To buy a flat with no outside space with 2 kids - am I making a mistake??

[AliciaWhiskers]

Back story is that I split from my ex 3 years ago, the divorce came through last year and he bought me out of our marital home. I have been renting, and am now trying to buy somewhere.

I've got 2 boys who are 10 and 7. 10 year old has ASD and loves football, so at the moment he is outside a lot of the time playing football. Our current rental property has a large shared courtyard (concrete, rather than grass) where he does this. 7 year old prefers lego and playing inside, and is a bit of a nightmare to try and encourage outside.

I've found a place that I like (and the kids like), but it's a flat, in a very large complex (80+ flats), and with no outside space. The nearest park would be a 10 minute walk away. With 10 year old's ASD, I couldn't let him go there by himself at the moment, and it will be tricky to encourage 7 yo to come with us.

I love the flat, but the lack of outside space really worries me. I can't afford anything bigger (ie a small house with a garden) in the same area, so the alternative would be to look further out but be in the car more. This flat means we could walk to school/work/shops etc. Being able to walk to places is one of my main priorities - my mental health really suffers being reliant on a car to get everywhere.

AIBU to move from a rental place with some outside space, to somewhere with none? (If it makes any difference, their Dad's house, where they spend half of their time, is a huge 5 bed detached house with a big garden. This would be a 3 bed flat)

Help!!

I'm all for lists HennyPennyPotty - I find them helpful.

And yes to ranking/prioritising what's important.

When we moved into what is now ExH's home, despite moving from a small house with a courtyard garden to a big house with a big garden, I hated it, because it meant having to be in the car to get everywhere.

For me, being in the car drives me insane.

However, it's not just me. It's the kids too. So do I factor what is a priority to them as well, or just me?

A Child with sn who likes to kick a ball About /have outdoor space would Be top of my list

So yes essential.

Esp as younger son isnt so keen so would have to be dragged out each day to park /have a kick About

Tbh that's really a non question.

Of course you factor in your children.

Like a pp said could you not drive to school then walk from school to work?

So if you don’t have a purchase by July/August you’ll need to continue renting?is that right
If you do buy You need to be looking now with a view to a quick move because you’re chain free
Your rental costs exceed your salary.that is unsustainable

There is limited value in seeking other folk opinion on this,they're not in your difficult financial situation
Others with an emphatic need for outdoor space may well have the means to get their space
You don’t have the means for a 3 bedder with office and outdoor space
You do have the means for smaller and outdoor space

Like a pp said could you not drive to school then walk from school to work?

All parking around school is resident parking zone, so I can't do that.

So if you don’t have a purchase by July/August you’ll need to continue renting?is that right

Yes, that's right. And, at least if I stay where I am, I'd be tied in for another year as I can't move to a rolling contract.

Ok so with that in mind what’s your plan.Move or stay put another year?

OP in your circumstances I would buy it, and accept that I needed to prioritise supervised walks to the park for a couple of years. Still better than hemorrhaging money, and in 5 years time won't be an issue.

I would have a good look at what there is to do locally, I like the David Lloyd suggestion if you can afford it. Your kids might be able to do different things at the same time, maybe while you swim or sit in the bar!

As others have said, you need to prioritise what you do. Other options, depending on neighbours and what floor you're on is something like a trampette to bounce on inside? Or can you do something energetic on the way home from school (do you, or can you, walk near a park?). The 7yo will have to come with you but potentially some bribery might work to make that more pleasant.

The flat sounds lovely and I don't think it's a straight up no from me. I think you need to determine whether the location offsets the loss of courtyard, especially in relation to your DS with ASD.

We manage with two boys in the flat as the primary school has wonderful park just outside so go on the way home every day...it depends it is all swings and roundabouts...

