinated by his penis and thinks I should be too. He’s a little boy figuring out his body and I wouldn’t be shaming him for that.

He hasn’t (and wouldn’t I don’t think) show people at school but I know of instances where children have inadvertently exposed themselves getting ready for gym (everyone getting changed in the class room, pants being pulled down with trousers or tights), the teacher deals with it a low key way and mentions to parents at home time.

The last thing I’d expect is a SW referral for something that was a one off incident of a five year old showing his willy getting changed for gym. Total over reaction.

Stinkytoe · 04/04/2019 20:02

and girls Averageman*

ChipSandwich · 04/04/2019 20:04

I would be much more worried by another child being distressed by seeing a child's privates in that manner. What is there to be distressed about?

The child might not have seen a penis before. Might not have a brother. Might have modest parents. It's easy to see why it might be distressing. I have 2 brothers 10 and 12 years older than me and I certainly have never seen their penises (ii)?
I had lots of little friends who were boys, but none of them ever whipped it out. So I can imagine at 5 it might come as a shock, and be quite distressing.

I obviously live in a different world to most people here.
I don't apply this to OP though, as she says her child is SN so I expect he may exhibit behaviour that one wouldn't expect from this age group.

musicposy · 04/04/2019 20:05

I've taught infants for many years. It's very normal at this age for them to do this, so ignore posters saying there's something wrong with your son. If you'd said your 13 year old that would be different! But reception children very prone to this.

As a teacher I personally wouldn't have punished a first offence of this. I usually just have a word saying nobody wants to see it (even if others are showing obvious fascination!) and to put it away. I've never known that not to be sufficient.

HexagonalBattenburg · 04/04/2019 20:06

I'm an infant teacher too - it happens fairly commonly - you just reinforce that these things stay in your pants and carry on with the day. Boys AND girls but of course anatomically boys have a bit more to show and compare down there so it seems to happen a bit more frequently - but as I mentioned before DD1 did it at the same sort of age, and it hasn't reoccurred, she's perfectly fine to be functioning in mainstream education (working at greater depth across the board incidentally) and hasn't been in bother at school since she was just reminded to keep her blooming pants ON!

I'd settle for DD2 mastering that the pants go on BEFORE the trousers to be fair - but when they're on they stay on.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 20:07

What you’d expect to see at a nudist beach is rather different to what you’d expect to see in a classroom oblada, you loon!
You could make the same argument for flashing in Tesco - meh, it’s just a body part, you’d see worse on a nudist beach...
What’s the relevance?

LilQueenie · 04/04/2019 20:11

You need to speak to him yourself and explain it was wrong. Find out why he did it and be sure he knows not to do it again. This is not a school issue regardless of where it happened.

hennaoj · 04/04/2019 20:11

A punishment on an autistic 5 year old the day after the event is unlikely to work. It's not something I would back up at home either! It also shows a big lack of understanding by the school. A young child (especially one with autism) needs their breaks in order to be able to learn.

I also have an autistic 5 year old son, in reception. He gets extra breaks otherwise he simply wouldn't be able to cope in the classroom. He has a social age of 2 1/2 or 3 years, any punishments have to be immediate as per his EHC and advised by professionals as he simply won't understand or remember at a later time. In fact disraction works much better with him as advised by the disability nurse.
He's actually doing rather well, in mainstream with a 1-1.

Cantthinkofausername1990 · 04/04/2019 20:13

Agree with the above, unless he is aware this is inappropriate behaviour then teaching him about privacy would be better than punishing him

oblada · 04/04/2019 20:14

People flashing do it to upset others, it can be more upsetting for those reasons. They do it for sexual gratification. So yes I would be bothered.
Would I be distressed at a child showing his privates by accident or out of silliness? No. Would i be distressed by people on a nudist beach going about their business? No. Would I be bothered by someone being accidently exposed in a care home or hospital environment? No. I wouldn't want to look/see but I wouldn't be traumatised.
So yes context is relevant to some extent. A naked body is not distressing. Someone flashing someone else for sexual gratification can definitely be.

mrstinky · 04/04/2019 20:15

RabbityMcRabbit nothing at all it was a joke. I thought it was cruel making me watch the wall.

ScurfyTwiglet · 04/04/2019 20:17

No way is any punishment appropriate here. He's 5, why should he be punished for showing any part of his body? To him it's just his body! Just have a sit down and talk to him about how and why we keep certain parts private.

mrstinky · 04/04/2019 20:19

CallmeKaren I m sorry to say this but you are what is wrong with the world today. Looking for issues and causing trouble where you can. What is in your head for you to come out with a ss report on the op and her son are you bonkers.

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:20

To him it's just his body!

Why the need to show it off then?

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:22

PMSL I'm what is wrong with the world today? I'll just kill myself then to save the world is it?

McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:24

@CallmeKaren Can I just say - you're username is very fitting for your comments. You are the epitome of a "I want to speak to your manager" Karen.

I HAVENT SEEN THIS EVER SO ITS NOT NORMAL. ffs. And the safeguarding comments? Are you having a laugh?

corythatwas · 04/04/2019 20:24

I would at the very least expect that this incident will have generated a SS report. Maybe some questions on whether he is capable of integrating into a mainstream school

So what do you suggest should happen instead? Do you imagine there is such a plethora of special schools that they could cater not only for children with severe learning disabilities and severe behavioural difficulties but to every child who on one single occasion displays mildly inappropriate behaviour?

If a child doesn't know to keep his willy in his pants, is he ready for school?

Again, what do you suggest should happen? The child is 5, the law dictates that he should be educated.

McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:25

If you think this would go to a safeguarding enquiry, youve clearly not seen how stretched SS's are.