To buy a flat with no outside space with 2 kids - am I making a mistake??

[AliciaWhiskers]

Back story is that I split from my ex 3 years ago, the divorce came through last year and he bought me out of our marital home. I have been renting, and am now trying to buy somewhere.

I've got 2 boys who are 10 and 7. 10 year old has ASD and loves football, so at the moment he is outside a lot of the time playing football. Our current rental property has a large shared courtyard (concrete, rather than grass) where he does this. 7 year old prefers lego and playing inside, and is a bit of a nightmare to try and encourage outside.

I've found a place that I like (and the kids like), but it's a flat, in a very large complex (80+ flats), and with no outside space. The nearest park would be a 10 minute walk away. With 10 year old's ASD, I couldn't let him go there by himself at the moment, and it will be tricky to encourage 7 yo to come with us.

I love the flat, but the lack of outside space really worries me. I can't afford anything bigger (ie a small house with a garden) in the same area, so the alternative would be to look further out but be in the car more. This flat means we could walk to school/work/shops etc. Being able to walk to places is one of my main priorities - my mental health really suffers being reliant on a car to get everywhere.

AIBU to move from a rental place with some outside space, to somewhere with none? (If it makes any difference, their Dad's house, where they spend half of their time, is a huge 5 bed detached house with a big garden. This would be a 3 bed flat)

Help!!

I wouldn't have done this, especially if you have other options.
Kids need space outside if possible, it's pretty dull not being able to play out, especially summer, spring and Autumn.

honestly, no I wouldnt. My ds doesnt have autism but loves football - I'm in a flat with 2 kids, but he is outside 24/7 as there is a big green opposite, and all the kids play there. it's brilliant for him. when it's raining, or there are no friends around I realise how lucky I am as I have to 'organise outings' to the park or whatever, as he has to be outside for a few hours a day or he goes stir crazy. Can you look for an apartment with an outside. I think you'd be making a big mistake. Especially as the kids are geting older and wanting to be out .

to be fair, kids need to be outside and laundry needs to dry in winter too!

It's really about your own lifestyle:
Some schools have plenty of after-school clubs on offer, and kids can run, do gymnastics, tennis, play football, rugby every day after class.
Others will go home and watch tv until diner ignoring their garden.

Being in a flat is not an issue at all by itself. It's how your organise your life.

My own kids don't really spend any day at home during holidays - either they are sent to various grand parents or aunties and uncles and friends when we work, or they go away with us when we don't. It would make no difference if we had a house or a flat on that aspect.

I have to say a house makes MY life easier, I don't think it's that much different for them.

I would. We bought a house with a big garden for our 3 children but they hardly used it. Depends on the children obviously.

The 3 bed flat sound nice. I like my garden but i dont use it for 6 months of the year as its cold and wet and dark. I think id hold out for a nice flat much closer to the park in your situation.

You have no parking at work, but is there on-street parking near the boys schools? That way you could drive them to school, park and then get your walk into work, for your health? An option?

It’s not a crime to have no garden it’s about location
My garden-less flat was on a main road, DC could not walk across it to the park as had no pedestrian crossing. I had problems with neighbour noise and my house was always festooned with washing. Nowhere to put bikes and bigger equipment, no shed, no loft - all those things added up to making me miserable generally.
I have a garden now and it’s not just for me I can have more visitors, I can put my washing there and I have a shed for storage. Sometimes those things matter to people and sometimes they don’t

I think uou probably need to do it and just all adjust.

In three years you've spent over 70 grand in rent. It's a shit ton of money. And you can't continue like this. There will come a point where you can't buy anything and are renting forever.

So I'd say bite the bullet.

@AliciaWhiskers

Don't do it!

I grew up in a big house - 4 bed, very roomy, massive garden (like front, back and side made a quarter acre.) It was one of the 1940's council houses like first pic.
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I absolutely loved it, all the room in the house, the huge attic, and the big garden where my dad put swings and slides and things to play on for us kids... I lived there til my early 20's when I moved into a flat with my boyfriend (now DH.) It was a cosy 1 bed on the top floor (3 storeys like 2nd pic.)

We loved having our own place, it was cheap, it had a secure tenancy (as it was housing association,) and it was close to the shops, bus stop, train station, and doctors etc.

However, after about a year, I started to realise I HATED having no garden. We didn't even have kids, OR pets. (Though I really wanted a cat or dog but the HA wouldn't allow it. Plus it was dangerous for cats as the block was on a B road!) But I still hated having no garden.

The more time wore on, and the more I visited my folks, DH's family, and our friends (who all had houses with gardens,) the more I hated not having one. Nowhere to sunbathe and chill with a book, nowhere private to hang my washing, (only 3 communal lines that you couldn't see from the flat windows,) nowhere to put my bike or tools etc, and nowhere to put a shed.

