To think “love” is a load of bollox for most women?!

[Playtive]

It’s brightly packaged and sold to us but it’s all nonesense really. Even when you smugly think you’ve cracked it - fast forward 10 years and nope, no you haven’t. It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference.

Men are obsolete. I have my DC, I literally can’t think of a single other reason to want a man around. It’s all bullshit, I wish we never had “Hollywood” this side of the globe - many people would be a lot less disillusioned.

Anywho that’s my rant!

OP, whats your side of the globe? Are men different where you are? So Hollywood has fucked up women's heads just where you are?

All you've said is it's been shit for you yet your thread title says most women feel the same, soooo daft thread.

I get where you’re coming from. I love my DH but real love is a very different experience to what Hollywood sells us.

If DH were suddenly not around, I wouldn’t date again. I just wouldn’t want the hassle of romantic love again now that I’ve had my marriage and kids. Whenever I see a thread on here from a poster trying to date or to blend a new partner with her kids, I always think “Why bother? That just sounds like more work on top of all the shit you already have to do as a single mum.” I never say it though, because I know some people really feel the need for a partner.

Yep totally agree OP. Except I thought that from the beginning so I haven't become disillusioned - I feel the same as I always did. I wanted a father for my children and a domestic partner, and I have that so I'm happy. Love doesn't come in to it really.

If you’re daft enough to fall for the concept of Hollywood love you’ll set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

I’ve been with my dh for 26 years and we love each other very much. He’s my rock and one of my closest friends. He’s an awesome father and husband and a loyal and thoughtful friend. However I also have a DC, a job I love and lots of awesome friends. I have hobbies, I travel and we spend lots of time apart. I don’t feel I have sacrificed my independence at all.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and have realistic expectations of long term relationships and the highs and lows would be my advice FWIW.

I have two DC not a DC!

if my dh died i wouldn't be in a rush to date as i would be comparing the new man to dh and that wouldn't be fair on anyone. dh really is my soul mate and best friend we've never really come out of the firework and passion stage.

Choosing to be alone is not something to be proud of

Is it not? Oh bother,I best stop being proud then.

Seriously though,I'm happiest alone than in a relationship.Hate the feeling of being smothered/having to do/be what someone else wants.Don't think I'll ever have another relationship with a man. Friendship yes,but nothing more than that - in my experience it gives them control over you.

I totally get you OP.

DH and have been married 20 years. He's a decent man and a good dad, but I do often wonder why I should stay in our relationship as I don't feel I need him around.

Like many other posters I've got my job, lots of friends, my family, hobbies, interests, the DCs. Being with DH or in any relationship involves compromises and I'm at the age now where I want and need to do the things I want to do without compromise because life is not infinite and I don't want to die regretting that I didn't do something.

@StitchingMoss, when you say you travel is that for work or pleasure? Do you go alone or with DH? What about DCs while you're away? Do you spend a lot on travelling and if so does your DH mind?

Sorry for the interrogation but travelling is my absolute passion, since way before DCs and now they're older I'm desperate to go on as many trips as possible. But DH is quite obstructive, moans about the cost even though we can afford it and actually criticises me for constantly researching places I'd like to go. If I was single I could just do what I want without anyone to consult.

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I kind of understand. I love my husband to bits I really do but I know that if anything happened to him I wouldn't bother with a man again. Maybe the occasional one nighter for sex but I certainly think my life would be easier, even with my two kids on my own.

I don't agree with you that love is bollox - I know it isn't because I have been lucky enough to find it (and I never deserved to be so lucky, so it's no goodness on my part)..what I do agree with you on is that it isn't what Hollywood sells..it's not all hearts and flowers and excitement (though there are moments of that)..mostly it's your husband farting in bed and you still cuddling up to him despite the stink because he is worth it. THAT is real love (and I say that having been married 29 years in 5 days time).

I'm not stitching but I also have a great DH who I love and I travel, we travel together and now with the DCs (we're having to explore new bits of the UK at the moment with their needs in mind), and I'm lucky enough to get to travel for work.
But I wouldn't have married him if he didn't like travelling.

Well said BitOfFun

I still have lots of love in me to share with someone who deserves it. I think that's great you feel like that.

Love that is chocolate boxes and roses wrapped in pink and thrust into the world as 'what all women want' is absolutely bullshit.

But real love? A relationship, a partnership, a friendship, that joining between two people who get each other and want to spend their lives together. That's love. That ability to forgive abysmal dishwasher stacking, and an inability to make poached eggs. That's love. When your partner is ill and you want to care for them and when they do the same for you. That's love. And when you've been together long enough you have your own shorthand and are just happy to be around each other, that's love.

I'm sad for anyone who has never found that because for me it's what keeps me grounded and gives me a direction. I do my own thing and have my own time but have my 'person' who I always get to come back to.

So sell me dioralyte, dishwasher tabs, and a poaching pan and that tells me more about the love in my relationship than any other bull on the tv.

I tend to agree with you, OP. I've had moments of true happiness with husbands/partners (not all at the same time, obviously) but, every time, eventually, it all turned to dust. I love being alone now - no compromise, no smelling someone else's farts - freedom all the way!

I do love my children of course - that's different.

@dimsum321, don’t travel for work at all unfortunately! I go away with girlfriends two or 3 times a year, sometimes abroad and sometimes just for a night or two in the UK. But most of our travelling is together - we’re both passionate travellers and luckily our boys have slotted neatly into our travelling obsession!

This of course comes with the massive caveat that we can afford to travel - although we do prioritise this in our spending above anything else we do!

Totally agree OP. Maybe that's why they are designed to die earlier.

Although in my case, not fucking soon enough.

I am an independent woman, married 20 years. I have had Hollywood romances, yes they don’t last but they are fun.
Now I adore my grumpy old man; we are growing old together, dealing with teenagers together, gardening, house decorating, fighting over who clears up the bloody catsick together ffs.
If anything happened to him I would not want another man because I would be mourning this man, forever.
Looking round my friends and family, this sort of relationship doesn’t seem to be that rare surely?

9th make him eat the mushrooms- the attractive ones you find in the woods.

CarlGrimesMissingEye Excellent post and sums up exactly my thoughts. My partner and I adored each other, we were just 'right' from day one. It certainly wasn't all passion and hearts and flowers but it was real abiding love. We looked after each other and we looked out for each other.

I was, and am, completely devastated when he had a sudden fatal heart attack last year. No one could ever come close to that wonderful man.

That's love. Not the Hollywood version.

The Hollywood idea of love is just escapism, a feel good factor that most of us enjoy. Real life is different, you have to work at love, both of you, it takes time, effort, respect. Then it can become, in the future, a deep love that's effortless. Sounds like you have been deeply hurt but don't close your heart, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince! Stay strong xx

@StitchingMoss, that's great, you're v lucky.

I suppose our problem is that DH is not a passionate traveller and just doesn't understand my obsession. He is the type who spend 2 weeks in annual leave at home, whereas that would be criminal waste of annual leave to me.

We do plan to travel a lot once we're retired and he enthusiastic about that but he's happy to wait 10+ years to do that. Whereas I'm terrified of dropping dead suddenly without having seen even half of what I want to see of the world.

My OH treats me like a goddess.