To buy a flat with no outside space with 2 kids - am I making a mistake??

[AliciaWhiskers]

Back story is that I split from my ex 3 years ago, the divorce came through last year and he bought me out of our marital home. I have been renting, and am now trying to buy somewhere.

I've got 2 boys who are 10 and 7. 10 year old has ASD and loves football, so at the moment he is outside a lot of the time playing football. Our current rental property has a large shared courtyard (concrete, rather than grass) where he does this. 7 year old prefers lego and playing inside, and is a bit of a nightmare to try and encourage outside.

I've found a place that I like (and the kids like), but it's a flat, in a very large complex (80+ flats), and with no outside space. The nearest park would be a 10 minute walk away. With 10 year old's ASD, I couldn't let him go there by himself at the moment, and it will be tricky to encourage 7 yo to come with us.

I love the flat, but the lack of outside space really worries me. I can't afford anything bigger (ie a small house with a garden) in the same area, so the alternative would be to look further out but be in the car more. This flat means we could walk to school/work/shops etc. Being able to walk to places is one of my main priorities - my mental health really suffers being reliant on a car to get everywhere.

AIBU to move from a rental place with some outside space, to somewhere with none? (If it makes any difference, their Dad's house, where they spend half of their time, is a huge 5 bed detached house with a big garden. This would be a 3 bed flat)

Help!!

It's very easy to dismiss or underestimated the impact of something apparently simple can have on on the lives and wellbeing of children with an ASD.

Yes, I know. My 10-year-old son has ASD.

So further afield ans house /garden and you driving more means your mh

V

A flat where ds cant just go and kick a ball anytime he wants without dragging all of you our - so possibly de mh

agree cycling to work may be an option

I would rent a smaller place while looking for that right forever home

You say you don’t want to have to move twice and disrupt twice

But that makes more sense then renting £2k a month

Part of the problem is that where we are st the moment is so great. DS can go out and play football whenever, because it’s on concrete. He doesn’t much like getting wet, particularly his feet, and so playing football on wet grass isn’t very enjoyable for him. We are never going to find anywhere like where we are now, that has a huge concrete courtyard, perfect for his needs! I’ll talk to him about it again and see what his thoughts are, making it explicit that living in the flat would mean not being able to go out and play football whenever he wants.

As an aside would a punch bag help? We have one of those little ones like a ball on a stick for son with ASD. It gives that repetitive feedback and its indoors. Might be a stupid idea if its feet he needs the feedback from.

grasspigeons love the punchbag idea. DS2 would also love that (would improve his Tae kwondo too!). Thanks for the suggestion

AliciaWhiskers going to a cafe every time or even a few times per week can start adding up.

Have you considered smaller in door space with a garden instead of the other way round.

Whether it is 15 or 10 or 3 minutes walk anywhere you still have to get 2 children and yourself ready to go out each and every time.

As an update to this, eventually I realised that the lack of outside space really wouldn't work for us, and I pulled out of the purchase. I felt utterly shit doing it, but on the other hand I couldn't buy a house that wouldn't suit us just because I felt bad for pulling out of a sale.

I have found another house that we like - with a garden, garage, more space, close to a large green area. All good. EXCEPT - we would have to drive/get the bus to school, and it was my dream that the kids would be able to walk to school.

However, I've got 2.5 months left on my rental, with no idea if I can extend it (the agent haven't got back to me despite 3 x attempts to chase it up), and I would have to renew for another year as my landlord won't move onto a rolling month by month contract.

I am worried I'm in the same position - compromising on location for a better house (last time it was compromising on outside space for a better location).

I am the world's worst decision maker and all this is driving me slightly loopy!

I was thinking of this post at half term when we went to Bristol and got a boat taxi from temple meads past all the flats on way to the science museum, thinking how fab it was. I hope you get a good place soon.

Could you maybe try visiting a flat for a weekend to see how it went in practice perhaps. good luck.

PS I am a pp (changed name) living in bath in a top floor flat with 2 DC, it is fine, we walk to school. (i can't drive) and the school has lots of green space. and near the park also. It got easier as they got older. Mine don;t have ASD but are two boys and like to run about.

Look, you're going to have to compromise somewhere, and if this place means more driving then so be it. If there are buses then that's good too, means you're not tied to the car.

Please please don't piss any more of your money down the drain on rent - you really need some stability and it sounds like another year of renting will leave you unable to buy anywhere at all.

Houses can always be sold again but once your lump sum has gone, that's it. You might have to just bite the bullet.

Have read your update OP. I suspect you did the right thing pulling out of the flat. I don't know who it was up thread that suggested installing a basket ball hoop in the prospective flat but they have clearly never lived in an apartment - you just can't do that to downstairs neighbours! Keep looking - the right place IS out there. Is there absolutely no way that the landlord will give you a very short extension on your current rental?

I see you have pulled out now but I have two footballers in a small flat! I spend a lot of time accompanying them to a park which makes it do-able if a bit of a pita.

Nowisthemonth yes, it's on a decent bus route to school, and on sunny days we may be able to cycle once DS2 gets a bit older (he isn't reliable enough at the moment to safely cycle)

Lovetunnocks when I've asked before for a short extension/rollinw contract before he has said no. It's because the rental starts at the start of August, and his argument is that's best for families who have children who would start school in the September. I get his argument - bit shit for us though!