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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son shown his willy during lesson

349 replies

Harryy · 04/04/2019 18:42

Today after school the teacher has told me that my 5 year old son had pulled down his pants and showed his willy to the class during PE and tomorrow he will be missing out on his morning break time surely this behaviour should be dealt with on the day it happens? (PE was the last lesson)

OP posts:
CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:26

At 5, he knew enough to know it would either A get him attention or B distress other children or C make him feel good.

I wouldn't want my dd in class with a boy like this. I simply wouldn't. Dd is very proper and it would have distressed and disgusted her. She would certainly not engage with said boy and she would be strongly encouraged by me to avoid him.

You just can't do this! Even at the tender age of 5.

hennaoj · 04/04/2019 20:27

CallmeKaren

He might not have been showing it off. He might have felt uncomfortable and was trying to adjust himself, or even 'forgotten' where he was.

My now 8 year old (also autistic) went though a strange phase of pulling his trousers and underpants down in public a few years ago. The most spectacular one was at Legoland. We just got him to pull them up and didn't make a fuss, infact the more fuss you make about something the more likely he is to do it again as he likes negative attention. He also had a tendency to zone out at times.

I mentioned it to school incase he did it there and they weren't bothered at all, said he might have been uncomfy.
He only occasionally does it at home now.

SinkGirl · 04/04/2019 20:28

Why aren't you bothered about the fact that he was waving his willy around, rather than timing?

Tell that to my brother - when he was that age, every time I had a friend round he’d remove his trousers and run around screaming WILLY WILLY WILLY.

He’s fortunately he’s kept it concealed from me for the last 20 odd years so I wouldn’t worry too much.

hennaoj · 04/04/2019 20:29

At 5, he knew enough to know it would either A get him attention or B distress other children or C make him feel good.

You clearly have no idea about autism. You cannot judge an autistic child as being the same age socially as a neurotypical child.

Limensoda · 04/04/2019 20:31

Doesn't surprise me, as MNers seem to find it charming how fascinated their sons are with their willies

Not really. They just know that many little boys ARE fascinated by their willies. It's normal. Your reaction isn't.
It's not aggressive, it's not threatening, it's not sexual.

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:31

Which I've asked whether he is old enough to be in mainstream school yet.

Mummadeeze · 04/04/2019 20:31

I don’t think a punishment is right in this situation. When I was that age I used to pull down my pants to show the boys at school without realising why it was inappropriate or wrong. I did it because they offered me polos in return. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me. When my Mum found out she gave me a good talking to but didn’t punish me. I still remember her telling off and didn’t do it again after that. I guess maybe they should punish him as a last resort if he won’t listen but not as a first port of call.

Original poster
Harryy · 04/04/2019 20:32

I'm not that bother that he got his willy out ok it was wrong to do I just wanted to know about being punished the next day

OP posts:
McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:32

@CallmeKaren I wouldn't want my kids in a class with yours either if they have taken on your intolerance.

He's. 5. years. old.

No one is saying what he's done is hiliarious or acceptable, OP is asking if it needs to be brought back up tomorrow. Its not acceptable, but he is 1) FIVE YEARS OLD. 2)A boy (they mature slower) 3) Has ASD (difficulties in social interactions).

Your comments want him out of mainstream school, or school altogether and are making OP to be out to be a shit mum and this is some devil child. He has needs, and we should be a fucking inclusive society and accepting people need guidance and support in different ways.

You're the one whose wrong here.

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:32

I don't want my dd exposed to being exposed to little Johnnie's winky at school daily because he's just fascinated with his winky.

Limensoda · 04/04/2019 20:32

I wouldn't want my dd in class with a boy like this. I simply wouldn't. Dd is very proper and it would have distressed and disgusted her

My god, what are you teaching her?!

McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:33

Where do you want him to go? Back to one of the instituitions so one of your little darlings dont get exposed to the special kids?

MrsPnut · 04/04/2019 20:33

Collecting my youngest from reception some years ago, I got beckoned by the teacher. She told me that DD had got changed for pe that day and they’d noticed that she had no knickers on.
Thankfully the teacher had a child in the year above and knew that it was one of those things that the little darlings do. I do still ask DD sometimes if she her knickers on even though she is at secondary school.

Youngandfree · 04/04/2019 20:34

As a teacher and a parent I don’t agree. I don’t carry things over to the next day. Even adults deserve to start a new day on a new leaf. It was policy in a school I trained in to keep children in the day after an incident and all that did was start a viscous cycle if I’m being honest. I would also be aware that 5yr olds do things in the spur of the moment not realizing for one second what they have actually done! A morning chat about his behavior would suffice for me, and an explanation of why it’s not acceptable, etc etc. I am by no means a teacher that lets children away with things but I’m also aware of “once off” incidents. If it happens again on the other hand... that’s when I would get serious.

corythatwas · 04/04/2019 20:35

OP, I would suggest that whether your ds can remember a punishment from one day to the next and understand the connection has more to do with his SN than with his age. Being 5 in itself should be plenty for that.

If you feel he is a special case because of his SN I suggest you make an appointment with his teacher to discuss how discipline is to be handled most effectively given his capabilities. If this is done in a non-confrontational eager-to-help way, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to come up with something.

As for the actual punishment of now, I would let it ride; just remind him briskly and calmly in the morning that you showed your willy so you will lose your break because those are the rules in school; no one must show their willy.

LadyRannaldini · 04/04/2019 20:35

I think it's important that schools and parents show a united front about appropriate behaviour

The most relevant comment, it's important that a child of any age sees that s/he can't play one off against the other.

McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:35

As you have the issue with it, Maybe your daughter should be home schooled? As everyone else are more understanding and tolerant.

Original poster
Harryy · 04/04/2019 20:35

I'd just add that I'm a dad 🙈 single day to 3 kids! 2 girls and a boy.

OP posts:
McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:36

@youngandfree I completely agree, Im a nurse working with people with LD and I wouldn't be revisiting incidents after they've happened.

Its confusing and could trigger more behaviour.

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:37

I'm teaching her that her privates are private and that she has the right to be annoyed if anyone man, woman or child exposes themselves to her.
She has a very good concept of what is bold - albeit, she has never experienced this but I know it would be the first thing she'd come running to tell me coming out of school to guage my reaction. I would definitely try to email the teacher or catch them at pick-up time to see whether she was making crap up or what exactly happened. I wouldn't just say to her - oh honey - that's just boys being boys.

My ds wouldn't do this either. He never did even as a toddler!

McHelenz · 04/04/2019 20:37

@harryy sorry!! haha

LadyRannaldini · 04/04/2019 20:37

I wouldn't want my dd in class with a boy like this. I simply wouldn't. Dd is very proper and it would have distressed and disgusted her

A lot of parents have the delusion about their children!

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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Claw01 · 04/04/2019 20:38

He has ASD, his understanding of cause and effect might not be great.

Did they say why he pulled his pants down? Were they twisted? Annoying him? Etc

corythatwas · 04/04/2019 20:38

Which I've asked whether he is old enough to be in mainstream school yet.

You haven't come up with any suggestion as to what should happen instead or where you imagine the OP could find a "non-mainstream" school that would be willing to educate him instead.

(Or indeed what would happen if he showed his willy to some child in a special school and they were distressed.)

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