AIBU to think teacher and possibly school way out of line and WWYD?

[AstoundedandConfounded]

Name changed in case I somehow out myself!

I was mistakenly sent an email by a teacher from DS's school, which said about me "Don't you just wish you could tell her to piss off. It's clear where DS gets it from."

Just to clarify DS is in 6th form and I've emailed the school 3 times in his 6 years, so I'm not an annoying helicopter mother.

I am not happy about any of this, to say the least. I've been in touch with the head, shared the email and said I want to discuss it and received an apology back.

I have a meeting set up for this Thursday and am struggling to know how best to handle it. The issue I originally emailed in about was handled so badly that I think that is still my priority but I'm really hacked off that teachers are bad mouthing me and my DS (who is a good pupil) in emails.

WWYD?

Hi Op
good luck tomorrow and fwiw if we had a like button (I don't really want one) I would have liked your last post a great deal!

I would put in a Freedom of Information request for all correspondence and files relating to you and your son. It’s appallingly unprofessional and incidentally I’m wondering if there has been a breach of GDPR regulations.

I agree fully with Twowilldo50 and LuluJakey1. Having been HoY and HoSF for many years, it is drilled into us that we put NOTHING in emails that we wouldn't email out - if a request is made, every piece of written info about that student must be provided. For this email to have been written as it was, there sounds like an email trail. I'd want to see that.

In my role, I've been frustrated by parents and students but I get students want their own way and feel school is always telling them off while parents hear their side first and naturally defend them child. It is because I can navigate these conversations and move on without holding a grudge that meant I got promoted. THAT is what a good HoY should do.

I would not ignore the email. It wouldn't be the main focus of the meeting but I'd want a full investigation into what resulted in those comments.

As HoSF, I wrote references. Initial writing was done by tutors then I pulled them into what was expected by school. Nothing negative was allowed - only by omission. Not only was it not allowed, I would be started on capability procedures as I was not completing my role. You have every right to be angry and pissed off. I know I would be and if school try to dismiss any of your concerns, either about the bullying or the content of the email, I would take this further.

Good luck

I’m wondering if there has been a breach of GDPR regulations. How? An email with only embarrassing to the send info has been sent to the wrong person.

GDPR is not the stick many people seem to think it is!

And an FOI request is, at this point at least, a totally out of proportion act! Maybe after the meeting. Again OP needs a bit more information on how the HoD is treating both incidents to be able to fully lock and load.

Regardless of my disagreing with some of her attitude I can only support her in her meeting tomorrow. Something is amiss, the more specific info she has the better.

Scubadive

Of course, I'll help wherever I can.

BJM.

Good luck tomorrow! Please keep us posted. You’re right about assumptions, people do it ALL the time, especially on Aibu but I think it’s human nature - I have to fight it as a counsellor. It’s one of the first things you learn. Don’t make assumptions / even if you have been in a similar situation you STILL don’t know how someone feels etc. Etc. And since you mentioned psychology I thought it might be interesting to think about Freud’s theory...... there are no mistakes, the teacher wanted to tell you to piss off 😂🤭

Very late to the party. Want to wish you good luck in the meeting.

I’m really surprised at the number of responses saying that your son is clearly disruptive, and a PITA. I don’t see any proof of that whatsoever. We could infer he challenges the school’s policies and ethos, sure! People seem to be assuming that the way DS conveys his opinions is to blame here. After all, it’s utterly inconceivable to think a teacher would be anything other than receptive if he were polite! [insert as much sarcasm as you can muster]. We’ve been told the school is very traditional and very CoE. This isn’t the type of institution normally at the forefront of progressive thinking!

Simply put, people who can effect change don’t always enjoy being challenged.

It sounds as though you’re raising a very thoughtful and considerate man, OP. Good luck again, hope it goes well.

@AstoundedandConfounded

The issue I'm trying to get to the bottom of now, is how it went on for so long and address all the failures of school policy that should have protected everyone along the way

That is actually a fairly easy question to answer (IMO).
Its because everyone has rights and the school is not always the best place to sort out these issues whilst juggling them.

People often forget that schools don't have a huge amount of legal standing when it comes to sorting out the issue of bullying and that is bullying that happens within the school premises.

