Son shown his willy during lesson

[Harryy]

Today after school the teacher has told me that my 5 year old son had pulled down his pants and showed his willy to the class during PE and tomorrow he will be missing out on his morning break time surely this behaviour should be dealt with on the day it happens? (PE was the last lesson)

zoflora that’s wonderful - I hope my sons end up with such understanding class mates.

@zoflora this is an excellent example of how mainstreaming can work for everyone. Clearly doesnt work like this all the time, but it is so heartening to hear about examples like this. Also there is a movement now towards inclusive universities, where young people with special needs can be included into mainstream universities. As a society we ve come along way in appreciating neuro diversity. I honestly think, the more inclusive a class room the better. Its jst sad to see attitudes like Karen's.

Managed to speak with this school this morning. He didn't want to do PE and decided that during the lesson that he'd take start to strip off (taking his shoes, socks and then pulling down his shorts and underwear).

They are sticking with keeping him in over playtime and will be speaking with I'm and explaining what he did wasn't good behaviour

Do you have an autism support team? Sounds as though the school would benefit from autism training.

I’m really saddened that they’re punishing him for this, given his recent diagnosis. I hope you’re coping okay OP, I know how difficult the diagnostic process is, having both my sons diagnosed in the space of 2 months earlier this year.

Are you getting much support? Is there a SENDIASS near you that you can speak to?

Have you met with the school’s SENCO? They need to be making adjustments for his additional needs and it doesn’t sound like they are to me - taking break time away from a child with ASD for something that was a one off and happened the day before is so counter productive.

Does he have an OT supporting him yet? Are there already things in place to support him at school while you go through the EHCP process (eg aids for sensory seeking behaviour and so on)? My boys are much younger but one is constantly sensory seeking and sadly one of those things is pulling his penis out of his nappy constantly unless his clothes make that impossible. Could he have felt overwhelmed by the lesson, is he sensory avoidant? Were they doing something in the lesson that was difficult for him and made him feel overwhelmed (eg proprioceptive movements - swinging, spinning etc)? These are all things, alongside the recent freedom from nappies (huge well done to you) that off the top of my head may be a factor.

You mention he has some PECS cards - how long has he been using those? Is he non-verbal or limited speech, and how’s his understanding? If his understanding and his expression are both limited then it’s even more important to use PECS as much as possible (my two are completely non verbal but only just starting as their understanding is so limited). Do check out the app I mentioned (Visuals2Go) and consider getting him a tablet that can run it, as then he can do it all virtually, and it even has a voice that can speak the words on the cards selected - are you getting SALT help to learn PECS?

Sorry for the essay, I hope some of this is helpful. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job as a single parent with additional challenges.

As a year 4 teacher I would be appalled by this behaviour. Of course missing playtime is suitable.

He's not in year 4 Lozpurcell92.

@Raspberry88

I know. As a fellow primary teacher I would still be appalled at any age. However I do think let him take the punishment and move on given his recent diagnosis.

Ok that makes more sense. They are punishing more for not following the rules in general rather than just for showing his bits. I'd have a chat with him about that and focus on that.

@SinkGirl trying to remember all the questions you have asked lol

I'm due to see the SENCO soon and they are have started with the ELPC.

He is verbal but is delayed (a few word sentences) the nursery starter him on pecs cards

In the 80’s a classmate and I got sent to stand by the wall for being naughty in pe and once there we pulled our underwear down and waggled our bums, I got told off by the headteacher and she got corporal punishment (they had her parents permission) we were 4, I just remember thinking it would be funny and didn’t embark on a flashing career. Sounds like your son just took his clothes off no intention to ‘waggle his willy’

My 5 year old daughter and her little boyfriend showed each other their bottoms once. They are babies I gently reminded her that it’s not appropriate behaviour. No need for punishment and she’s growing up to be a very lovely, feisty and normal person.

