To think “love” is a load of bollox for most women?!

[Playtive]

It’s brightly packaged and sold to us but it’s all nonesense really. Even when you smugly think you’ve cracked it - fast forward 10 years and nope, no you haven’t. It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference.

Men are obsolete. I have my DC, I literally can’t think of a single other reason to want a man around. It’s all bullshit, I wish we never had “Hollywood” this side of the globe - many people would be a lot less disillusioned.

Anywho that’s my rant!

As a child Hollywood seemed to make life wonderful, all song and sunshine. By the time of secondary school age the sunshine was dimming and the songs weren't quite as good as I thought. By late teens cynicism had set in and I came to realise life was not like Hollywood. I had grown up. It's sad you feel men are useless and not needed. Perhaps you have encountered males who think the same of women. They have probably sensed they didn't need to hang around too long.

Please realize that everyone who has a son will someday have a man for a son.

My son is a fine man. He takes after his father. He's kind, doesn't think women aren't equal, we all pitch in to get things done. I may cook more but i certainly don't chop wood. Things are split due to capabilities.

I knew my husband for nearly a year before we dated. We knew one another as people before we were romantic.

We've had tough times and amazing times. The thing that keeps us together is that if one of us feels unhappy with the other, we discuss it (not easy. Not usually without pain) and try to fix it.

My husband was bitter for about a year. If i had money or a place to go, i would have left. Instead. We were forced to work through it and thankfully, he decided to change.

I'm no treat. I have a chronic illness. I can't work outside the home bc i have a compromised immune system.

We were also late 20s when we married. It's over 3 decades now.

I love him. He told me yesterday that he's happy too. (I won't share the actual words)

I had my share of bad experiences before him. I'm not naive. But i worry about all the unhappiness about males bc if you love your sons, creating a society that doesn't like men isn't helpful.

As many have said, romantic/passionate love ebbs and flows. DH is my mate, I can trust him to be beside me during all of the ups and downs until he (or I) die.

DH and I have been together for almost 25 years. I don't like considering a life without him in it. He is excellent.

I know a couple in their fifties who act like love sick teenagers, they have only got together. Both been married twice before and say this is the real thing now. Send each other soppy cards every month they have been together (7 months) and say they can't imagine life without each other. I wonder if it will last, that intensity and deep connection that they say they had from the start.

I don't think its rare to find love. I think its rare to keep it and by that I mean, keep the true, romantic, deep connection and happiness.

I think it is you are right. Not just for women though.
Think a more realistic view is not an unhealthy view point.

WiseNice, have you teleported from the 1950s? No one is under the slightest obligation to marry or have ‘lots of kids’, or to be SAHMs if they do.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments. (About my post at 12.54 on 1st April. Page 12 if you have 25 posts per page!)

And I do know that it's not like this for everyone, (staying with someone you are not in love with, or have fallen out of love with,) and some people do have a genuine love for each other. But I don't think it's very common.

As some posters have said, many people fall for each other due to lust, and the excitement of a new relationship, and some probably do love each other, but for some it does turn to compromise, sacrifice, boredom, and indifference (as the OP said.)

Someone said earlier that it's not too late for me to leave my DH, but tbh, my marriage (and my life) is not that bad. Even though it was a struggle in the first 10-12 years of our marriage (and he was a bit of a shit then,) the relationship is better now (25 years or so on...) It isn't awful, or abusive, and as I said, we do have some decent/good times, even though he is a bit moany !!!

As I said earlier, things could be worse, and some people have much worse lives. But it does make me a bit sad that I have never felt deep genuine love for any man. I feel a special kind of deep love for my daughter though. So at least I have that.

Also have a lot of admiration for people confident enough, and secure enough to remain single, and not feel forced/coerced into being in a couple, just because society tells them to.

Just drafted a massive response coming over all philosophical. But deleted it.
You are right op. “ Love” is a load of bollocks for most women.
And I’ve been happily married for 40 years!

OP I have to disagree with you...to an extent.

Fiction does often present an image of everlasting love, which is a bit ridiculous.