If (as seems to have happened in your DS's case) that it has included adults outside of school (an assumption on my part) the school can do even less.

And did you know that if the police become involved it makes it even more difficult to deal with in school.

CuriousaboutSamphire Gdpr regulations says that sending emails containing personally identifiable information to the wrong person is a breach. The correct procedure is for the person to then contact the GDPR manager (probably doesn’t want to and just wants to cover it up) and then to email the OP apologising and asking her to permanently delete the email and confirm this in writing. The GDPR manager must then log the incident.

if a request is made, every piece of written info about that student must be provided
Out of curiosity, how would anyone know if people were just deleting any emails that didn't make them look good instead of providing them?

Gdpr regulations says that sending emails containing personally identifiable information to the wrong person is a breach. You can't 'out' yourself though! Whilst it is reportable it won't generate a fine via the ICO, they aren't that petty. They prefer to use their powers for proper breaches.

Very positive meeting with the Head.

He was very apologetic about everything.

He asked if I wanted to know how he would be dealing with the members of staff who were involved in the email exchange and I said that was his responsibility and I didn't need to know. I did say that I had lost confidence in their ability to deal with DS fairly and impartially, so I didn't want them to be involved with his UCAS reference and that if there were any issues regarding him that another member of staff was to raise them with me, rather than the Head of 6th. He has agreed and the Deputy will act as DS's head of year for the remainder of this year and next year.

With regard to the bigger policy issues, again he was apologetic and said that he and the Deputy Head were working their way through the relevant policies, following what had happened and all their procedures and that they were putting together a point by point action plan to address the failings and try to ensure that nothing like it ever happened again. He said they would both be working on it over Easter and he invited me to go back in again in 4 weeks time so that he can update me on their progress.

At the end of the meeting, he volunteered that at no point in DS's school attendance had any member of staff brought to his attention any issue with him and that having gone through his file and talked to his form teacher, he had no idea what the two teachers were referring to, as DS seemed well-liked and was doing well.

So, there we are. He may have been lying through his teeth about DS, but if he is and there are problems, he should have told me. I cannot control or influence what I don't know.

I am really pleased that they are addressing the original issues and trying to ensure it doesn't happen again. That is the most important thing and I do believe that they are going to make every effort to do that.

Thank you to all those who wished me well, I appreciated it.

That's sounds incredibly positive.

I honestly think the comment was about your persistence (rightly so too) in not letting the matter "drop" and I suspect when DS knows he is "right" and has challenged their policies etc he is the same. Marvellous quality but as I sad before can be frustrating to be on the receiving end of

Result! Well done

Really good result re challenging the bullying and you behaved with real dignity in relation to the email exchange rather than taking the eye for an eye route.

Hopefully DS can settle down now and enjoy the rest of the 6th Form

AstoundedandConfounded Thu 04-Apr-19 17:53:29
Very positive meeting with the Head.

Love this update (((Happy Hug))💐🌼🌻🌼💐

He asked if I wanted to know how he would be dealing with the members of staff who were involved in the email exchange and I said that was his responsibility and I didn't need to know.

I must say, if this implies that the recipient of the email is somehow going to be disciplined then I find that wildly unfair!

Glad you are feeling more positive about the school and your ds, op.

Brilliant!! I’m so pleased x

That’s great.

You’re more restrained than me. I’d definitely have said ‘yes’ when he asked if I wanted to know what action he was taking!

That sounds like a great outcome!

Well Done Astounded and Confounded, it sounds like a good meeting. Excellent that they've recognised the issues and are trying to resolve them and that you have someone else to talk to about DS in future rather than those two. Good luck to you and your DS

Great result - the Head sounds very sensible.

I must say, if this implies that the recipient of the email is somehow going to be disciplined then I find that wildly unfair

Not necessarily. It's fairly clear that the sender knew that his/her views would fall on sympathetic ears, and the exchange suggests that this was not a one-off.

Good work Astounded. I'm glad the head was sensible. I hope your DS gets the treatment he deserves.

You’re more restrained than me. I’d definitely have said ‘yes’ when he asked if I wanted to know what action he was taking!

HT was out of order to even suggest this. In no way is it any of the OP's business how staff are dealt with.