To think “love” is a load of bollox for most women?!

[Playtive]

It’s brightly packaged and sold to us but it’s all nonesense really. Even when you smugly think you’ve cracked it - fast forward 10 years and nope, no you haven’t. It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference.

Men are obsolete. I have my DC, I literally can’t think of a single other reason to want a man around. It’s all bullshit, I wish we never had “Hollywood” this side of the globe - many people would be a lot less disillusioned.

Anywho that’s my rant!

I agree with PPs, would you ever talk about women that way OP? I'm so fed up of some women who think it's acceptable to openly vilify men. As if that is progress in terms of equality

As another PP has said, what do our sons/brothers/fathers think and feel when they hear things like this? That men are obsolete? Or see t-shirts with slogans on "The Future is Female". The future is quite clearly male AND female.

I get the Hollywood reference and I'm sorry you've had a bad experience OP. Me too... I'm a single mum with 2 DDs, divorced from a cheating ass exH, but I'm not going to let this individual person ruin my mental wellbeing and future life by extrapolating one man's shitness to all men. I don't think I'll marry again but it would be nice to find someone special.

I'm grateful for men and the 'tradionally' male viewpoint when it doesn't dominate. I work in a very female-heavy charity sector and too many 'traditionally' female viewpoints can be a freaking nightmare....

I'm so fed up of some women who think it's acceptable to openly vilify men

I can't speak for the OP, but me saying "men are obsolete" certainly doesn't vilify men - I know men, I like men. But in my life in terms of desiring anything from them, yes men are obsolete. They cannot bring anything to my life in terms of "romantic" relationships - I don't think that should be confused with man hating.

There are many types of love...

There are many types of love...

I think any general comment is wrong.

It's fine, and who even cares, if you live with a husband/wife, alone, with children, with your nan or with a friend. Whatever works for you.

It's not fine to state that all relationships are miserable, or that all single people are lonely. You might be, but it works well for others.

Live as you want, but don't come and snigger at those who have a different lifestyle, they can be happier than you are! Criticising others is what make you sound bitter - which means you probably are.

@disorganised perhaps you are unaware of how your posts read? For example, I am not 'your dear'. Calling me that is passive aggressive and patronising. The need to be aggressive and patronising to strangers on the internet does read as anger, yes.

I am very happy that some have happy marriages. I know I do. I am very happy to hear of your happy marriage. I am not here either to deride your experience of it, tell you that sort of experience of love is someway 'bad' etc.

My concern is the lurve that is sold to women, usually young impressionable women. The fairytale. The lurve of pop songs and poetry. I am sceptical about this. As i said, i m not about to doubt what you say about your love. And if this is how you see it, thats great.

As i said, i became very sceptical of this sort of love very early on. My own experience was that the men who were big on this, were using it to manipulate. When i met my husband, it was like a breath of fresh air. No games. No wooing nonsense, just a fantastic man who respected me. If you can get both (the wooing and the good man), then great. But i will be telling my sons and daughters to be very discerning when they come across this behaviour. And at the first sign of disrespect, listen to that rather than the flowers and chocolates. I do believe potential partners show you who they really are sooner rather than later. But sometimes it can be hard to see the real person behind all the lurve and romance frills.

Live as you want, but don't come and snigger at those who have a different lifestyle, they can be happier than you are!

Who has done that?

BeardyButton
you really need to stop seeing anger everywhere my dear.

JacquesHammer thanks for clarifying. To me that statement as it stands, does sound man-hating. Can I ask did you mean they're obsolete specifically in terms of a romantic relationship? Or having men in your life in general?

I'm just thinking about my nephew, my dad and one of my best friends who's male... their attitudes are so welcome and needed in my life. They bring more no-nonsense, logic, paternal care, get-on-and-do attitudes that really help balance the way I am, my view of the world and the way I parent. Not to mention they're stronger than me and can reach the top shelves! (I know these are slightly unhelpful gender stereotypes but to a large degree they're true.) I've thought about this and I don't get this from my female friends and family. But I couldn't live without any of them male or female!

@Jacques yes. I dont really get that either. Im honestly quite baffled at the level of hostility?! I reread my posts to see what could have inspired so much anger and really at a loss.

To me that statement as it stands, does sound man-hating. Can I ask did you mean they're obsolete specifically in terms of a romantic relationship? Or having men in your life in general?

As I said at the end of my post They cannot bring anything to my life in terms of "romantic" relationships.

As I said at the end of my post They cannot bring anything to my life in terms of "romantic" relationships. Righto!

the posters who claim their DH is their best friend, love him madly, fancy the pants of each other etc (these people only exist on MN in my experience!)

My DH is all of the above. You do know that (some) people who post on MN are REAL PEOPLE, don't you?

the posters who claim their DH is their best friend, love him madly, fancy the pants of each other etc (these people only exist on MN in my experience!)

Of course these people exist IRL. My DH is all of the above and he has enhanced my life and continues to do so.

I do know what it's like to be in a shit relationship though - i guess that can make you cynical , especially if others around you are in the same boat.

It is certainly my experience that society doesn't consider singledom as a choice, it is assumed you've made that choice reactively rather than proactively.

OP I do agree 100%

Just look at valentine's day, all nicely packaged and sold to us as being this wonderful thing yet if love was a product I'd personally be asking for my money back as it doesn't work how it's supposed to.

Choosing to be alone in the romantic sense is something to be proud of. It's that attitude that it's not something to be proud of that reinforces the ideal that you're not complete without a significant other and makes single people feel like failures and those who choose not to bother with the whole debacle feel like they're doing something wrong or abnormal or against society.