Also, we had to park our car 2-3 minutes walk away where we couldn't see it, on a public car park! I know these seem like trivial reasons to several people on here, but nothing is 'trivial' if it bothers you.

We bought a house (with a back garden AND a front garden, and a driveway and garage,) a couple of years after moving into our flat, and would never go back. As for people saying 'oooh, allright if you can afford it!' that's nonsense. In many areas, you can get a house for a similar price to a flat.

With children, there is no way in hell I would live in a flat if I had a choice. No, not even a ground floor one. Some G/F ones have a garden and somewhere to put things like a shed and your bikes and so on, but where I live, many people with G/F flats (who are renting) don't have their own individual, private back garden.(Or front!)

Seriously, don't do it. Not with 2 kids especially!!!

You’re eating into your savings £24k a year for three year £72k total.unsustainable
If prices rise in your area in a year you’ll afford less and have spent £24k
No financial return on the 72k you need to buy,to get stability and uplift from your purchase

So I’m afraid others being aghast at lack of garden doesn't in anyway help you
In a yr time you’ll have spent £96k and still not be a homeowner

I didn';t see the part about 24k a year! OP you must buy now! Don't waste your money!

If you’re set on outside space you’ll need to adjust your requirements to a price point you can afford eg
Less bedrooms,you sleep in living room
No office space,no mezzanine work on laptop in kitchen
Location further afield
If outside space is an absolute, something else has to give

I’m not sure everyone else handwringing about how they couldn’t be with out a garden is helpful. That’s them,not you
It’s neither here no there how others on mn feel about gardens,space for Wellies & bilkes. Because they aren’t haemorrhaging money

You are spending your savings on rent.your rent exceeds your salary

I haven’t RTFT but I have two DC and a flat, but it has a small outside space. Honestly, I wouldn’t buy somewhere ever with no outside space unless there was literally no alternative.

The money spent on rent (and solicitors fees!) makes me weep.

ExH made the divorce as difficult as possible, and I couldn't buy until the divorce was through, which took over 2 years.

I can't afford to keep renting, and my rental is up at the start of August.

So I don't have a huge number of choices.

The flat at least ticks the majority of boxes. Other stuff that is on the market now might have a garden, but would tick fewer boxes overall.

Good to know that some have made it work with no garden.

There would be the possibility of renting this place out in the future, if I wanted/needed to.

No. Never.

Get the flat OP. You'll have to work with your park-hating DC so that it's feasible for you all to go to the park. Maybe think of something he loves and when you go to the park, he then gets to do his thing next.

This isn’t a question to put to the mn mass as it doesn’t actually help your decision making that the majority have a knee jerk no
You’re haemorrhaging money.your rent exceeds your salary.youve spent £72k

So.
Sit down be really clear on what your price max is
Think carefully what can/will you be flexible about
Less bedrooms
Different locations
No office
Longer commute

If prices are rising and you sign on for another year rental you’ll have spend £94k. Nothing to show for it

And OP....when I've had to make difficult decisions, I've found that I keep weighing up the odds...checking and re-checking the facts.

And it doesn't help. Because some decisions are equally good and bad.

What you have to think is "Does it help me now?"

Will your life right now be better or worse if you take the flat?

The big picture says better.

Why don't you stop renting the expensive house and rent a flat with no outdoor space to see how you find it?

Queue I'm sure she wants to minimise moves and upheaval for her children.

when I've had to make difficult decisions, I've found that I keep weighing up the odds...checking and re-checking the facts.

HennyPennyHorror thanks, that is helpful. I'll give that a try

Why don't you stop renting the expensive house and rent a flat with no outdoor space to see how you find it?

I don't want to keep moving the kids around. I want to provide stability for them. I understand what you mean, but I don't think that would be what I want to do

Outside space is essential.

Could you look at 2 bed instead of 3

Outside space isn’t essential it’s a preference.
And yes op needs to decide how she accommodate that preference
Less bedrooms,different location,longer commute,no office for outside space
Or the flat with bedrooms,office and mezzanine
I’d suggest write down all preferences and rank them

Mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes! You’ll be fine in a flat. It suits you for schooling, work and living purposes. You can find an alternative outdoor space for your DS.

I’ve managed to dry laundry inside without a tumble drier for 10 years. I have a garden but because I can’t lift wet washing down steps I don’t take it outside (mobility issues). I use a heated airer which is brilliant and the windows are opened while the washing dries.

I don't mean you SHOULD keep weighing up the facts OP. It will drive you potty.

I mean you should look at how your life would improve if you bought the flat...and how it would improve if you didn't.