Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry? I've even cried

293 replies

HelenOn · 03/04/2019 10:13

My new job, of which I'm suppose to start next week, have called to have a chat.

They wanted to ask why one of my references came back as 'Had a lot of time off sick' (not sure if old work gave dates).

I was off a lot for the majority of my time in that role (about a year) due to crippling Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). My spelling may be slightly off there.

Anyway, since it is completely pregnancy related, I didn't think they could mention it in a reference.

But it's been mentioned and new employer now sounds very sceptical. I tried to explain what it is and I got a very abrupt 'We know what HG is'.

I just don't know what to do Sad I really need/want this job and feel like crying. New job have said they're speaking to HR for a chat about it.

AIBU to be really angry at old work?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 05/04/2019 23:24

Trade unions are not just public sector, no. I work for a high street bank and we are very unionised.
I've worked for other private sector employers who had unions.

septembersunshine · 06/04/2019 11:27

Op, I feel so bad for you. I had this while at work and was signed off for a month at a time I was so ill. Its absolutly crippling. I was in hospital on a drip etc...so it was pretty bad.

My old job even made me go to occupational health to give me advice on returning to work. My manager was really under the impression it was some sort of dramatic regular morning sickness. She was also pregnant and didn't feel sick once. I tried so hard to explain HG and they never got it. I took a print out but I don't think it was ever read. I went in mat leave and never returned to that job.

I would go back to them possibly with an email explaining your previous record before the pg and clarify this was only a pg related sickness. It will not impact on your role now.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 11:34

Well it's all gone to the dogs, it really has.

The new manager wants me to come in next week and try to 'clear up and try to iron out' where I could have the necessary experience elsewhere etc.

But the biggest hurdle I think is now the reference from my recent temp role. This one hasn't got back to them. I've gone phoned and there is no answer. I've emailed and got no reply. I can't even find them online anymore.

What on earth do I even do? I don't feel like I can go to the office (if they're still there, sounds like they aren't), because unfortunately I was sexually harassed whilst working there. I feel unbearably uncomfortable going back in.

The new job's HR have made it very clear they have to use the two references I originally gave Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 11:36

september Sorry you suffered too Thanks

Lots of people close to me were similar and I felt worse because of it. It was maddening. Even a few midwives didn't understand and made comments like "Oh I had that, it was awful being sick in the first few weeks" Hmm

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 06/04/2019 11:38

I would get legal advice. If a private employer did this with pregnancy related sickness you can sue them - the law wouldn’t be different for the NHS

ContinuityError · 06/04/2019 11:43

Can you go through your previous roles and identify the specific skills that are required for the new job so that you can counter the new manager’s queries?

Maybe check Companies House to see if your previous company has been dissolved?

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 11:51

Con Yes that's a good idea Thanks I think it's very very easy to cover so I'm more than happy to go over it again.

I'm a bit confused as to why so much emphasis is being placed on all of this by the new employer. The job spec is simple and the role they're supposedly training me to do is covered entirely by full training that lasts 6 months!

I've had a look to see what's gone on with that old company. No evidence to suggest it has been dissolved or otherwise

OP posts:
moosesormeece · 06/04/2019 11:51

They are being weirdly inflexible about the reference. I've just had similar and they let me submit another reference instead. I offered to dig out old pay slips to prove I hadn't made the whole thing up but they were happy just to take details of a former colleague in another job. This was public sector so I assume this is a "by the book" HR response - they had no reason to go out of their way for me.

I wonder if HR are being cagey about it while they find out what your actual manager wants to do? Perhaps if you go in next week with a really clear explanation of where you've got all your relevant experience and convince her you'll be ok, they will suddenly see sense about the reference and let you put someone else down - or if she still isn't happy they might be planning to use the reference as an excuse to save themselves getting into a pregnancy-related argument.

Huge sympathy for you anyway, this is a shit situation and not at all your fault. If that one particular job was so important she should have asked about it in the interview!

