To buy a flat with no outside space with 2 kids - am I making a mistake??

[AliciaWhiskers]

Back story is that I split from my ex 3 years ago, the divorce came through last year and he bought me out of our marital home. I have been renting, and am now trying to buy somewhere.

I've got 2 boys who are 10 and 7. 10 year old has ASD and loves football, so at the moment he is outside a lot of the time playing football. Our current rental property has a large shared courtyard (concrete, rather than grass) where he does this. 7 year old prefers lego and playing inside, and is a bit of a nightmare to try and encourage outside.

I've found a place that I like (and the kids like), but it's a flat, in a very large complex (80+ flats), and with no outside space. The nearest park would be a 10 minute walk away. With 10 year old's ASD, I couldn't let him go there by himself at the moment, and it will be tricky to encourage 7 yo to come with us.

I love the flat, but the lack of outside space really worries me. I can't afford anything bigger (ie a small house with a garden) in the same area, so the alternative would be to look further out but be in the car more. This flat means we could walk to school/work/shops etc. Being able to walk to places is one of my main priorities - my mental health really suffers being reliant on a car to get everywhere.

AIBU to move from a rental place with some outside space, to somewhere with none? (If it makes any difference, their Dad's house, where they spend half of their time, is a huge 5 bed detached house with a big garden. This would be a 3 bed flat)

Help!!

Op they'll adjust....honestly they will. It's perfectly natural for you to have misgivings about it all but DS....he will find some other way of getting his energy out.

As I said earlier...bargain with the child who isn't into park trips and swap the activities about. If he enjoys going to the cafe for hot chocolate and cake...tell him "3 park trips with no complaints earns one cafe trip" or whatever it is he loves.

I think if it's in a place like London I don't see why not go for the flat? They're not young forever and it could prove very versatile if they want to live at home whilst in college or uni or come back to take a job in London.

I live in a place where you have to drive everywhere. I like driving, I have an automatic, but even though I do I find it a hassle sometimes. I'd hate having a long commute. It's also expensive and polluting and if you should become incapacitated and unable to drive, you'd need to move again anyhow.

For me it would depend on which flat and which house. How do they differ in size, cost, how long would commute be, how costly would commute be.

Are there mainly families living in the flats? Are your kids noisy? How much noise do you hear in both? My concern about a flat would be will neighbours complain about noise or be noisy? But the short commute is very attractive and you all like it plus can stay in current school.

If I was doing house I would change schools but you said you can't. My DS has changed schools and areas this year - he is ASD and he is only just settling in school but is fine now. Not something would do lightly but if there's an excellent school by a house to me would make sense to have them there. If they say live 30 mins from school they may not get many playdates.

I do think you generally always have to compromise on something, its just what.

Cross posted. If the kids are asking about moving into the flat I would go for it. I lived for years in a house with a garden in surburia of London and hated the commute.

Go for the flat.

You’re 10 year old will be st Secondary school in no time and will therefore be more autonomous. He can go to the park with his mates then.

You don’t use the garden for most of the year so it’s a bit of an expensive luxury.

Location. Location. Location!

I’m a city person though.

"It's wasted money, and the landlord won't move to a rolling contract so if I want to stay I have to sign up for another year."

"if I stay where I am, I'd be tied in for another year as I can't move to a rolling contract."

I assume you have an Assured Shorthold Tenancy (AST) which is standard for private rentals.

You do not have to sign up for another year. You do not need your landlord's permission to move to a periodic tenancy. A fixed term tenancy automatically becomes a periodic tenancy when the fixed term ends. If you refuse to sign a new fixed term tenancy for another year, your landlord can't do anything except start the long legal process of evicting you (which takes months).

There is a lot of useful information about this on the Shelter website. They also have web chat and a helpline if you want to talk it through with someone.

My advice is to stay where you are until you've found the right home to buy. Moving is costly and it's worth renting for a bit longer to make sure you're making the right decision.

FWIW outside space may not be essential for everyone but it sounds essential for your family.

(Oh and bloody well done for divorcing the bastard, btw!)

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/renewing_your_private_tenancy

I think I would go for it. It's really nice not to need to drive everywhere.
I would put the benefit of being able to walk rather than drive above the disadvantage of not having a garden.

If you like the area, the flat and feel it would be good for your well being that is worth a lot.

I would go for the flat too. The boys are at their tosspot dad's half the time, so it's only for half the week it'd be a problem.

The benefits of being able to walk to school and work are immense, and also not having to pay that horrific rent

@LipstickHandbagCoffee

I’d never buy a bungalow they’re aesthetically gross and usually surrounded by other fugly bungalow.