IME being in love lasts about two years and then, if you're compatible, it becomes just love. That doesn't mean the sex isn't good, it just means you don't still go weak at the knees when he accidentally brushes your arm etc.

I've faithfully been with my DH for almost 25 years now. He's 70% lovely and 30% an unreasonable a-hole, but it's never boring! Our sex life is very healthy but based very much on lust rather than love these days. The love bits come in the unexpected, small, day to day interactions.

@Mummadeeze your post really stood out. With that much love inside you, I think you're going to find the right one!

Think some people are meant to be in a relationship
Some people are meant to be single
Lots of people settle and then are seemingly suprised when it doesn’t work out.
Not many people have decent sex.
Most people don’t find someone they’re truly compatible with long term.

I don't know about men, but have been with my husband for 30 years and love is always here. However I still really fancy him, he is great in bed, is kind and generous and puts up with my bullshit. So I feel fab. The key is compromise and you have to really love the person, for themselves and shine a bright light at the beginning of a relationship not when things get rough. We have argued but I have never thought I would split from him. He said the same. Things have been hard at times but not the love side of things.

Misandry is not a nice trait.
You sound bitter , jealous and angry.
I feel sorry for you.

My son is a fine man. He takes after his father. He's kind, doesn't think women aren't equal, we all pitch in to get things done

Your son doesn’t think women are equal?

In any event, it doesn’t matter how amazing he is - it’s ok for women not to want to be with him or any man.

Believing there is no place for a man in your life isn’t misandry. That’s a lazy assumption.

I’ve had a few relationships that were all-consuming with intensely powerful fireworks and ultimately very unhealthy. I think it’s been a shock for me to know that having to consciously work on maintaining long term relationships is normal, healthy and (often) doesn’t mean the other person isn’t right for me.

I am committed in my LTR but I do sometimes miss the Hollywood intensity and effortless ‘compatibility’ feeling. but that’s when I know i’m not in a great place emotionally and i’m looking for an escape from day to day crap or feeling self destructive. It’s all destabilising sensation and no substance chasing the giddy feeling- more about my own relationship with myself, but pretending to be a fireworky kind of ‘passion’. It’s either limerence or requited mutual limerence for me. Both damaging. Others might be able to have healthier relationships with themselves and others and I wish them well.

George clooney's mammy thinks he's fabulous. All his relationships ended because the woman wasn't his equal! Only Amal was good enough for him
by being way way too good for him.

Well I think we all know most films are fantasy and shouldn’t be expected in real life. I have been married twice and am now engaged. Men are not one entity they are individuals. My partner is my best friend and I would never be without him. I feel sorry for you that you feel like that. I’ve been in an abusive relationship previously and that still didn’t put me off. Lasting love is different to the initial lust and obsession felt and I guess it’s not for everyone. I think it is special to find someone you can be with forever and not everyone is lucky enough to find that person. So op I do understand why you are ranting but men are far from obsolete. It’s hard to Imagine being with someone else but views change whe circumstances change. You’ve probably forgotten all the nice side if you’re unhappy in your marriage.

George Clooney is gay and he married Amal to get into politics. I'm not making this up!

You need to dial the crazy and rude feminist act down about 10 notches honey.

JacquesHammerThis is for you😉

You need to dial the crazy and rude feminist act down about 10 notches honey.

Yeah Jacques, how can you expect to find a decent husband when you’re a crazy rude feminist? You could be washing his socks instead of wasting your time on the interwebs.

Yeah Jacques, how can you expect to find a decent husband when you’re a crazy rude feminist? You could be washing his socks instead of wasting your time on the interwebs

Yup, totally been rumbled by the previous wazzock poster.

But then they clearly labour under the assumption they're totes edgy and witty

Come on Feminists, dial it DOWN or you'll never catch a man...

I’ve been luckier in love but am gay, dunno if that makes a difference... you might want to try a new person.

the posters who claim their DH is their best friend, love him madly, fancy the pants of each other etc (these people only exist on MN in my experience!).

yes, because no one could possibly have a different experience than yours