Fcukthisshit · 06/04/2019 12:18

I had a similar situation once. To be honest, I ended up turning down the job when they questioned me before I started as i felt that they already felt badly towards me and therefore I wouldn’t get a fair chance.

I’m not surprised that you’re fuming. I’d give you old boss a call to discuss (once you’ve calmed down) .

ch3rrycola · 06/04/2019 12:24

Shame you're not in the position to tell them to stuff their job up their arse. Poor you OP what a nightmare.

SnapesGreasyHair · 06/04/2019 12:29

Sorry if I'm not fully understanding, but l don't see what the new employer has done wrong. The OP put down that she had experience in a job but it actually transpires she was off sick for most of it. She can't get a reference from another employer as they have gone AWOL.

Her new employer wants to speak to her about the situation, which sounds like they want to get it resolved.... when really they could have retracted as soon as they found out that your actual experience didn't match what you said you had

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 13:24

I imagine they’re placing so much emphasis on this because you’ve given them reason to suspect you’ve been untruthful on your application. Can you really not see how it looks?
One reference from a job you were barely on site for, and another from a company that appears to have disappeared from the face of the earth...
How recently did you work there, that it has now disappeared without trace?

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 06/04/2019 13:38

I'm wondering if they're thinking ahead as to what will happen if you get pregnant again.

They don't want to appoint for you to then get pregnant and be off with HG for 9 months and then on maternity leave.

Obviously they can't say that hence their vagueness

DanielRicciardosSmile · 06/04/2019 13:51

How relevant was the temp job to your new role? I know they're saying they must have that specific reference, but in the (to me, likely) event that the company no longer exists that's a bit like insisting on it snowing a week on Tuesday. Could you approach a previous employer and obtain a reference from them to take with you and explain that you were unaware but have since found that your most recent employer is no longer there.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 14:24

Daniel the temp role was the least relevant of all the jobs I've ever had, really. But it was still relevant.

My previous places of work would be even more relevant though. But they are insisting I get the reference back from that temp role since it's the one I named in the beginning.

Just had a lot on gov.uk and the company seems to still be active

OP posts:
Bess66 · 06/04/2019 14:25

I suspect you are angry because they've caught you out and you thought you'd get away with it because you were pregnant and could use that as the excuse.

Be honest, apologise and hopefully they'll give you the benefit of the doubt

Ginger1982 · 06/04/2019 14:32

Bess66 what? Don't be ridiculous.

Bess66 · 06/04/2019 14:33

Nothing ridiculous about it. OP doesn't deserve any sympathy. She should have been honest.

BoomTish · 06/04/2019 14:45

Sorry if I'm not fully understanding, but l don't see what the new employer has done wrong

Same.

There was an issue about the reference mentioning sick leave. That’s been clarified and has been taken care of.

The two issues remain:

  • OP’s experience is being called in to question, and she has admitted that her precious title and dates of employment may suggest she’s more experienced than she is.
  • She’s unable to provide a reference from her most recent employer. That’s a very basic requirement.
BoomTish · 06/04/2019 14:46

Previous title, not precious!

BigChocFrenzy · 06/04/2019 14:56

The OP has offered to get references from other employers

  • if the new employer won't accept this, then they are being deliberately inflexible
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 14:58

They suspect there’s a issue with these ones, that’s the point.

BoomTish · 06/04/2019 15:03

if the new employer won't accept this, then they are being deliberately inflexible

Or are sticking to their processes and getting suspicious.

Original poster
HelenOn · 06/04/2019 15:08

I honestly feel like screaming (but I won't).

My last employer promised a very good reference and I'm really cross and hurt that I can't even get in contact.

It would be okay if my previous employer to that didn't decide to tell that I'd been off sick with pregnancy related issues! It's hard to find out but I'm sure that is illegal since you can't disclose someone's health like that without consent.

Me being pregnant was not for them to reveal, was it?

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 06/04/2019 15:11

You are still spectacularly missing the point, op. You claimed to have experience that you did not, and they are now sceptical about your whole application.
You seem to be stuck on the “If only they hadn’t found out I’d have gotten away with it” track.
You’ve been rumbled.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread