Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think teacher and possibly school way out of line and WWYD?

339 replies

AstoundedandConfounded · 01/04/2019 10:57

Name changed in case I somehow out myself!

I was mistakenly sent an email by a teacher from DS's school, which said about me "Don't you just wish you could tell her to piss off. It's clear where DS gets it from."

Just to clarify DS is in 6th form and I've emailed the school 3 times in his 6 years, so I'm not an annoying helicopter mother.

I am not happy about any of this, to say the least. I've been in touch with the head, shared the email and said I want to discuss it and received an apology back.

I have a meeting set up for this Thursday and am struggling to know how best to handle it. The issue I originally emailed in about was handled so badly that I think that is still my priority but I'm really hacked off that teachers are bad mouthing me and my DS (who is a good pupil) in emails.

WWYD?

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 01/04/2019 16:52

@Teateaandmoretea, I do hope you end up teaching one of mine. You sound like you're both sane, and possessed of a good sense of humour. Definite bonuses on both fronts.

(I agree that the horror of realising what she'd done will be preying on the sender, as we all post. Not a good evening for them!)

Teateaandmoretea · 01/04/2019 16:55

Unlikely I left teaching years ago Grin

perfectstorm · 01/04/2019 16:56

Aww, that's a kicker! But your post made me smile, and it's a rough old week here, so thanks anyway!

titchy · 01/04/2019 17:01

Maybe you could suggest the sender of the email delivers a training session to colleagues on electronic communication and subject access requests/GDPR Wink

cricketballs3 · 01/04/2019 17:07

A PP asked if it was definitely from school and not an email address made for April fool joke which hasn't been answered as I know that there is no way "pissed" would get through our email filtering so wouldn't get have sent, but sender sent immediate message stating it was blocked and it would flag upto IT/safeguarding deputy

Original poster
AstoundedandConfounded · 01/04/2019 17:12

cricketballs3 the emails happened last Friday, so I don't think it was an April Fool's joke. I got two recall messages as well and the Head has already apologised on behalf of the school when I was invited to meet to discuss matters on Thursday. Sounds like they need to tighten up their email filtering!

OP posts:
CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:13

Op - what was the full email trail? Was it your original email being forwarded on?
Also - what was the issue you were emailing about?

That would form my view on whether you're U or not. Was it a wordy argumentative solicitor speak email?

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:14

When dealing with clients, we often bitch about them between ourselves, but we're not thick enough to put those sentiments in writing. In writing you would think we thought you were our only much valued client!

Original poster
AstoundedandConfounded · 01/04/2019 17:15

CosISaid I'm not sure I can face having my emails analysed on here to see if they were "wordy, argumentative solicitor speak"!!!! I'll have to let you draw your own conclusion on the evidence to date and appreciate that this may make you think I am being U!

OP posts:
CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:19

I'll give you one e.g. which you might appreciate given your profession. This rather annoying client wanted us to negotiate T&C's rather than accept our standard T&C's - this as you might well appreciate would involve quite a while in reading through theirs and objecting to certain clauses. I was the one communicating with the client and they kept coming back again - contract was £600. On the 5th email, I finally went to our director again and he was like 'Oh fucking hell - is this the ones who want war and peace for a measly few quid deal?' The entire office got in on the bitching lol. (We didn't negotiate the terms in the end Wink)

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:20

So yes, you're probably a pain in the arse in their eyes, but they shouldn't have put it in writing. Obs.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:22

Particularly(!) given that I presume they know your profession lol. Double whammy right there. I expect the sender is shitting herself right now. - Go easy on her. Wink

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:26

Though, depending on how sadistic you are, you could have a lot of fun watching them go pale as you threaten all sorts of made up legal actions you could take against them haha. I would for the craic. Then just go 'JOKING!!!' And they will kiss your ass forever more. Haha

Original poster
AstoundedandConfounded · 01/04/2019 17:30

The original issue was complex but basically boils down to DS being bullied and the school not doing what it should have done. I thought if I put that at the start of the post, I'd get a specific type of feedback, which I didn't really want to get into.

I feel confident about where I stand on the bullying issue, the school has clear policies and they haven't been adhered to. I can deal with all of that.

What I wasn't sure about was how to tackle the email accidentally sent to me, whether I should, did it matter and so on. I'm still hacked off about it, but the thread has been really helpful as I've got some dispassionate & objective input. Even the ones thinking my DS is a PITA are useful because it helps me see how he may be perceived, even if I disagree! Grin

OP posts:
Faultymain5 · 01/04/2019 17:32

@acciocat Because I find it odd that you assume being a single parent and not being religious might be reasons for the staff taking a dislike to your ds and you.

Why? I don't like church schools and don't want my children to go to them. My DD got into a church school (that we did not apply for) and we have promptly moved her to a schoo even further away without those kinds of values. If I'm anti-religion (though very spiritual, I know a contradiction) is there any reason why a pro-religious environment would not be sending out vibes of a negative nature to less religious families?

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:37

Well, the unfortunate email gives you significant bargaining power - I'd be expecting them to kiss ass. If they don't, go with my sadistic option mentioned above.
Hope your ds is good now - pain in the ass though he may be! (I'm sure he's lovely, if a little bit irritating as all teens are).

Original poster
AstoundedandConfounded · 01/04/2019 17:41

CosISaid I'm definitely aiming for some ass kissing! I think MN needs a suitable emoticon.

Not 100% sure I've got to the bottom of the original issue yet, but that I do know I can handle

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 01/04/2019 17:41

fine for teachers to think all sorts about their pupils and their parents inside their heads, verbalising such thoughts to another teacher indicates a culture at the school which needs to be addressed.

I think you’re in Lalaland writing that. Writing an email about it is dumb, never write anything you don’t want seen by a 3rd party, but if you think teachers don’t go ranting about some parents, you’re dreaming. The amount of ranting on here from parents is sometimes massive! Teachers also rant, but normally more discretely.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:43

Actually, given your disclosure that this was their response to you raising concerns about them not following their own procedures when your son was being bullied, I'd actually probably go in all guns blazing. It is clear that they don't view their own anti-bullying procedures with much respect. And an appalling attitude to be held among two members of staff most responsible for implementing it I would assume.

I think I'd give it with both barrels.

Bobbybobbins · 01/04/2019 17:49

I think this is absolutely outrageous (I am a teacher).

I am surprised at posters who are minimising or excusing this - how would you feel if someone had sent an email like this about you that you had accidentally received?

Part of a teacher's job, and even more so at SLT level is to be able to manage students' views, surely?

One point I would make is - the school will be part of his UCAS application and I would seek that this view of your son will not be reflected in his reference!

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:49

That it was about a bullying issue changes everything OP, particularly given the roles of the two gossipers.

If dd was bullied and her school didn't follow their own procedures and I complained, I would be absolutely livid to then realise that that was how they were talking about both me and my dd, as that in itself is a form of bullying and I wouldn't be one bit surprised that the culture allowed the bullying to occur in the first place.

I wasn't terribly engaged in the thread as you've been deliberately vague, but I'm now annoyed on your behalf when I put myself in your shoes.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2019 17:54

Bullying? That sounds even worse now! Though, and I am really not trying to deflect anything here, that email sounds as though they think something else was happening, rather than him being bullied.

Which takes me back to my first suggestion - the email can wait / be put on the back burner (though I have another plan for it... later)

What you want to know is:
Why they have not followed their own procedures. Take a copy of their policy in with you, have highlighted what they should have done

What is it about the bullying incident/s that they are not willing to folow through on? Reiterating why are they not following their on procedures?

And if you don't get a decent answer, an explanation of why they haven't treated the incident/s as bullying THEN you can go back to the email... is that indicative of institutionalised bullying?

But it does depend on what is said about the original incident!

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 17:54

Actually, I'd be asking what disciplinary procedure they have for their staff, as the sender should surely not be in the role they have. They have no regard for their own bullying policies, no respect for their students and no respect for their parents. Not good.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2019 17:57

You have to hold fire on that though CIos. OP has to absolutely ascertain that they have disregarded their own policy. There is a chance that something else is deemed to have happened. Something they might not be able to fully report, safeguarding issues and all that!

Once OP knows what she is actually dealing with THEN she can lock and load!

puppy23 · 01/04/2019 17:57

That shows a real lack of care and respect towards you both - I'd be disgusted.