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Original poster

Hen party - being told I'm BU

257 replies

samanthajonespr · 03/04/2019 18:21

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this Hmm

OP posts:
safariboot · 03/04/2019 19:18

Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money.

Tell your family to nose out.

Pay for the holiday even though you can't go on it, it sucks but shit happens.

whateverhappenstheremore · 03/04/2019 19:19

Yes you need to pay - you said yes when the rooms were committed to so you have to pay even if you can't go. No question

DeaflySilence · 03/04/2019 19:19

Check to see if your bank account carries complimentary travel insurance. I know a few do.

Yes, pay.

Breakers · 03/04/2019 19:24

I think you are right not to go but you can't expect other people to pay for a room that was booked for you. You have to pay.

sonjadog · 03/04/2019 19:25

Check to see if you have travel insurance. You might have it in your house insurance or as part of the deal on your credit card. Then you can claim it back after paying.

littledoll33 · 03/04/2019 19:27

@samanthajonespr

I agree that you need to pay. It's a shame you're not able to go, but it's not anyone else's problem, and as a few posters have said, what business is it of your family? Confused

I am surprised that you arranged to go on a hen weekend type thing anyway at seven months pregnant. I was fit for nothing at that stage of pregnancy!

Hope you feel better soon.

PCohle · 03/04/2019 19:29

Yes, I agree OP, you do need to pay - ignore your shit stirring family!

You made the commitment to pay when you agreed to the trip, it's not fair to expect anyone else to pick up your tab.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 03/04/2019 19:31

I disagree. Someone gets the benefit of a whole double room to themselves. I think they should pay more ( price if a single room there) and you pay the difference. But not the whole £80.

uknownothingjonsnow · 03/04/2019 19:33

Why don't you just go and see if the hotel has a spa type thing or if there is one near-by and chill out while they are out doing their thing? Meet them for a few drinks and a meal? And surely someone would give up their seat on the train for a heavily pregnant woman? If u really don't want to then you'll have to pay.

Romax · 03/04/2019 19:34

@SheWoreBlueVelvet

But she didn’t ask for the benefit
Perhaps she doesn’t even want the benefit

Isitteayourlookingfor · 03/04/2019 19:35

If you are happy to pay and budgeted the money then you should just pay which is the decent thing to do.
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were suddenly left with double what you were expecting. Agree, tell your mum, dh and ds to nose out

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 03/04/2019 19:35

I fully sympathise with the SPD OP, as I had it and could barely walk. There is absolutely no way that you could go to the Hen Do. However, I do think that you should still pay, because you have withdrawn at late notice. It sucks I know, but it is the right and decent thing to do.

I have organised Hen Nights where you split the cost of the bus between everyone going, nobody pays a deposit, then half don't turn up on the night and the half that do resent paying more. It is a horrible situation to be in.

Look after yourself. If it's any consolation, the SPD usually disappears fairly quickly after you give birth.

Isitteayourlookingfor · 03/04/2019 19:36

Your not a mug like your family are saying, your being a nice person and not shafting someone else

Romax · 03/04/2019 19:39

@littledoll33

How many children do you have?

Because at 7 months with other children - you wouldn’t believe what you find yourself doing. And it’s a heck of a lot more exerting that an adult only weekend away involving a train journey (bliss!) and walking around a city

clairemcnam · 03/04/2019 19:39

Sheworevelvet But that person has not chosen to get that benefit. If they were willing to pay the extra for a room to themselves, they would have already booked that.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 03/04/2019 19:40

Romax someone out of the remaining 9 will love a room of their own. I have never been away where a spare bedroom hasn’t been snapped up.

DragonMamma · 03/04/2019 19:41

I think you should pay and it sounds like you were planning to.

But Cardiff is relatively small as capital cities go and everything is pretty central so there probably wouldn’t be that much walking ...

MrsJakeLovell · 03/04/2019 19:42

where do you live? Do you know Cardiff at all?

It is a very small city and easy to get from place to place. Have you thought about going and just doing the parts you can?

MrsJakeLovell · 03/04/2019 19:42

x post with Dragon Mamma!

clairemcnam · 03/04/2019 19:43

Then OP should try and sort that out. If I was organising the weekend away I would not want to contact 8 other people and try and sort this out. Because it wont be simple. I bet some will only want to share a room with certain people for example. Some will not want to share a room with snorers, etc. I doubt it will be as simple as you think. Because the person moving into the single room is leaving a bed that someone else has to take.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 03/04/2019 19:43

Maybe the option of not room sharing wasn’t mentioned? That would mean two peop,e have to pay for pokey single rooms ( which often aren’t cheaper).
A nice cheap double in the other hand...

MariaTheMartian · 03/04/2019 19:46

I’d pay it and not go. —It would be worth every penny to avoid going to ANOTHER hen do while pregnant - never again—.

Guavaf1sh · 03/04/2019 19:46

You need to pay

lablablab · 03/04/2019 19:49

You're the one who pulled out (quite rightly, can't be helped) but you're the one who should pay. It's the right and decent thing to do.

Marchitectmummy · 03/04/2019 19:49

Yep it's for you to pay. The fact you aren't going is of no consequence.

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