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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this hen party request?

284 replies

HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:27

I’m due to go on a hen party next month, it’s DPs family member although we’re fairly close

The whole thing is a surprise for the hen so all of my info is coming via text from one of the bridesmaids who I’ve never met

I’ve recently been told that I’m to wear a specific colour, it’s a colour I don’t wear at all and I would have to go out and buy a whole new outfit for it, which I hadn’t originally planned to do plus it would literally be worn once so it feels like such a waste of money

The whole wedding plus stags and hens is already costing us a lot of money and this is yet another expense that we really can’t afford

WIBU to just say no, I’m not wearing that colour, but I’ll avoid being in pictures so as not to ruin them (which I’m fairly sure is the reason for the colour scheme?)

I’ve never met any of these people before, if I say no will they all hate me before I even get there??
Should I just suck it up and buy a new outfit?
I don’t want to be the awkward one who refused to join in
Confused

OP posts:
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donajimena · 02/04/2019 23:29

I wouldn't buy new either. I'd traipse around the charity shops or wear black with the colour in accessories. Also from a charity shop.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 23:29

Can you not just by a cheap t shirt or vest top in Primark for a couple of pounds and wear a skirt or jeans you already have?

iwantavuvezela · 02/04/2019 23:29

Can you get a scarf, a flower or some accessory in the "colour", and just wear that. Perhaps have a look in local charity shop ? I couldn't think of anything worse than having to buy an outfit that I would not want to wear again, it would be such a waste. But I would compromise by adding a touch of the colour.

OwlinaTree · 02/04/2019 23:30

What colour? Could you get something in Primark or borrow something?

Failing that maybe you'll be ill and unable to make it at the last minute, poor you. Wink

Dieu · 02/04/2019 23:32

It honestly does seem petty not to do it. And awkward and embarrassing not to be in the photos. You've come this far with the whole thing.
I would just pick up a cheap T-shirt and leggings (well, not the leggings as my legs are chubby) in the required colour. Or the T-shirt at least.

Pantsomime · 02/04/2019 23:32

Borrow or charity shop I’d say

Dieu · 02/04/2019 23:33

Oh, and Primark is your friend Smile

Somerville · 02/04/2019 23:33

I would buy something from a charity shop or borrow from a friend. Don't buy something new for one evening.

Once a friend marrying a Dutch guy had a theme of all wearing orange for the hen party. Hmm I borrowed a pashmina thing in orange and wore it with a white dress - I don't do orange.

reallybadinterview · 02/04/2019 23:34

Ah this is so you're all in say black and the bride is in white and she stands out. I'd buy something second hand or on eBay. What's the colour? Is it something hideous?

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/04/2019 23:36

Just get a cheap scarf as a PP says.

Or just day you can’t make it. I would never try to control my friends and family like this, it’s hatefully manipulative and rigid - just breeze above it.

Jupiters · 02/04/2019 23:37

What is the colour?

Like @reallybadinterview says I bet it's too make the bride stand out in the photos (like her in white, you all in black).

I'd really suggest charity shops or Primark... You'll probably feel out of place if you're the only one not dressed in the theme.

blackteasplease · 02/04/2019 23:37

I was going to say Primark too.

Original poster
HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:38

They’re really not the kind of crowd I could rock up in jeans and a primark t shirt in

I’m not sure about just wearing an accessory, I think the idea is all the ‘hens’ are in this colour and the bride will be in white, although I’ve looked through all my stuff and I literally don’t even have nail polish in this colour, but I’d much rather just buy a cheap bag or something and wear the black dress I’d planned to, maybe I’ll ask

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 02/04/2019 23:38

I need to know the colour too!

HeddaGarbled · 02/04/2019 23:38

Sorry, but I think you have to do it. Like you say, this will be the first time any of them meet you, apart from the bride, with whom you are close so you don’t want to create problems and mar her hen night. As PPs suggest above, there are ways of appearing to comply without spending too much.

feelingsinister · 02/04/2019 23:38

I think go to Primark or Asda and get something. It won't be much more expensive than charity shops and will take less time.

I hate being told what to wear but you're not going for the organisers, you're there for the bride who you like and probably doesn't know about the rule. Suck it up I reckon.

Original poster
HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:39

Sorry x post with some of you, yes the idea is that she’ll stand out from us all
I wish we all had to be in black though, I could definitely do black!

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 02/04/2019 23:39

We do need to know the colour!

Dieu · 02/04/2019 23:40

They wouldn't actually know it's Primark. Plenty of well-off folk do shop there too!

Original poster
HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:40

The colour is baby pink Confused

OP posts:
frenchonion · 02/04/2019 23:40

Charity shop

feelingsinister · 02/04/2019 23:41

Bit grim then. What's the plan for the day/night?

EC22 · 02/04/2019 23:41

Unreasonable and incredibly petty.

OVAgroundWOMBlingfree · 02/04/2019 23:41

Oh no, you’ve got a fever you say? And a sore throat! Oh dear.

SandyY2K · 02/04/2019 23:42

Either wear the colour or don't go, as you'll just seem as though you're being difficult.

Buy something cheap.

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