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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really angry? I've even cried

293 replies

HelenOn · 03/04/2019 10:13

My new job, of which I'm suppose to start next week, have called to have a chat.

They wanted to ask why one of my references came back as 'Had a lot of time off sick' (not sure if old work gave dates).

I was off a lot for the majority of my time in that role (about a year) due to crippling Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). My spelling may be slightly off there.

Anyway, since it is completely pregnancy related, I didn't think they could mention it in a reference.

But it's been mentioned and new employer now sounds very sceptical. I tried to explain what it is and I got a very abrupt 'We know what HG is'.

I just don't know what to do Sad I really need/want this job and feel like crying. New job have said they're speaking to HR for a chat about it.

AIBU to be really angry at old work?

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 20:25

Cancel the cheque!

JaneEyre07 · 06/04/2019 20:32

Was the reference a formal written one OP, or did they phone and get one off the record?

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 20:44

Jane That's a good question! I'm not really sure.

Their HR said a reference had come back but the manager of my new place also said she's spoken to the old line Manager so perhaps both?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 20:52

Because every bit of employment law and advice I've seen says pregnancy or anything relating to it isn't something to disclose.

I have no idea what you've been reading bit of course you tell employers if you have gaps in your skills due to being off for a whole year.

But you know, you seem intent on only believing what suits your narrative so crack on.

Milkn0sugar · 06/04/2019 21:00

Do you have a doctor's report or anything that you can submit to evidence the condition? Also, what was your sickness record when you were not pregnant? They are probably thinking that if you get pregnant again, the same could happen - which is totally discriminatory, unfair and surely the reason why they shouldn't be allowed to mention pregnancy-related sickness in references.

VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 21:02

They are not allowed to divulge any medical information without your consent.

Saying 'had a lot of time off sick' is hardly divulging medical information. Plus she gave consent for them to ask for the reference.

VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 21:04

But it's irrelevant anyway, they have told her they are disregarding the sickness as it was pregnancy related but they are concerned that as she has five years work experience, of which she was out of the workplace for two, she does not have the depth of experience she has implied. And, quite possibly, lied in the interview. By her own admission here, they are quite correct to be wary!

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 21:27

Saying 'had a lot of time off sick' is hardly divulging medical information

Yes it is. Because they said it was pregnancy related - That is divulging medical information.

Milk I've never really been off sick if it isn't pregnancy related, for my entire working life.

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 21:38

which is about 3 years in reality OP.

thewinkingprawn · 06/04/2019 21:40

It’s got nothing to do with divulging pregnancy related information - how many times! - that is between you and the old employer. I’m on the fence as to whether you’d have any kind of case. You need to focus on the fact that regardless what the reason is, you have misled a prospective employer at interview and you need to rectify this. I’d seriously put your attention to how to convince them you are trustworthy. If you last employer is still in business and has repeatedly ignored your requests for a reference and there is genuinely no reason for this then go in. Take someone with you if you must (ref you were apparently sexually harassed). I will be honest, I interview many people at all levels and your comments make you sound a bit of a nightmare. Self reflect a bit and sort the current issue out with new employer. If they don’t give it to you (and they are entitled to retract - it would be based on you lying about your experience NOT pregnancy sick leave). And next time I would strongly recommend you are up front and honest regardless of what you think the legalities are - you don’t have to listen of course but it would serve you well to take some of the goodness advice on this thread.

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 21:46

Cannot compute self-reflect
Listening also debatable, unless you agreed with her

MotherOfDragonite · 06/04/2019 21:49

VanGoghsDog is giving very unhelpful "advice" here. There is no obligation whatsoever to disclose absences from work for sick leave or for maternity leave.

And no, giving somebody's name for a reference is not the same as giving them permission to share medical information about you.

MotherOfDragonite · 06/04/2019 21:52

OP, the people on here are largely ill-informed and can't help you.

Go and call up ACAS on Monday. They have a free helpline and a fantastic knowledge base about stuff like this, and you'll be able to share the full situation: www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1410

What I would say is that, while I hope you still get the job, if they do try to withdraw it because of this then you could see it as a lucky escape from a shitty employer. Obviously I hope they aren't a shitty employer and that you'll still get the job. But if they are, you're better off somewhere more ethically sound.

PinkiOcelot · 06/04/2019 22:10

Just wondering how much face to face patient experience you received in the few months of your med sec role? Just I’ve been (still am) a med sec for years and have no face to face experience. Speak to them plenty on the phone but not actually face to face.

Giddyuppp · 06/04/2019 22:21

Please call ACAS, I've had to do the same as I had an issue with my employer and I don't have a union. The advice I got was great, speedy and (most importantly) accurate.

VanGoghsDog · 06/04/2019 22:28

cause they said it was pregnancy related - That is divulging medical information.

Oh, right, well you didn't say that. You said they said you'd had a lot of time off and it was you who told the new employer it was pregnancy related.

But you haven't seen the reference I guess, so you can't be sure what they said.

Yes, it's unlawful for them to mention what you were off sick with and it's unlawful for the new employer to discriminate on the grounds of pregnancy or pregnancy related issues. And you do have to trust them not to do this, like we have to trust everyone not to do things that are illegal.

But you really are conflating a number of things.

@MotherOfDragonite

VanGoghsDog is giving very unhelpful "advice" here. There is no obligation whatsoever to disclose absences from work for sick leave or for maternity leave.

Just remind me where I said that?

If they ask at an interview what you did in a role and you actually never worked in it because you were off sick or on leave, to do anything other than say you did not gain the experience would be lying. Are you suggesting someone should lie and say they did things and had experienced they did not?

I'm a bit surprised the recruiter didn't spot all this in the interview, they can't be very experienced interviewers. Just a few simple questions about the work in the role would have shown up that the op never did it.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/04/2019 22:31

Bess66. Why are you being so bitchy?

MotherOfDragonite · 06/04/2019 22:39

@VanGoghsDog You said "I have no idea what you've been reading bit of course you tell employers if you have gaps in your skills due to being off for a whole year."

And I said, in response to that, that no, there is no obligation whatsoever to disclose absences from work for sick leave or for maternity leave.

I think ACAS will be better placed to give the OP informed advice about this tbh.

unicornstore · 06/04/2019 22:49

@TheGrey1houndSpeaks I started work at 15, it's not unusual! I've worked consistently ever since.
Pay is crap at 15 though Grin

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 23:14

What an incredibly unhelpful contribution to the thread incredibly.

If you read all my posts on here you'd see I've tried to give OP advice too.

ConcealDontFeeI · 06/04/2019 23:31

Agreed @IncrediblySadToo.

Do you have a personal axe to grind Bess? The OP is clearly distressed and you're sticking the knife in awfully deep.

Crunchymum · 06/04/2019 23:38

@Dowser

Why did your son get suspended?

IncrediblySadToo · 06/04/2019 23:59

What an incredibly unhelpful contribution to the thread incredibly.If you read all my posts on here you'd see I've tried to give OP advice too

I have read the entire thread.

All you have done is tell the OP off as though she’s a naughty child, sniped and made very bitchy comments whilst clearly advanced searching her to drag her age into it, then question her further.

Well, not ‘just’ really as you’ve also been rude to other posters.

There’s just no need.

Wingedharpy · 07/04/2019 00:39

Could the issue be that it's now beome apparent to new employer that patient interaction (either face to face or on the phone) is the bit of experience that you are lacking most for your new role?
That's the sort of thing that can't really be taught - though, clearly different communication techniques could be covered in a training course - and is mainly developed through experience.

It may also be possible that the successful candidate was either you or Mary Bloggs and after discussion, they selected you.

Subsequent revelations may now mean that, in fact, Mary Bloggs would have been the most suitably qualified candidate.

In reality OP, they just want someone who will be able to get on with the job, do it well and who will be at work when they're supposed to be.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Bess66 · 07/04/2019 04:18

You've clearly not read all my posts, incredibly

And I only have limited sympathy for people who firstly try to cover up a lie using the law and then show little remorse and lots of defence.

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