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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really angry? I've even cried

293 replies

HelenOn · 03/04/2019 10:13

My new job, of which I'm suppose to start next week, have called to have a chat.

They wanted to ask why one of my references came back as 'Had a lot of time off sick' (not sure if old work gave dates).

I was off a lot for the majority of my time in that role (about a year) due to crippling Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). My spelling may be slightly off there.

Anyway, since it is completely pregnancy related, I didn't think they could mention it in a reference.

But it's been mentioned and new employer now sounds very sceptical. I tried to explain what it is and I got a very abrupt 'We know what HG is'.

I just don't know what to do Sad I really need/want this job and feel like crying. New job have said they're speaking to HR for a chat about it.

AIBU to be really angry at old work?

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:14

Lol

Let's rewrite this

-
It would be okay if my previous employer to that didn't decide to tell that I'd been off sick with pregnancy related issues! It's hard to find out but I'm sure that is illegal since you can't disclose someone's health like that without consent.

Me being pregnant was not for them to reveal, was it?
--

It would be okay if I had told the truth on my Cv or more importantly in the interview when I had a chance to explain I hardly worked at the job that added credibility to my application but I hardly did

You still aren't taking responsibility OP. You need to start doing that.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:15

TheGrey

I claimed to work there. I did.

I did not disclose being off a lot, because it's pregnancy related. I didn't think it was the done thing within the employment world since it puts an employer and the candidate in a sticky situation if I was unsuccessful - It may turn out unclear if it was pregnancy related which isn't legal. So I didn't mention it at interview.

The same as I did not disclose maternity leave.

Again, I have experience elsewhere. And the experience needed for this job matches very adequately with the rest of my experience. Over and above, even.

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:17

If it matched as much as you said it was more of a reason to disclose.

You have been rumbled

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:18

OP put focus on what you are going to say next week. They are giving you the chance to explain. It could well be OK. Good luck but for fucks sake start being honest

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:19

Bess You still don't seem to accept that all evidence, legal and otherwise, suggests my old employer should never have revealed any maternity related matters to them.

Maternity related absence is recorded entirely differently to normal sickness. It can't even be used if you're off for over two years, for example.

I could have been sick the entire pregnancy, go on mat leave, and return again for a month before going off on leave again through sickness and then more leave. There would be absolutely 0 an employer could lawfully do.

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 15:20

What was so amazing about the job title, in that case?

BoomTish · 06/04/2019 15:22

So, OP, why do you think the new employers are dragging their heels a bit? They’ve told you they need a reference and they’ve been unable to get it.

Can you see it from their point at all?

It’s very common for people to have gaps on their CVs or have been sacked form roles after short stints then lie and say they were in temp contracts. As an employer, I’d always insist on a reference in these circumstances.

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:23

You are coming across ignorant now OP. Hiding behind the law to cover a lie is still a lie.

You lied and have done nothing to make amends. That's the whole issue here.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:26

TheGrey 0. The job title was medical secretary. This new job isn't a medical secretary role, but working closely with patients in vulnerable situations is favourable.

My medical sec job title just added to previous experience of working with patients face to face. My temp role was a PA role and not really relevant apart from the administrative skills

OP posts:
Polarbearflavour · 06/04/2019 15:27

So what is OP meant to do? You don’t write on a CV that you were off on maternity leave or with pregnancy related illness.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 15:30

Did they talk about the medical secretary role at the interview at all? They will have expected you to disclose a 9 month absence, for all you claim you are lawfully protected from mentioning it.

thewinkingprawn · 06/04/2019 15:33

I’m absolutely with the new employer here - you must have sat through an interview and over egged what you did in your previous role given you were off so much. No one hires on what a CV says, they will have picked it apart at interview, you will have over exaggerated (whereas if you’d been honest and said you were not there much but look at what I did in my previous roles that would have been much better). And now you cannot get a reference from your subsequent employer and you had issues there too. It might not be legally ok but i’d Be looking for ways out if I was your prospective employer too.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:37

thewink Right, and they wouldn't asked why I wasn't there a lot if I had said that at interview.