Don't forget those whom are romantically alone not out of choice.
Love is a faulty product to them.

As to compromise and sacrifice,you're spot on. I wouldn't compromise or sacrifice anything of myself for the sake of a relationship,its not worth it. I've seen people change for the worst because of a relationship as well.

Oh and you're supposed to keep moving on to the next person,then the next yada yada..I mean I don't see the point of that, it just seems like a waste of time and effort looking for that faulty product or that concept of 'the one' which is another lie sold.

Dunno about the men being obsolete though,if you said that about women all hell would let loose.
Smacks too much of 'females are the future' (without men there wouldn't be any more females, stupid phrase that goes against biology) for my liking.

All the people defending it on here well I guess there's a lot of smug married people about then who it's perfect for and always has been so don't know of any other side to it.

If we're going to be talking about it as a product though, I'm not buying it when its faulty so much.

But the rest of it OP you're spot on.

the posters who claim their DH is their best friend, love him madly, fancy the pants of each other etc (these people only exist on MN in my experience!)

Well, I wouldn't say we still 'fancy the pants off each other' exactly, but DH and I do still love each other very much and he is my best friend. I think having 2 adopted DDs with attachment issues (DD1 has SEN as well) has kept us very close.

Men, by and large, do not seem to think about their relationships much at all unless there is a clear and present danger of it going down the pan. They assume their right to get what they want out of life, and out of the relationship. They expect women to do that for them and also take care of our own wants and needs, and to write in big block capitals for them the minimum that is required to maintain the status quo rather than taking any time to work it out for themselves - they do NOT spend ages asking their friends or the internet at large about their wives' feelings, thoughts and needs, trying to interpret their actions. That's all us (or almost all). And just that is bloody knackering and unfair. Living both sides of an emotional life to try and maintain the illusion of 'romantic love' because one half simply doesn't see the point in doing so.

This!

This comment has resonated so much with me I have copied it for myself. For those who have fulfilling, loving relationships, I’m happy for you. But I fear, for the majority of us, it just isn’t what we thought it would be. I think it’s pretty much the way of things the world over. I was at a talk recently about some charity work in Malawi. It was pointed out that the poor, poor area where the speaker went to, it was the women who did most of the work whilst the men just hung around chatting to each other. Another recent story in the news was about some ancient Roman graffiti that had just been discovered. And what was this graffiti? They drew a knob! 3,000 fucking years later, guys are still drawing knobs, the most recent on the frost on my car the other day.

I feel like a square peg in a round hole. I don’t even know what love is. I’m told what it should be but I don’t feel it. All I feel is resentment, mostly at myself for being so fucking stupid to steer my boat down the path I was told to rather than the one I knew suited me better. I confirmed, and I bitterly regret it. And I have a good life, it must be so shit for those less fortunate.

Conformed!

I find this a bit depressing, I love men.

I've been married for 11 years and my husband tells me I'm beautiful or amazing or some such thing every day. I'm no longer beautiful in any conventional sense but I can tell he means those compliments and I do feel very much desired and loved.

He can be a pain, a donkey sometimes and lazy sod at others but I love him.

His practical skills make up for the fact that I can hardly hit a nail without injuring myself. And my drive and organisational skills make up for the fact that he has the ambition of a jellyfish.

Yin and yang but together we're a good team. I thank my lucky stars every day for him and I believe he feels the same. I think this is how it's supposed to be..?

I was always raised to be independent and self-sufficient. It's lovely. I choose to be in a relationship because having my DH around makes my life more pleasant. I would not stay with him if I felt I have to work hard on the relationship, and make constant sacrifices and compromises. It is a bit shit that many women are raised to beliefe that's what they must do. If that would be the case and I felt I am happier without that particular partner, I would be single.

I honestly think I'm over love. I love my family but if something happened to separate my husband and I, I would NEVER marry again.

I feel like this too. It's not that I don't love my DH, I do, i absolutely adore him but he is family now if you know what I mean? If something happened to us or him I think I'd be perfectly happy on my own rather than look for another relationship

I think both sexes are sold a myth about romance and relationships. I am another one, happily married in as much he is thoughtful and my best mate, but if we were to part I would not look for a relationship. I don't have a massive downer on men, but I am no longer in their thrall or find them fascinating enough to seek out a new relationship. Some of the horror stories on here are very off putting.

I understand young girls and women getting dewy eyed at the prospect of love and passion but not women my age (middle aged). I don't get why you would get to middle age and still be thrilled at getting a man's attention.

I think women buy in to the romance thing but men see it as a way of getting their leg over. I might be very cynical but to me men just want sex by any means, be they old, young, married or single. I know that is a massive exaggeration but the majority are in love with their penises.

I remember when George Michael was arrested for touting for sex in an LA toilet which effectively outed him as gay. He unrepentantly gave an interview by saying that casual sexual hook ups were the norm for gay guys, and most straight men would like the opportunity to do the same without all the romantic hoops they had to jump through to get laid (paraphrasing). I think he is right, but as that was pre Tinder etc, men do now have the means to do that without going through the hearts and flowers rigmarole.

I think women buy in to the romance thing but men see it as a way of getting their leg over. I might be very cynical but to me men just want sex by any means, be they old, young, married or single. I know that is a massive exaggeration but the majority are in love with their penises.

What a sad, sad stereotype you're portraying there. I know very few men like the ones you describe....

No, I am being pragmatic. Even those who are family guys would still have extra marital/relationship sex if they could get away with it.