AIBU to think teacher and possibly school way out of line and WWYD?

[AstoundedandConfounded]

Name changed in case I somehow out myself!

I was mistakenly sent an email by a teacher from DS's school, which said about me "Don't you just wish you could tell her to piss off. It's clear where DS gets it from."

Just to clarify DS is in 6th form and I've emailed the school 3 times in his 6 years, so I'm not an annoying helicopter mother.

I am not happy about any of this, to say the least. I've been in touch with the head, shared the email and said I want to discuss it and received an apology back.

I have a meeting set up for this Thursday and am struggling to know how best to handle it. The issue I originally emailed in about was handled so badly that I think that is still my priority but I'm really hacked off that teachers are bad mouthing me and my DS (who is a good pupil) in emails.

WWYD?

I didn't say ALWAYS, OP

I was just trying...

Actually! No.

I retract that and all of the other measured advice I have proffered. Do it your way! You seem absolutely bound to keep a strong grip upon your ideas of gossip, tittle tattle and personal injury. Maybe showing more of that disdain you say your son has for some teachers too!

Rural area with limited "choice", or I could argue no choice.

You have a strong case to take to the Head about both the bullying issue and this email. From your continued posts it seems likely that you will allow your increasingly obvious contempt for the school as a whole!

Fuck!

From your continued posts it seems likely that you will allow your increasingly obvious contempt for the school as a whole to rule your common sense!

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino

A plethora of sensible kickers or solid shoes. theres some sense somewhere at the school, either amongst the kids or the school. Wellbeing is is valued quite highly and they will work well with outside agencies.
School policy bans boots and kickers count as boot.only shoes are considered smart enough. Appearances matter a lot, they dont know a lot about OT physio etc.
School policy bans boots. Wouldn't even consider unless maybe i letter from medical professionals, but they dont really know.
Appearances and rules are all that matter. This isnt an inclusive school or a progressive one. More likely to embark in skirt measuring.

How awful to read that! I expect they were absolutely horrified that they accidentally sent it & I hope they have apologised. We all make mistakes & I hope you’re able to forgive and move on.

Oh and i will argue with everyone at the last one over all their core values. Chances are my kickers wearing on physio advice DD will do also

thank you! Interesting. DD is at a non-uniform primary and I think a lot about secondary uniform, I find some of the rules I read about utterly bizarre (including banning boots. Baffling.). Her school is hyper-inclusive.

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino

I like it. I dont get our obsession with school uniform in this country.

TriciaH87

If it is not a written warning i would tell them it's not acceptable as had they not sent it to you by accident it would go unpunished.

Luckily you don't get to dictate what the punishment is.

I think I’ve been very polite about the school and the teacher involved.

I don’t think I’ve been disdainful, I think I have been questioning. I never once said my son was disdainful either.

I think I have been measured and considered and have accepted other perspectives and thanked posters for them, even the ones who were rude about DS.

I have said a number of times that I fully intend to stick to the original issue and won’t be raising the email, only to request someone other than Head of 6th does DS’s UCAS reference.

You keep attributing courses of action and emotions to me I don’t feel though Curious, maybe it has to do with how you feel though?

Shocked at this.
With you all the way. It’s not acceptable

Think about your son, he only has one more year there with A levels looming. Be dignified, I expect they are very embarrassed by the email and you need an apology from the teacher who sent it.

My sons teachers love him dearly BUT he is a bloody huge pita at times. Iv no doubt they have a good old moan about him

Thing is, I’ve come across parents who describe their child as ‘bright, sparky, principled, standing up for justice’ etc - which I agree are wonderful qualities. But when you’ve witnessed that child going out of their way to undermine staff and other students, sticking their oar into other people’s battles, monopolising a lesson by trying to argue some irrelevant point of principle, basically disrespecting the right of other students to focus on the task in hand.... it’s fucking annoying.

I love young people who are bright and sparky and have the intelligence to use it appropriately. They can really add so much to lessons .