That's not even remotely true, and is actually a very catty and spiteful thing to say. Projecting much?!

I said I would prefer NOT to live in a flat and prefer a house with a garden, (as have many others on here,) but I wasn't horrible about flats, or people in them.

Very defensive about your living in a flat aren't you? If you were that happy and secure in your own choices, you wouldn't be so nasty and derogatory about other peoples choices.

Bungalows are massively sought after and always more valuable than a house of a similar size in a similar area. If there was 100 people looking for accommodation on a housing list, and they could choose a bungalow with a garden and driveway, or a FLAT, how many do you think would choose the flat? You could probably count on the fingers of one hand the amount who would choose the flat! You're deluded if you think people would choose a flat over a bungalow.

It really isn’t everyone dream,or aspiration to gave a garden garage and a drive.

It is more of a dream for most people than living in a flat is!

On the subject of driving v walking, could you compromise by cycling? You'd still have to navigate traffic but you would still be getting exercise so it would be better for your mental health than driving. Cycling is often quicker than driving where I live (another traffic-heavy city) and it's certainly quicker than walking. If the boys are confident cycling you could all cycle to school, but failing that you could still cycle to work.

It might not work but if it does it could broaden your search a bit in terms of locations.

Good god, someone always has be bring up the fucking cycle. Completely unsafe in a lot of places.

It's really not the end of the world to not have a garden or outdoor space with kids, even ASD ones. If it works for you all best, including yourself and your mental health, go for it!

A well-designed, modern city centre flat in a place like London could have huge advantages over some 1950s terrace in the 'burbs'.

Doll,you seem to be unclear on expressing opinion on architectural style
You also are v unclear on projection,it’s a psychodynamic theory with no relation to bungalows. It refers displacement of uncomfortable feelings as a defence mechanism

Back to bungalows It’s neither catty or spiteful,it’s an opinion on aesthetics that I can legitimately express
And fwiw bungalow aren’t popularly noted as being aesthetically pleasing.
I presume your of a fragile disposition if a bungalow being called ugly upsets you

How often in this country is it warm enough to sit outside in the evening with a glass of wine? Last summer in the south was unusual. Normally I manage 3 - 5 nights a year.

For 8 months of the year my lawn is too wet to play on.

For 6 months I can’t hang my washing out as it is too cold and damp.

Going against the grain here, I think inside space and walking to school is much better than smaller inside and a garden. I think it's entirely relevant that they spend 50% of the time in a large house with a garden (sounds grossly unfair divorce outcome). That, with walking to school and shops and playground time at school sounds like plenty of outside time. I would say walking to school is more important for my kids than how infrequently they use our small garden.

That's another consideration... if you hold out for somewhere with a garden, it sounds like it would be a very small garden. Not really suitable for football anyway. You could always sign him up to a football club if he isn't in one already.

Honestly, you need to think about longer term stability for you and DC. The flat sounds fine to me - it’s big enough for you and convenient for work and school.

You need to find something quickly to stop burning through your divorce settlement money.

Your DC can play outside at their dads. On the weekends you have them, going out for swimming or to the park won’t be that much of a hardship. Plus better for your younger son as you’ll be making the effort to get him out of the house as you’ll be aware there isn’t s garden option.

It will be a load off your mind to have your own place (and stop spending the maintence on renting) when you know you’ve given yourself, and DC, long term stability with your own home.

Flat 100%

Stable and a good location. Affordable.

The children aren’t that young any more - the ten year old will be getting more independent soon hopefully even with having ASD hopefully.

They are at their dads half the time with a garden so it’s not like you’ll have them for weeks and weeks at a time in the summer holidays with nowhere to go.

You want the flat and it makes sense. Good luck.

Buy the flat.

If it's unbearable (doubtful) you can think about moving again at a later date but atm August is round the corner and you need a plan.

At the moment you just need somewhere you will be happy and you can sort out the details later.

I lived in London for years,very few people have outdoor space ,it's seen as a real luxury.

I have brought up my 3 DC with no garden (well a tiny patio) in a city so I'm biased. But I see no issue with a flat. At 10, how many more years is your DS really likely to be playing out in the garden? Won't he be wanting to go out on his own before long? I think there are many other factors and the absence of a garden would not be a deal breaker for me.

Out of your list op option 2 or 4 sounds best to me.

I would say follow your heart, I personally could not with having 2 young boys, the outside space would be a must to ensure they can let off steam safely in their own garden. But you know your kids, if you will be happy and your boys will be go for it!

Hi OP

If I were you I'd keep looking, a flat with no outside space is not ideal at all

Children need space to get out and run around!