Meaning, I would've had to disclose Maternity related issues. That just isn't right, an employer could make their mind up there and then that they don't want you based on you being so sick whilst pregnant

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:39

*would have

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:39

Prawn has it in one polarbear. It's not rocket science what she should have done and the lack of remorse is alarming.

thewinkingprawn · 06/04/2019 15:42

Honestly - I would just have explained it to them. As an employer I would have understood - this just all sounds like BS and not telling the truth has meant you’ve fibbed about experience in a previous role since you simply didn’t get the experience - It’s just not on however much you want to bang on about legal rights

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:44

Bess I don't want to sound stuck up, because I'm really not trying to be. I'm really worried here and if I've made mistakes through this it isn't to con anyone.

The role where the employer disclosed I was off a lot pregnant didn't get disclosed by me because A. That would be telling the new employer about pregnancy related things and I didn't want to/didn't think you did do that.

B. The job I was off sick a lot in isn't any sort of senior role or anything fancy. It's just a simple medical Secretary role. It's not like I was trying to deceive someone I've been more senior than I really have.

I am more than capable of the job I did and would do. It was not difficult and I got on well with it, sick a lot or not.

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 15:44

You said originally that you took maternity leave after your illness, is there a reason that you didn’t return to the same company afterwards?There’s evidently a tale behind you leaving a full time medical secretary role for a temp pa role.
Were they willing to take you back or were there other issues besides your attendance?

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:45

TheGrey I did mention this previously in my thread - I didn't return after mat leave due to moving hours away and then having a small child, so the commute would've just been too ridiculous.

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 15:49

Ah, yes you did. Sorry.

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 15:50

Your first reaction to your new boss was saying they weren't supposed to tell you that.

Go in next week, apologise for flexing the truth and show them how the skills you had in that job you also used elsewhere.

They are giving you a chance to explain yourself which is very good of them and shows they like you. Don't blow it.

VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 15:53

you can't disclose someone's health like that without consent.

Presumably you did give them consent to request a reference?

I'm not sure where you are getting 'cannot disclose someone's health'?

Anyway:

  1. you had an interview? At this they would have asked about your experience, no? If the med sec role was so important, then the interview would have focused on that - how did you answer those questions?
    You surely must have said "I was off for a lot of that time, so didn't get as much experience in that role as I would have liked, but in the time I was there I did x, y and z. I also did a lot more x in the role before that and y in the role I did subsequently" etc?

No?

  1. this temp job - was it via an agency? If so, see if they can help with the reference. If not, since there is no obligation on any employer to give a reference (and of course they all say they will, but take that with a large pinch of salt) - go to your next employer down, contact THEM and ask if your new employer gets on touch will they give a reference and how the new employer should go about that. Then tell the new employer that you have another referee they can use and give them the details - be proactive.

It does sound as if you have over played your hand here though.

VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 15:57

Yes, they would ask why you were not there and you would have said "pregnancy related sickness and maternity leave" - anything else is a lie and lying is never OK.

You have to trust that they make their decisions disregarding this information.

Usually we would check any gaps on a CV (men and women) and this is essentially the same thing - the reason is the thing they have to ignore, not the fact it happened and the effect of that!

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 16:00

Van You seem to be overlooking that you shouldn't ever include someone's personal health such as pregnancy in a reference.

No I didn't disclose it in the interview, for the reasons I said before

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 16:02

You have to trust that they make their decisions disregarding this information.

But I shouldn't have to trust that. Because every bit of employment law and advice I've seen says pregnancy or anything relating to it isn't something to disclose.

The reality is, a lot of employers will find it out and not offer you the job purely on that, and then give some other excuse.

But now a lot employers seem not to like being told either from what I've read, since it makes it difficult for them when they don't offer you the job. The candidate could claim grounds of discrimination, etc etc etc

OP posts:
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