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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hen party - being told I'm BU

257 replies

samanthajonespr · 03/04/2019 18:21

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this Hmm

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/04/2019 18:23

I would say you need to pay as you have cancelled at short notice. You were going to spend the money anyway?

Really not sure why your family are giving you such a hard time about it?

KM99 · 03/04/2019 18:23

It doesn't seem at all fair you should shoulder the full cost when you have a valid medical reason.

What about a split across all the hens (yourself included?).

BarrenFieldofFucks · 03/04/2019 18:24

I think you need to pay at this sort notice. Across 9 people an extra 80 isn't much so many groups might say don't bother, but it isn't unreasonable of them to expect you to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2019 18:24

You made a commitment, you can't honour it, you should pay. Not your fault at all but that's the luck.

blackteaplease · 03/04/2019 18:24

It sucks that you can't go but I would pay as you pulled out at late notice.

mynameiscalypso · 03/04/2019 18:25

I'm sorry you're struggling, that sounds really hard and such a shame you can't go. If it was me though, I'd pay my share (presuming you can afford it). It sounds like the BM tried to find alternatives but couldn't.

Samind · 03/04/2019 18:25

I would not be paying for the room. End of. Do not be pressured into. I'm sure the others if necessary can split their costs A bit more.

Do not feel guilty tripped either. I didn't have it in my pregnancy but a friend did an needed physio for it and cried quite often. So no, rest up, feet up and pamper yourself.

HollowTalk · 03/04/2019 18:25

You need to pay. Why should the others pay your share?

LaurieFairyCake · 03/04/2019 18:25

Of course you should pay at such short notice. The cost is yours.

dinkydolphin · 03/04/2019 18:26

You need to pay your share. Why should everyone else suffer because you've dropped out at short notice.

I would drop out also and your reasons are completely valid but, I would still contribute.

Veterinari · 03/04/2019 18:26

You need to pay. It’s up to you to take out travel insurance for costs - if you didn’t and pull out, you’re liable.

The other bridesmaids absolutely should not have to pay extra because if your illness

careermumofone · 03/04/2019 18:26

Of course you should pay - it’s unfortunate that you can’t go but it shouldn’t be someone else’s problem to pay for your room at short notice. It’s hard enough organising these kind of things and often the person organising ends up out of pocket because of people pulling out at the last minute etc.

It would be kind if, after you say you’ll pay, everyone puts in an extra few quid to cover your share, but this shouldn’t be expected.

Astella22 · 03/04/2019 18:26

If the hotel charge even in the event of your legitimate medical reason then I can’t see why you would not pay, who exactly are you expecting to pay??

Heismyopendoor · 03/04/2019 18:27

I’ve had spd twice, been on crutches and wheelchair both times. So I totally understand why you aren’t going. But at this short notice I think you should pay for your half of the room.

IvanaPee · 03/04/2019 18:27

I think you should offer to pay.

But if I was one of the other hens, I’d suggest we split the cost of your place. It’s only an extra £10 each.

But yeah, it’s not the other woman’s fault you can’t go. Not yours either, obviously.

lyralalala · 03/04/2019 18:27

You have to pay when you pull out at short notice. Just as someone who got a stomach bug on Friday would still have to pay.

Candleglow7475 · 03/04/2019 18:27

Yes I think you should pay, it’s unfortunate that you are too ill to go but it’s no one else’s issue.

BlueEyedPersephone · 03/04/2019 18:28

You should pay, not ideal but, not anyone's else's responsibility to pay and it's too late to sub someone in

NotStayingIn · 03/04/2019 18:28

Of course you need to pay. Why should the girl you were supposed to be sharing with have to pay double now? Are your husband, mom and sister always this happy to fleece others? Sad.

Iloveacurry · 03/04/2019 18:28

On this occasion I think you need to pay as its short notice. Why should everyone else pay more if you don’t go?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2019 18:28

I would pay it, as as the person you were sharing with would have to pay double.

PrincessScarlett · 03/04/2019 18:28

Would an option be for the remaining 9 hens to split the total cost of accommodation between them so would be £88.88 each instead of £80?

This is what I would do if I had organised a hen. If you had just cancelled for no reason I would say you have to pay your share. But as you have a medical reason not to go, I as the organiser would try not to have to charge you.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 03/04/2019 18:28

Yep I'm afraid I agree with the majority and with yourself. Ignore your family you are right to think it is fair that you pay for the room. As you said it's not the rest of the groups fault you now cannot go so they shouldn't need to put in extra. Plus it does sound like the chief bridesmaid has tried to find a compromise.

Sorry you are feeling so rubbish though Sad

Greenlegobox · 03/04/2019 18:29

You should pay as it's such short notice and you're leaving others in the lurch. I sympathise with the SPD. I'm on crutches with it and going to a wedding at the weekend.

itswinetime · 03/04/2019 18:30

I'm team you need to pay I'm afraid it's Would be nice is all the hens offered to split the cost between them but it's Saturday that's pretty late notice even for a small amount.

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