- It's the first place out of about 50 properties that I've viewed that I actually like and could imagine us living This stands out for me - and also the fact that your son loves the flat. Your list of plus points is very compelling - especially proximity to schools and work. Your son won’t be 10 forever - life moves on so fast at that stage. Maybe you’ll all have to get out a bit to start with, or maybe you’ll join a sports club - whatever, you’ll have the great consolation of knowing you are going back to your own place and that you love it. I know from experience that you will never tick all the boxes on a property purchase, but it sounds like this flat ticks a lot. I disagree with those who say move farther out to get more space - as your children get older being able to get around independently counts for a lot (I don’t know anything about your son’s condition except that you say he loves the flat) and ultimately you will be happier knowing you don’t have to get in a car every time you want to go somewhere. More importantly you will have an appreciating asset instead of money flowing out of your settlement. for you Alicia - I have huge admiration for what you are doing.

David Lloyd have got a trial offer on at the moment £16 for 14 days. It worked very well there for us - need to use it 3 times per week - kids were about £30 a month but could get 10 hours of after school clubs a week, playcentre, pool, outdoor pool and tennis, kids computers for that. Adults were more about £80 a month - I was by London - you get gym, pool, outdoor pool, spa, towels, aerobics for that. Half our primary used to do the three months over the summer offer. Quite a few ASD kids there - was good for them as mine couldn't do a playdate but could socialise with computers and playcentre and clubs and did swimming with me. Probably others things like it too - they also do holiday clubs and excellent kids meals. It's great when you can get them both in a club and go to pool / spa too.

You could get him a soft foam ball to play with inside perhaps,, also do the clubs idea. It can work-

No . Just stay in the rental until you can afford a proper place to live.

That's so rude- a 'proper place to live'.

I just asked my sons about how they feel about living in our flat and they told me, we like it bakes it feels like home. and we like living in town and being able to walk places and to school.

They say they prefer it to the houses nearby (in hilly city so small gardens anyway).

I think sometimes people on here can be quite rude about other people's homes.

Wow! So any place but the traditional house with garden isn't a 'proper place to live'? My nephews and niece grew up in a tenement flat in Edinburgh, second floor with OMG!!! NO GARDEN! One's a lawyer, one's an architect and the girl's just off to uni this August. Need to tell SIL she didn't give them a proper place to live.

But in fairness no good will come of asking mn do I need outside space?
It’s a resounding and knee jerk yes. As if anything else is positively Dickensian
In mn world all the dp are top of their game high earners and one it’s essential to have a garden,wellie cupboard,bike space,somewhere for the hockey sticks

Meanwhile, in RL people can and do live in tenements,mansion flats,high rise and conversions with no problems

Very true, Lipstick. 'Where will you dry your clothes, OMG!' There are these things called dryers. They're an amazing invention.

Think the David Lloyd idea is great!

to be fair the subject of the thread was originally:
move to flat or stay house with garden/ outdoor space.

You can also put a family of 5 in a studio flat at the top of a 28storey tower, they'll manage very well, but it doesn't mean it's ideal.

op is haemorrhaging money,her £24k annual rent exceeeds her salary.
shes paid £72k renting already If she doesn’t move by August she’ll pay another £24k
This is simply more than outside space. It’s not sustainable to haemorrhage money like this

I have a huge garden - dont think i stepped foot in it last year.
Buying a flat vs renting - buy the flat

LipstickHandbagCoffee
I don't necessarily disagree with you, but the financial aspect wasn't in the OP at all.

The original question was not simply if it was possible to live in a flat with kids (which I have done personally and it was fine for mine then!)

The flat sounds unsuitable and likely to lead to frustrated DCs in conflict. It’s possible to adjust your attitude to driving IME. I have MH issues and dislike driving and commuting, but it’s manageable, I do things to get exercise in other ways, eg a walk just by myself when possible, streaming classes from YouTube.

Yes, just what the country needs, more air pollution because OMG, no one can live without a garden!

thatdisorganisedmum Correct,op elaborated on finances as thread progressed