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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this hen party request?

284 replies

HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:27

I’m due to go on a hen party next month, it’s DPs family member although we’re fairly close

The whole thing is a surprise for the hen so all of my info is coming via text from one of the bridesmaids who I’ve never met

I’ve recently been told that I’m to wear a specific colour, it’s a colour I don’t wear at all and I would have to go out and buy a whole new outfit for it, which I hadn’t originally planned to do plus it would literally be worn once so it feels like such a waste of money

The whole wedding plus stags and hens is already costing us a lot of money and this is yet another expense that we really can’t afford

WIBU to just say no, I’m not wearing that colour, but I’ll avoid being in pictures so as not to ruin them (which I’m fairly sure is the reason for the colour scheme?)

I’ve never met any of these people before, if I say no will they all hate me before I even get there??
Should I just suck it up and buy a new outfit?
I don’t want to be the awkward one who refused to join in
Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Limpshade · 03/04/2019 00:41

Only on Mumsnet would someone suggest emailing the bridesmaid to effectively hold your attendance to ransom unless the dress code is changed. SHE'S ASKING YOU TO WEAR PINK FOR A FEW HOURS, NOT TO GET A TATTOO OF HER ON YOUR FACE.

PickAChew · 03/04/2019 00:41

That tacky asos dress is not selling baby pink to me!

Find a nice top or jacket in the right colour in a charity shop and wear it with black everything else. You can always wash and re-donate it.

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 00:45

It sounds like you’re not all that excited about going anyway, so maybe make an excuse and have a night in?

BackforGood · 03/04/2019 00:49

Hate the daft 'Only on Mumsnet' posts. Clearly, everyone on MN, also exists in their lives outside the internet Hmm

To me, the ridiculousness is someone trying to dictate what another person, no, a whole group of other people wears. I'm happy with a 'dress up to the nines' or 'relaxed' dress code or whatever, but you can't go around demanding people go out to buy stuff they will look and feel uncomfortable in.

BitOfFun · 03/04/2019 00:49

Wear black and add this, or similar. Job done.

giggly · 03/04/2019 00:56

A hen at work is having a similar theme. She seems to think it’s cool and quirky and sooo original while we are all like Hmm . Everybody and their granny is at it. Grin
Fuck sake weddings and their associated shit bugs my happiness.

LittlePaintBox · 03/04/2019 01:04

I went on my niece's hen last month and the colour scheme was pink. The younger guests (ie most of them) had all bought something specially, but the amount of pink in their outfits varied wildly. I had a floral pattern top on that had some pink in it if you looked carefully.

But I honestly wouldn't have missed the evening for the world. The bride to be was on a complete high, it was so lovely to see her so happy and excited, and now I'll know some of the main guests when I go to the wedding, including some of her in-laws-to-be.

Buy a scarf or a bag or some jewellery in the right colour and force yourself to go along - you might enjoy it!

SandAndSea · 03/04/2019 01:07

How about posting a help request on freebay? (Make sure the bride can't see it.) Lots of people like me throw out stuff all the time. You might get lucky.

NunoGoncalves · 03/04/2019 01:14

They’re really not the kind of crowd I could rock up in jeans and a primark t shirt in

What does that even mean? Wouldn't you rather turn up in a slightly cheaper outfit than her snob friends than turn up in the wrong colour when literally everyone else is wearing pink and you're that one person who had to be difficult about it?

ILikeyourHairyHands · 03/04/2019 01:25

I went on a hen weekend to a European capital where the MoH emailed us all with orders for what we were to wear each night. I told her to bugger off (politely), the bride couldnt have cared less that I demurred from the dictatorial dress-code.

Wear what you bloody like OP, I presume you're going because you and the bride are friends. I bloody hate 'group dress-up', fine if you're into it and want to do it but it should be absolutely fine to say no too without being declared a party-pooper.

RainbowMum11 · 03/04/2019 01:33

My DF had a red & white theme for her hen do - men& the other BM both had some denim but it was fine . Baby pink is a crap colour, who has stuff that colour in their wardrobe!?!!

Greeborising · 03/04/2019 01:36

Erm ......I’ve got a Pink Ladies jacket you’re welcome to borrow

Surfingtheweb · 03/04/2019 01:36

Go to Primark. It will be less drama & allow you to chill out & enjoy the hen & the build up. Hopefully she'll only get married once.

NameChange92 · 03/04/2019 01:38

Make a token effort like others have said. The last hen do I went on required pirate fancy dress. Most people wore a stripey top with their jeans. There were a couple of people with eye patches, and a couple of people who just completely ignored the theme. I can remember one person who was really dressed as a pirate.

The other thing you could do is send a message to the other hens, saying you don’t have anything baby pink, can’t afford to buy new and asking if anyone has anything you can borrow. That will show willing whilst making it clear you can’t afford it and help you to get an idea of how much effort others are putting in. If the organisers don’t reply that you don’t need to buy something you can’t afford, they’re jerks.

PotterHead1985 · 03/04/2019 01:44

Going to a hen this month. Has a clothing theme. Bride will be in a white t and black pants all us in black t and black pants. There will be something - no idea what - written on our t's in green. My biggest concern is what flipping shade of green I don't know as I need to accessorise so I don't show up looking like a flipping Christmas bauble!!

T shirts were bought by ourselves and we also each paid for the printing. It's a one wear jobby in technicality although I am looking at it as a new nightie!!!! Grin

curiousierandcouriser · 03/04/2019 03:21

I would just email the bridesmaid you have contact with and tell her this. You haven't budgeted / can't afford a whole new outfit of something you will only wear once. Would it be okay to wear black and a pashmina / something from Primark? Otherwise, you will just bow out if it would cause issues.

HennyPennyHorror · 03/04/2019 03:42

They’re really not the kind of crowd I could rock up in jeans and a primark t shirt in

Then fuck em!

Life's too short to please people who don't give a shit about you and who are driven by image.

Mog6840 · 03/04/2019 04:30

From the sounds of it you aren't really keen on going anyway and now are put out that you can't wear the black dress you had planned.
As far as hen do requests go it's not a lot to expect. Something can be bought cheaply or borrowed. It's not like they have asked for fancy dress or something.
Hen dos are all about the bride and I think its lovely when friends put effort in to make you feel special.
If you don't want to do it, don't go because you aren't willing to enter into the spirit of it.

StoppinBy · 03/04/2019 04:33

I would go for your black dress, baby pink wide ribbon for your waist and a matching hair ribbon etc, if you are happy to buy a matching bag I would do that too.

tinytemper66 · 03/04/2019 04:48

I bet on a hen recently- a girl from work. The boss said this is the colour scheme- I deliberately wore a different colour as I didn't want my boss to tell me what to do on a weekend!
But then I am petty. I wore black as in jeans and shoes but a different top!

TheStoic · 03/04/2019 05:01

Have you responded?

If not, you didn't get the text.

What are they going to do, turn you away?

BlackCatSleeping · 03/04/2019 05:20

I'd just buy a scarf and wear it with the black dress. It's annoying, but one of those things. Not worth getting upset about.

reallybadinterview · 03/04/2019 05:26

People are going to show up in so many varying shades of pink. Silly of them not to at least have picked black!

BunsOfAnarchy · 03/04/2019 05:29

I hate baby pink. Ill never wear it.
In this case id part with 6-8 quid and get a lovely flowy top from primark in baby pink. Its really not that hard....

BlackCatSleeping · 03/04/2019 05:32

Silly of them not to at least have picked black!

It would be a pretty odd hen party if all the hens turned up wearing black.