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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think “love” is a load of bollox for most women?!

466 replies

Playtive · 31/03/2019 00:32

It’s brightly packaged and sold to us but it’s all nonesense really. Even when you smugly think you’ve cracked it - fast forward 10 years and nope, no you haven’t. It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference.

Men are obsolete. I have my DC, I literally can’t think of a single other reason to want a man around. It’s all bullshit, I wish we never had “Hollywood” this side of the globe - many people would be a lot less disillusioned.

Anywho that’s my rant!

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:25

the OP is about It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference. Men are obsolete

I can't see a dad giving out that message....

The OP mentions nothing of discussing this with her children.

Yet you’ve immediately jumped to conclusions.

Interesting.

thatdisorganisedmum · 31/03/2019 09:26

BeardyButton
don't be goady, you are the one who has condescendingly chosen a partner much less good looking than you Grin

My own husband is HOT, and he makes pretty babies, works for us!

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2019 09:26

Love is a fucking trap. The equality is one way, the rewards are one way. Those in amazing relationships for 20 years I feel like you found an exception. That or you are entirely comfortable with the rules of the patriarchy that disguise all the heavy lifting as “being a real woman.”

No your H is a twat, pure and simple what you describe isn't typical or at least not in my life.

JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:26

There are some fabulous ones out there

I often see this mentioned (both IRL and on here). The reason people who choose to be single isn’t because we’re poor little creatures who simply haven’t met the right man, it’s because there isn’t a “right man” because we don’t want one.

Single isn’t always the default fall back.

MamaLovesMango · 31/03/2019 09:27

I can't see a dad giving out that message....

I can. My Dad certainly used to anyway!

CarolDanvers · 31/03/2019 09:27

Those of you’re who are “sad” the OP feels this way; well I am sad for you, sad that you’re stuck in constraining relationships and have to compromise with another adult constantly. Poor you.

Patronising and inaccurate in many cases I suppose, but the flip side of your “sadness” for those who don’t want or enjoy being in a relationship

thatdisorganisedmum · 31/03/2019 09:27

JacquesHammer
oh no, you are right, I am sure that OP is sending happy and cheerful vibes and has a wonderful attitude. My bad Smile

DeadWife · 31/03/2019 09:28

*Choosing to be alone is not something to be proud of
*
Have to say in our couple-centric society that I think the opposite.

I'm only, say, 6 months into being single for the first time in my adult life (by choice) and am shocked at the pressure and assumptions (some well-meaning, some not) that I must be on the look out. And then the puzzlement when you explain you're not. It's a bit like saying you're not drinking at a party.

Love comes in different forms, mine for my children never fails to astonish me and I think hope it's made me a nicer person.

The pulse-raising initial love is lush but if we could bottle it we'd all mad knackered nyphomaniacs who drop our friends Wink.

JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:28

oh no, you are right, I am sure that OP is sending happy and cheerful vibes and has a wonderful attitude. My bad

Why? Because single = bitter?

How brainwashed you are.

thatdisorganisedmum · 31/03/2019 09:29

sad that you’re stuck in constraining relationships and have to compromise with another adult constantly. Poor you.

is that how you see relationship? You have never been able to be happy, fulfilled, and had to compromise constantly and lose your independence and freedom? Poor you. I pity you.

MamaLovesMango · 31/03/2019 09:29

I hear you Jacques. My sister chooses to be single. She absolutely thrives alone.

thatdisorganisedmum · 31/03/2019 09:30

JacquesHammer
Why? Because single = bitter?

How brainwashed you are.

you know perfectly well I never wrote that, I am refering to the OP.
Now I leave you to your little bitter rant, and wish you a lovely mother's day weekend.

JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:31

Now I leave you to your little bitter rant, and wish you a lovely mother's day weekend

Is bitter the only word in your vocabulary for describing a situation you clearly don’t understand?

I’m very much looking forward to today, spending the day with my lovely mum and my daughter is back later. Perfect

Bobbindobbin · 31/03/2019 09:31

I’ve been single for a very long time and am very happy that way. My children are only primary aged so wouldn’t dream of dating until they are grown up (that’s just a personal choice)but then I don’t think I’ll bother, I don’t miss me at all. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life just me and the dcs

Bobbindobbin · 31/03/2019 09:32

Men not me

JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:33

I'm only, say, 6 months into being single for the first time in my adult life (by choice) and am shocked at the pressure and assumptions (some well-meaning, some not) that I must be on the look out. And then the puzzlement when you explain you're not. It's a bit like saying you're not drinking at a party

Totally. The fact I rarely drink too BLOWS people’s minds Grin

Bagpuss5 · 31/03/2019 09:33

Have you watched the video link posted at 7:18 - hilarious. Sums up a lot of the problems (and I'm only half way through, will watch the rest later).

EdWinchester · 31/03/2019 09:34

But it is sad the OP feels this way.

Great for those that are happy to be single. But when the person is bitter and disillusioned, thinks the idea of love is nonsense, or that those in relationships are constrained and compromised - that is worthy of pity.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2019 09:35

Those of you’re who are “sad” the OP feels this way; well I am sad for you, sad that you’re stuck in constraining relationships and have to compromise with another adult constantly. Poor you.

What a pile of old crap.

The OP is one way about how love is a load of bollocks, that isn't the case and people have pointed that out.

If someone actually wants to be single then that's fine isn't it as we're all different? No one has told her she needs a man as far as I can see.

But it is sad I think that so many women have never had a good relationship because so many men are lazy, sexist, controlling fuckwits.

CarolDanvers · 31/03/2019 09:35

No it isn’t sad. YOU and others who believe the same as you just think it is because it doesn’t match your values or choices.

CardsforKittens · 31/03/2019 09:36

I also think love is a trap. It’s a patriarchal construct designed to keep women economically dependent as sexual property. Some women are lucky and find love with a man who continues to value and respect them over the years, but far too many women are blindsided when their partner starts treating them like shit once they have children - which makes it extraordinarily difficult to leave and live independently.

Teateaandmoretea · 31/03/2019 09:36

It depends on the choice of the woman and the reasons behind it. It can be sad, yes.

JacquesHammer · 31/03/2019 09:37

It depends on the choice of the woman and the reasons behind it. It can be sad, yes

Which of course can equally be said about being in relationships.

winbinin · 31/03/2019 09:38

I felt like you about 12 years into my marriage. The romantic love had faded and all that was left was indifference. I would have left but didn’t want the D.C. to live apart from their dad.

That was about 20 years ago and I’m glad we didn’t split up. I realise the indifference was more disappointment that our passion had faded. I felt let down. What I didn’t realise was that we could get through that phase and develop a deeper, more sustainable love based on shared history, loyalty, developing together and acceptance of each other despite our many flaws.

So whilst I agree with you OP that everlasting romantic love Hollywood style is bollocks I now know that it isn’t the only sort of love.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 31/03/2019 09:38

Falling in love, being in love, loving someone “till death do us part” sounded like total bollocks to me as a younger woman. Then I met my now husband and I still find it bizarre that it is all trueShock

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