The only difference is that my daughter wasn’t in England at the time and was treated appropriate to her age and development.

Maybe you should reassess your career choice!!

I think that using the playtime to speak with him is a good thing. He will actually learn something from that instead of just being kept inside to be bored. It also sounds that his general behanviour towards something he doesn't want to do was the problem, and not just his naked willy.

Laughing at the kids don't do this comments.

I vividly remember a summer birthday party at the end of year 6, so all kids were 11. One or more of the boys got their willies out, for the "laughs". I'm not in touch with any of them other than on Facebook but I'm pretty sure none are in prison or on the register now, 20 years later.

@FrancisCrawford thank you! Still a long way to go with toilet training he's will only pee in the toilet 🙈 but it's a start

I think heneeds to learn as if this is repeated throughout life it could get him into even more trouble. Teacher needs to nip it in the bud.

Agree with Maldives and Francis I remember showing a boy my bottom in school aged 7. I've grown up to be a fairly normal person. Young people are curious about their anatomies. Just have a firm talk. Don't make it into a big thing. Actual punishment seems over the top and giving a wrong message about child's actual intentions which were probably completely innocent.

Hi OP,

I just wanted to say I think you are doing great. It's amazing your DS has come out of nappies, that's a huge achievement for him, but it's those little steps that make our kids who they are.

Ignore people who are trying to put you down, it can be stressful having a child/children with any SN but we wouldn't change them for the world. If others do not want to try and understand what you have to deal with on a daily basis then that's their problem, they don't deserve your time.

Also having a child with ASD is challenging but rewarding all at the same time, any situation that occurs probably feels huge at the time, but you'll get through it and manage to carry on. When you get 5 minutes peace I hope you sit and tell yourself that you are a great parent and you are doing the best you can, and that's all any of us can do. I really hope you feel proud of yourself and your children.

Keep going, you will honestly be fine, remember little steps at a time, this is all new to you, so take your time and learn with him

I have a 5 year old lb. He is mighty proud of his 'willybob' he has yet to show it to his class though. If he did I would think a discussion at home about appropriate body behaviour and how our bodies are private would suffice.

I don’t think the issue isn’t that is showed his willy but more that he was not listening in class.

Given his diagnosis, I would think that keeping him in at break is an appropriate response. As a teacher, I would use that time to talk to him about conforming to class rules and also just getting to know him better. I would ignore the showing of body parts and ask you to have a chat with him about it at home. Also if the break is 10 minutes, I would only hold him for 5.

If the behaviour continues and keeping him in is clearly not working, then I would not continue using this sanction and look for something else.

Teachers are in a situation with thing like this. We are limited in what we can do with sanctions, we have to consider additional needs but we still need to keep a decent level of order within the lessons. Parental support is key.

Also must point out that if it is anything like our school, the teacher will now have around 10 parents coming in complaining that their child has seen this and demanding to know that action has been taken.

Hopefully your sons school will be able to get him additional support. It is a long hard slog though. My son is also diagnosed with several conditions but it took us 4 years to get him 1-1. Don’t give up if at first they say no.

Greenteacup, well I would hope then that the teachers at your school would tell them they can’t discuss individual punishments of other children with them, and that the behaviour was innocent and not aimed at any children. If my child came home and told me he witnessed this, I would tell him “oh well, I’m sure Miss Jones has sorted it out, remember you mustn’t do that either” and forget about it, as I’ve done with other “Jonny did X” tales.

@LuvSmallDogs

Of course we would not discuss it. My point was that although OP may feel that the sanction is too much, there will be several other parents who feel that their child should not be subjected to it. And so the best solution all round would be for both teacher and parent to support one another. If it happens in school I do feel that there has to be a school sanction.

They are sticking with keeping him in over playtime and will be speaking with I'm and explaining what he did wasn't good behaviour

Given that he has significant delayed difficulties with speech, I hope the ‘speaking to’ will be done in an appropriate way he can understand.