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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy a flat with no outside space with 2 kids - am I making a mistake??

263 replies

AliciaWhiskers · 02/04/2019 09:17

Back story is that I split from my ex 3 years ago, the divorce came through last year and he bought me out of our marital home. I have been renting, and am now trying to buy somewhere.

I've got 2 boys who are 10 and 7. 10 year old has ASD and loves football, so at the moment he is outside a lot of the time playing football. Our current rental property has a large shared courtyard (concrete, rather than grass) where he does this. 7 year old prefers lego and playing inside, and is a bit of a nightmare to try and encourage outside.

I've found a place that I like (and the kids like), but it's a flat, in a very large complex (80+ flats), and with no outside space. The nearest park would be a 10 minute walk away. With 10 year old's ASD, I couldn't let him go there by himself at the moment, and it will be tricky to encourage 7 yo to come with us.

I love the flat, but the lack of outside space really worries me. I can't afford anything bigger (ie a small house with a garden) in the same area, so the alternative would be to look further out but be in the car more. This flat means we could walk to school/work/shops etc. Being able to walk to places is one of my main priorities - my mental health really suffers being reliant on a car to get everywhere.

AIBU to move from a rental place with some outside space, to somewhere with none? (If it makes any difference, their Dad's house, where they spend half of their time, is a huge 5 bed detached house with a big garden. This would be a 3 bed flat)

Help!!

OP posts:
ginghamtablecloths · 02/04/2019 10:02

No I wouldn't. Outside space is essential for many of us. Even if you don't play sport it's good to get out on a summers day and feel the fresh air on your face - it raises your spirits.

With children it's a complete no-no. Keep looking OP, a better property is out there.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/04/2019 10:03

No way.

Rosti1981 · 02/04/2019 10:04

I'd say it totally depends on how willing and able you are to take them to the park and other outside spaces, and spend time hanging around outside while they play. Just because you have a garden doesn't mean your children use it, we've got a tiny garden but my kids don't go in it that much though occasionally I get them to plant something/do some gardening (but only little bits and when we lived in a flat it was manageable doing that on a balcony/windowsill). Current garden is not big enough to kick a ball around. However I'm happy to take them to green spaces and we live opposite a park, always walk or cycle to school etc. So for us it's fine and I'd fairly happily give up the garden if for some reason we had to! But not without alternate green space and a willingness to take them to it as much as possible!

Rosti1981 · 02/04/2019 10:06

I also think the idea about a garden of your own is quite culturally specific to Britain. How many kids actually use them? A decent park nearby can also serve the same purpose!

LillianGish · 02/04/2019 10:15

The very fact you have posted about this shows you are not happy with the idea. Are you in the UK? Have you see nothing with outside space? You need to weigh this up against the convenience of being able to walk everywhere - although if your son can’t go to the park on his own that’s not much help. How long until he can go on his own?

pumpkinpie01 · 02/04/2019 10:18

A definite no from me, I couldn't imagine not having a garden with kids, there is a difference between taking them to the park every day and you being at home getting on with tea, hoovering etc with the back door open and the kids amusing themselves outside.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/04/2019 10:20

Many on mn have a v limited And MC prism when discussing no garden.
On mn no garden is a deal breaker,no go etc.as if it equals environmental hell
For centuries families have lived in flats,tenement and had no outdoor space,it’s possible
A garden is nice but if you can’t afford it that will limit your choices

I wouldn’t remain renting because you cant afford a garden

Home77 · 02/04/2019 10:21

We live in a large flat with 3 beds, have two boys also aged 10 and 13.

I'm finding it Ok, but we do have a communal garden and the park nearby.

LuckyLou7 · 02/04/2019 10:22

Keep looking, don't even consider this flat as a future home. Imagine when the sun is shining and you have nowhere to dry your washing, nowhere to sit outside with a glass of wine and a good book on a summer evening, nowhere for storage of bikes and wellies - don't do it.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 02/04/2019 10:22

I live in a flat with no outdoor space and a 2 and a 4 year old. Yes sometimes I wish I could just sit and watch them in a garden BUT we go for walks or park or the beach everyday. We are fortunate where I live though that there is lots of fab outdoor places.