I’m not defending the email for a moment - that was a huge cock up. But I’m very aware that some parents are delusional when it comes to their precious children and have no idea how annoying they can be

Was it an April fools joke!? One I'd my worst nightmares is to send message about someone to that someone by mistake, it would be mortifying. If its not a joke I hope the teacher who sent it has learnt her lesson..... The hard way!

I'm really glad that your son isn't being taught by one of those people. That would be really difficult, I think.

Ah, bullying.... I see. That’s why they want you both to piss off. Schools generally do not like dealing with bullying issues. I’ve been there with my eldest son and not a damn thing was done - even when he came home with a black eye. Well OP, your son sounds just like my eldest and his teachers at 6th form love him to bits. It’ll all come down to the bullying issue and what damage they perceive could be done to the rep of the school. You’ve got them by the balls lovely - go get it sorted 😊

I'd be very disappointed that two teachers who are supposed to care for your sons welfare and help him reach full potential feel that way and could even manage to write such a thing about one of their students.
I'm not surprised you have had a bullying issue if the staff are that deeply unpleasant to be honest. It has just confirmed 100% what your son has said that they dislike him, its perfectly acceptable for them to feel this way but they should be professional enough not to let it show, let alone actually write it in an email.
I'm horrified for your son and I would definitely want assurances that they will not write any references for him or have any dealings with any future issues or disciplinary matters your son is involved in.

Any decent teacher would be able to redirect a justice warrior type child even st 17 my daughter and her class mates could be rowdy but the teacher got them to settle very easily and deflected even the most persistent offenders (not my daughter I was surprised at that)

Yes it was unprofessional and clearly a spur of the moment email. She shouldnt have written her thoughts about you in an email - even if she is right about you being a pain (we are only getting your side of the story so we don't actually know the initial issue or her responses).
However - surely getting her into trouble and all the totally OTT comments like 'I wouldn't want her around my child' are a total over reaction. There are people we all deal with that we want to tell to p off - doesn't make us bad people surely?

The other thing that the school need to be aware of is that you could do a Freedom of Information request over any correspondence with your son's name in it and see everything written about him by anyone... this is why people should be paying attention to what they write in emails/chat windows etc

The email error was completely unprofessional and, IMO, that issue is closed. You've made them squirm, they've apologised and the two people involved won't forget it in a hurry. It will be one of this incidents that's makes them cringe and get that horrible pit of stomach knot whenever they think about it for years to come!

As many have said, focus on the original issue and get the resolution you want. Everything else is a distraction. You have the upper hand - the school will be very keen to fix this and move on.

Teachers are human - they moan about pupils, parents and other staff, just like the rest of the population moans about people they interact with. I've disliked people (some, intensely) I've worked with whilst remaining courteous, professional and friendly, to a point.

With regards to DS - we never really know what our DCs are like in school. Especially during these teen years. Making teachers look stupid often enough for you to comment on it probably means that it could be a case of what you see as self confident /assertive /standing his ground / being vocal about injustices etc, could also be annoying, bratty, confrontational, not minding his own business and disruptive, at times. This may not necessarily be to a level that it needs raising with parents etc - teachers deal with this every day - it doesn't make it any less annoying and frustrating though. See this as an opportunity for your DS to have a self review and think about things he may be able to do better/differently in a way that will get the same result but without annoying people.

Rise above it. Know that they'll be mortified. There will be a staff memo about comms and everyone will know why (things like this spread instantaneously). Get the original issue sorted

Have you never wanted to tell anyone to ‘piss off’ OP? Just because a teacher sent the email by mistake doesn’t mean they can’t say/feel the same things as the rest of us. Poor teacher probably already feels distraught. You’ve complained so forget about it now 👍🏻

I haven’t even complained, I simply forwarded the email to the Head and said I’d like to discuss the various issues contained within.

I wonder why the meeting is only on Thursday? Why would the HT want to wait so long to address such a huge issue? I hope you get the results you want out of the meeting OP.

slipperywhensparticus

The open goad, a nice effort, particularly the "my daughter" follow up but the "her friends" follow up made it far to obvious but

4/10. needs to be hidden a bit more and a little less forced.