Hen party - being told I'm BU

[samanthajonespr]

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this

Yep you need to pay. Sorry you’re in pain and uncomfortable though.

I would pay as it's such short notice.

Spd is a bugger!!

I would pay. can't believe your family think it's ok not to. this is why some people buy insurance.
is there anyone else who could take your place?

I agree too, it's not fair on the person you would be sharing a room with so you should pay. Sorry you're missing it.

I agree that you should offer to pay at such short notice.

It sucks that you can’t go and it’s a yotally legitimate reason but I agree with everyone else who says yes you should pay.

Yes you should pay. It sucks but I don't see how else it could work. I've just been on a hen do and if I'd had to pull out at the last minute - even for very legitimate reasons of ill health - I would never have expected others to swallow my cost.

Look at this way too - you've all budgeted for your fair share. Nobody has budgeted for the extra. You were never going to have that £80, it was already spent. But people will have to find extra from somewhere else.

Of course you should pay. If youd pulled out a while ago and you could have been replaced then maybe your family would have a point. But why on earth would you expect other people to pay for your place?!

Surely she'll only have to now pay a single room supplement as opposed to the cost of 2 people. Same happened recently to me only I was the one left with the twin room when another person pulled out last minute. I was happy to keep the room to myself though and paid a supplement - not the same as paying for 2 people though. If I were you I'd ring the hotel yourself, ask what the story is now that one person has pulled out. Ask what the supplement is for one person using a twin room. If breakfast was included it would definitely be less anyway. Then if they tell you a lesser amount than the bridesmaid has given you, offer to pay that.

I’d personally pay

It’s not your sisters, mum or DH that are being left out of pocket-why do they get a say in it?!
Very unfair for the person you were supposed to be sharing with to pay double now you can’t go. It’s unfortunate, but the booking was based on you going, so you should pay. It isn’t for all the others to suck up costs either. Sorry you are suffering.

If it was free cancellation then really you shouldn't have to pay.

But in this case I would. You have left it far too late for them to book a single room.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have committed knowing I could be heavily pregnant at the time. The train and walking around would have put me off.

You need to pay. Why should the single person left over pay for a double room they don't need. Surely you had the money to go so I'd suck it up and think about the rest you can have on your sofa.

As I've said in the OP I'm perfectly willing to pay. I would never expect anybody to cover my cost. I'm even more sure I'm doing the right thing now.

My husband and mum are just thinking of me and don't want to see me struggling with the SPD and also having to shell out. It was money that I'd already budgeted and mentally spent.

Thank you for the replies

Yup, another one here saying you really ought to pay.

You must pay up, its crappy that you can’t go but why should the others be out of pocket? It’s just days away, no one else will have time to change their budgets. Sorry OP.

You will still save money on the meal, drinks etc.

Yes I’d pay.

Your cancelling far to late for them to get other rooms.

Feel better soon

Of course you should pay; I’m sorry to sound a bit rude as I had a horrific pregnancy so you have my sympathies but I think you probably should have thought of it either when you booked the hen or when you became pregnant as there was always a chance of this.
I don’t see why the other hens should pay for your place. A similar thing happened with one of my bridesmaids and she paid without questioning it.

It’s one of those things. Shame and can’t be helped. Not falling out with the bride and the other hens is top priority. That’s worth the £80 alone. Who cares what your family think! None of their business. Are they attending the hen party? If not, they need to keep their sticky beaks out of business that isn’t theirs. Do they always wade in with big boots? Tell them late notice means you have to pay and that’s that. Then pay and forget it. Relax and rest up and don’t let this stress you out. Stress free pregnancy is more important than arguing/worrying over £80

I suspect your family see it that it's not your fault that you can't go and it's not your fault at all. However I think you should still pay your share. That would be the right thing to do.

OP glad you are reasonable. If you did pay you risk falling out with a minimum of 9 people.

Got to pay it, your family are being daft

I would pay. I’ve been in the same situation and paid. Very annoying I know when you don’t get the benefit but incur the cost.

Also been on the receiving end of someone pulling out, it was medical related but something that she was aware of when she booked so unlike you in that respect ... there was a big falling out and the person who had to pull out and one of my other friends have never spoken since!

Yes, you should pay.