You work with what you have got

Home77 · 02/04/2019 10:22

TBH we rarely use the garden, especially now they are a bit older. It;s great to be city centre now they are older as can walk to school, park, cinema etc and not need lifts, safe walking everywhere as well. I'm feeling happier as time goes on with it.

endofthelinefinally · 02/04/2019 10:23

I think the 10 year old's ASD is a big factor.
I don't think he will cope without an outside space.
But you know your child best OP.

KOBr · 02/04/2019 10:25

Agree with others. Once you start living there you will regret it. I lived in a flat with no garden with a dog (not two children) with a park 2 minute walk away - drove me mad and got really depressed living there. I thought it would be manageable before we moved in - it isn't.

Keep looking and good luck Thanks

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/04/2019 10:25

Lou your criteria list is astonishingly blinkered if you think it’s a minimum baseline

dry your washing,
sit outside with a glass of wine and a good book on a summer evening, nowhere for storage of bikes and wellies
Really...great if one can afford all of above but definitely no,not all families have that list

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/04/2019 10:26

If money is tight is there any 1 bed garden flats for sale.

You could be on a bed settee and ds’s could share the bedroom.

I know a couple of families who started out like this.

Inliverpool1 · 02/04/2019 10:26

I lived in a flat for 6 months it was awful, downstairs banging on the ceiling at 10pm in the summer holidays because he was in bed, then waking us all up at 2am having loud sex 😳
Nice as pie to our faces

Karigan195 · 02/04/2019 10:28

Never in a month of Sunday’s would I choose to move to a place with no outside space. Your son who loves football will be effected badly. Don’t do it

whitechocolatefingers · 02/04/2019 10:29

I have two boys in a first floor flat and we are desperately trying to move to somewhere with outside space. My eldest just wants to be outside all the time and there's only so much time you can spend at the park. I wouldn't do it.

CookieBlue · 02/04/2019 10:30

Hi OP, try to see if you can find a maisonette in your budget. A lot come with their own gardens. We lived in one for four years (with a very small garden) and that was fine.

redwoodmazza · 02/04/2019 10:31

I think you need somewhere with outside space.

hobblingawayslowly · 02/04/2019 10:33

God why are people so weird about no garden. It's the norm for many of us in cities. I grew up in a two bed flat with three other siblings and no garden. We moved to a house with a garden when I was 11 and you know what - it wasn't that great. Barely used it for half the year and the other half I preferred to be at the park anyway.

All I hear from people with gardens is moaning about having to cut the lawn, do the gardening, bla bla bla.

We live in a first floor flat with our two year old and two cats. No garden. We're perfectly happy here. Three large parks all within walking distance and I fcking hate summer anyway - I have no desire to sit outside reading a book. And if I did I can do that in the bloody park anyway.

As for having nowhere to store wellies and bikes, we have a shed out front.

SoundofSilence · 02/04/2019 10:34

It would be a deal breaker for me. I think you need outside amenity space, even if it's just a concrete communal area like the one you have now. If the park was a stone's throw away, maybe.

Osquito · 02/04/2019 10:35

Have lived in a couple of flats with a child, but they all had either nice and safe communal grounds or a giant balcony... Sorry, I’m going to have to agree with most people and think you’ll likely regret this potential place.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 02/04/2019 10:35

I did it for a while but found it massively claustrophobic. I felt like a battery hen in a cage.

LuckyLou7 · 02/04/2019 10:35

@LipstickHandbagCoffee

You think that list is my only criteria for not considering a home with no outside space? I could write an essay on why I would never consider a place without a garden/access to outside space. However I won't bore anyone with it. I simply think the OP will regret it if she goes ahead and buys the flat.