Hen party - being told I'm BU

[samanthajonespr]

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this

As per pp, you should pay, or claim on travel insurance if you have an ongoing policy, but it would be nice if the other hens offered to cover it as it wouldn't be much extra each split between them.

You pay, no question about it imo.

Sorry you're suffering at the moment - it'll all be worth it soon!

When the wedding was announced, I was a few weeks pregnant. I had a really smooth pregnancy with my first. This one was fine (apart from lingering morning sickness) until a few weeks ago when my pelvis pain got really bad. I've been absolutely fine, I was looking forward to the hen and I hate having to admit I can't cope.

I’d definitely pay it.

Of course you should pay!

There is a possibility that you'll save some money by ringing the hotel and cancelling your breakfast, and by seeing if it is cheaper if they can cancel your place an apply a single supplement instead. But it should be you doing all the ringing around and talking to the hotel, and you who pays costs over and above the 50% room charge that your room mate has budgeted to pay.

I agree you should pay, if it was free cancellation though I would check how much it would cost for the other girl to re book a single room and pay the difference, whichever is less. Do you have an annual insurance policy that you could claim on?

Could you just go for the meal? Do you have to do all the rest of it? How far is the meal venue from the hotel?

As for the train, can you not find the guard? If you are pregnant you must be able to get a seat. Usually you get a first class upgrade but it depends on the rail company but they will find you a seat.

Better than missing out completely?

Can she get a single room? And then you pay the difference?

It shouldn't cost her anything to rebook as it was free cancellation. So it'll just be the increased cost n of the room

I would pay my share as the room cant be cancelled in this instance because the other person still needs it. If anyone else drops out and a room is actually cancelled you shouldn't pay.

Of course you pay. It sounds tough for you. But people do get ill or have other things happen that means they can not go away places as planned. Either you get travel insurance, or you accept you might have to pay and not be able to go.
And this kind of stuff is why if I organise something, I always ask for the money upfront.

Of course you should pay, you’ve understandably cancelled a booking at short notice
Of course you prioritise you and the baby,take care and rest

The chief bridesmaid tried to find a solution but there isn't one.

Of course you need to pay. It's not your fault that you're ill, but nor is it the rest of the party's fault either.
Your instincts are correct. I don't know why your family are butting in.

stealth but the other person has agreed to go at a certain cost. You are asking them at short notice to pay more.

Good point ll83. If anyone else drops out you don't pay

I had to pull out of a hen due to pregnancy I lost about £250, it was crap but it's just one of those things. I think you should ignore DH and DM

You definitely should pay.

No I mean if a double room is 80 and a single is 60 the sharer should pay 40 as she always was planning to and op should pay 20.

I'm quite shocked at your families reaction, that's awful. Where are their morals? Do they have none?

And for them to go off their heads at you, call you a mug, what horrible horrible people.

You made a commitment, it would be deeply wrong to make others pay because you sadly had to pull out. That would be shit.

What a shame that you’re missing it but SPD is awful and you wouldn’t enjoy it.

Of course you’re right - you should pay. Not sure why your mother is wading in!

Also if someone refused to pay in this scenario, it would affect friendships long-term.

Yes, of course you should pay. Unfortunate, but that's how it goes sometimes.

I would call the hotel and explain the situation. If it's a twin room there might be some wriggle room re the cost of the room.

Stealth, there are no single rooms. The chief bridesmaid has tried that. And one person in a double room doesn't pay any less for being on their own, in the vast majority of hotels.

Stealth she says in her op there is no single or triple rooms available.