Hen party - being told I'm BU

[samanthajonespr]

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this

Oh for goodness sake is "you have to pay" the new Cancel the Cheque?! People reeeeeally don't like really updates do they

OP is happy to pay, she's very reasonable!

As a group most I know would kick in an extra tenner in these circs, and then fight over having their own room. 😁

Less than a week's notice? You owe the money sorry.
I really feel for you with your pregnancy health and you're doing the right thing by not going, but why should the other hens cover you? If there's no way one of them can swap rooms and it's way too late to get someone else to take your place, around then you're unfortunately you're stuck with the monetary responsibility.

You're absolutely making the right decision not to go for your health, however you definitely have to pay for your room . Otherwise the cost falls to the rest of the party & that's not fair at short notice...🤷‍♀️ one of those annoying things that you have to suck up, pay for & not complain (certainly never ever ever to the bride!)

Im sorry you're not feeling well. I think pulling out was the right thing to do, but it's this Saturday which is short notice. I think you should pay.

Put it to your family like this: you're lucky you had the option for free cancellation and paying on the day. Most hotels you pay upfront and if you cancel that's your money gone

I think the nice thing to do would be to pay. It's short notice. You'll be saving a bit of money by not going because you won't be paying for food and drink etc.

Out is curiosity who do you family think should pay your share?

The others should all muck in and have a whip ‘round. It’s the friendly thing to do.

You should pay

I’d say it’s late enough notice hat really you should pay.
It’s absolutely not about the opinion of your Mother/hamster’s hairdresser, you felt you should pay and really that should be that.
I would never wvwn bring this up as an issue, within a month of the event I’d just aplologise for having to bail (not remotely your fault) and say I’m happy to pay my accom costs.

within my circle though etiquette would immediately dictate all other parties would refuse my contribution but that’s by the by

As a group most I know would kick in an extra tenner in these circs, and then fight over having their own room

This.

You should pay it obviously and your family are being dickheads to give you grief/create drama about it - it makes no odds to them.

Firstly, it is your call and nobody is going to make you pay anything.

However, if it were me - I would pay. It doesn't really matter what the reason you have for no longer going. You have committed to this and should stand by that commitment.

I would be prepared to pay, as you are, but would wait until the day as it's perfectly possible someone else will pull out which would solve the problem. If 2 more pull out, I'd make sure to get first dibs on the cancellation though!

Of course you should pay. You made a commitment and irrespective of the reason why you can’t go you still need to pay

Glad you are going to pay, wise move.

Your family! It's not their concern.

Good luck with pregnancy, you are 100% doing the right thing by not going.

It's your responsibility to pay.

Yes, it’s your responsibility to pay in this situation. Your relatives are wrong.
Your friends could divide your share but it’s up to them to decide.

Yeah you need to pay. The only way out is if someone else drops out meaning an entire room can be cancelled

I’ve organised loads of hen parties and almost every single time I’ve ended up shelling out some money of my own to cover someone who’s dropped out at the last minute. The last time I wised up and ended up dividing all the costs between one fewer person than there actually were, because I knew someone would drop out (which they did!)

As the organiser I would always try to find a way to cover or at least reduce the costs for the drop-out, but as the drop-out I would absolutely insist on paying for myself unless there was another way the organiser could recoup the money.

I’m sorry you’re in so much pain and now you have to miss the party, that sucks

I’d pay it and send a small pressie to the bride to say I’m sorry I couldn’t come.

Paying is the right thing to do. Your family are wrong to suggest otherwise.

And ignore those saying you should just struggle on, go anyway, life doesn’t stop. Medical advice is given for a reason. I didn’t take it when I was pregnant and I really should have. Lots of people told me life shouldn’t stop, it’s not an illness blah blah. I ended up in hospital 500 miles from home almost giving birth at 26 weeks.

Life bloody stopped after that.

It's unfortunate but yep you have to pay.

Those saying it would be nice to split between all the hens, yeah maybe if it was a small close group of friends. Realistically though, in a group of 10 hens, 3 or 4 of them might have never even met OP & I don't really think it's their responsibility to pay extra despite the fact it's unavoidable. If you'd all paid in advance you wouldn't dream of asking them all to give you a bit of money back each to make up for it so it's no different.

Unless they can cancel your cost, you need to pay. Of course you do. It’s your cost.